Looking Forward

All this time at home has allowed me some time to think. I had to do something so I cleaned up my bedroom. It was getting to be a mess! As I was putting gym clothes away and packing my gym bag I felt a real pang of missing my workouts and exercise. I suddenly regretted all the times that I whined about not wanting to go to the gym. I just felt bad for ever not wanting to do something that I now can't do but am antsy to do. Of course that got me to thinking about all the people that have physical limitations and can't do what I've been doing and then I was just one big ball of guilt. In all I think it's a good thing. I now have a greater appreciation for exercise, for being able to go the gym, for riding my bike and swimming. The ironic thing is I think the most likely exercise I could do right now is swimming but I can't go in a swimming pool because of the stitches. I think the bike and jogging would be too much.

Anyway, so my other realization has been brewing for a while. I have 21.4 pounds to lose. When I joined Weight Watchers if you would have told me about a woman who was joining to lose 21 pounds I would have scoffed. Ha! 21 Pounds? That's nothing. Just go home and have a Bon Bon and revel in your somewhat-plump-but-not-really-fat self. Well, now that I'm walking in those shoes it doesn't feel like nothing. I'm here to take back any judgments I had about women who have less weight to lose. I guess the lesson for me is that most of us are striving toward something, I'm sure even the fittest women struggle at times with following their plan.

So I'm looking over the Summer and Fall college schedules to figure out if/how I can take Jean's swimming classes. I think I'm going to have to skip Summer classes as the schedule doesn't work for a 9-5er like me. But I'm going to register for her Fall class. Yay! I also saw a Triathlon Training class. Wow, that'd be cool, but it meets from 9:30am to 11am so I can't do it.

So after cleaning up my room I started in on a "So You Think You Can Dance" marathon. That show is pretty cool. It makes me want to dance. Dancing is one of those fun physical activities I wanted to get into. It just hasn't worked out so far. I'm busy with the whole training thing and don't really have time to take a class, which is what I need. The classes I've looked in to are on a weeknight and it just doesn't work. Miguel already complains that I'm not home much. But that got me to looking at the College of Marin dance classes. There's a dance class called Popular Dance Styles [Hip-Hop Emphasized] and it's on Tuesday nights from 7:10 to 10pm. That fits my schedule perfectly! I think I'm going to take a crack at it. Doesn't that sound fun?? So I sent in the application and will register for classes as soon as I can.

Whew! I just stepped out to check on Miguel; he's working in the garage. I saw my bike sitting there and just had to hop on it. I rode, gently, around the block and felt grrreat! Yay! I just decided I'm heading to the gym on Monday to do whatever I can. If it's only a little bit, that's ok. I know it will be hard for me because I tend toward this all-or-nothing mentality but I'm going to do it.

Oh boy, I just learned Irene has a hip fracture and is having surgery. Please wish her well. She's an awesome and inspirational runner and will be missing her San Diego Rock-n-Roll marathon that she loves.

Top 10 Changes After Losing 67.4 Pounds

I went to my meeting last night. It was the first time I went out since the surgery and I wasn't feeling so great so I didn't stay for the whole meeting but I lost! 2.2 pounds!! Holy Goat Milk!! I have now lost 67.4 pounds in all. Can you believe that? Because I can't. It's just too much to conceptualize. So in honor of this I decided to post "Before" and "During" comparison pictures. What do you think? Can you see a difference? I'm only 1/2 joking. My mind is so distorted when it comes to images of myself that I look at these pictures and it's not that I don't see a difference, it's more like my brain doesn't register it. And as I sit here on the couch typing this I feel like the big girl I've always been. It's hard to explain. But my life is different, there's no arguing that. So, I've decided to post the biggest changes in my life in a list...

Top 10 Changes After Losing 67.4 Pounds:

10. My feet are smaller. From a size 8.5 to a size 8. Weird, huh?

9. My wedding rings no longer fit. They are WAY too loose. I have to get them re-sized soon.

8. None of my old clothes fit. Even my undies are too big.

7. I no longer dread going up the stairs in my condo (which means I don't hold my pee as long too!...TMI?)

6. My size 10 pants that I purchased from Old Navy not too long ago are loose!

5. I moved from a BMI of 38.9, just 7 pounds shy of Morbidly Obese to a BMI of 27.7, just 16.6 pounds shy of Normal

4. I actually enjoy junk food more since it's now a treat and not just an every day thing.

3. My garage is filled with outdoor activity stuff and my calendar is filled with plans for the summer!

2. I shop in the normal size section of the store.

1. And the #1 biggest change in my life since losing 67.4 pounds?? I can do ANYTHING I want!!!

So, as I wait for my self-image to catch up with my actual image I will focus on the changes in my day-to-day experience of life. I now have a body that can take me places and that is what I wanted out of this. I wanted to have the confidence to take on outdoor challenges, and I do. I wanted to live again, and I am.

What's in the Fridge?

Alright, you guys are going to think I've lost my mind but I'm getting bored over here. Wanna see what's in my refrigerator? How about my cupboards? Alright, if you promise not to judge me, at least not to my face, I'll let you peek. What can I say? I'm alone at home with a camera and time. I got bored. Here's the results.

We'll start with my refrigerator. I want you to know I didn't touch a thing before I took the picture. I didn't remove any chocolate syrup or add the carrots. To see the whole thing much bigger just click on the image.



Moving on to the fridge door.



And finally, my cupboards. There are a couple of cupboards with spices, sugar, etc, that I didn't bore you with. Trust me, you aren't missing anything.



I'm feeling the need to add that I have one of those hangy things with onions and stuff in it, a fruit bowl on the counter and a huge thing of tomatoes on the counter. Want to see the tomatoes? I bet you do....



Ok, it's over. Carry on.

On the Couch

That's Jean! I took it with my cell phone so it's sorta crappy but you get the idea. Isn't she cool? I went to the pool yesterday evening and told her about my no exercise situation (more on that in a sec'). She was very disappointed, which I appreciated. She told me how to do the last few things she was planning to teach me - how to hold my head, how to roll my body to breathe, etc - and we talked about where and how to practice until the tri. She also encouraged me to keep swimming, and told me how I have progressed really quickly, "I don't really consider you a beginning swimmer, I consider you an intermediate or an intermediate-advanced swimmer." I didn't even know what to say to that, that's just craziness in my mind. She seems to really believe in my ability, and to have that be something related to my physical ability, and have her be an expert in this area, it's just really crazy. I find myself wanting to do well to live up to that though, which is good.

So I'm home, on the couch, recovering. I had minor outpatient surgery this morning and now I'm popping pain pills and watching movies. Presently I'm in the middle of Pollock. The main character was just whining about how he's broke and not having success as an artist and his buddy tells him, "Just keep it at" and he barks back, "I'm keeping at it! Don't tell me to keep at it! I'm keeping at it." That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. I don't think he meant it to mean, don't encourage me, I think he meant that he will keep going, even if it's painful and not working, even if it's fruitless, he'll keep going. So that's why I related to what he said because darn-it, that's how I feel! I just hope that feeling that way translates into me getting back into it as soon as I'm able.

So the deal is I can't exercise for at least a week, maybe longer, depending on how my recovery goes. I can go for a walk in a few days if I'm feeling up to it but nothing that gets me breathing hard. I am doing my best to keep this in perspective. The main thing is it's something that will heal and be completely over and I am lucky it's not chronic in nature. I am grateful to have my body do all it does for me, that after sitting on my bum for most of my life it's not too terribly unwilling to get up and start moving. I figure it'll take 1-2 weeks to get back to where I was when this happened. I'm not sure what I'll do about the c25k plan, I guess I'll have to figure that out when I go on my first run and see what I can do. The main and most important thing is I have no doubt I can still do the tri. I may walk some or all of the run but I know I will cross that finish line.

That reminds me, I'll have to be more careful with my food during this. I'm accustomed to being able to get by with little extras here and there because of the working out and I know that won't fly. Alright, I'm going back to the movie. Thanks for all the positive comments and support, it really helps.

A Bump In The Road

Well, I've had an interesting few days. I won't go into the details but on Friday night I started experiencing some symptoms that worsened enough by Saturday morning to send me to urgent care. I was told that until we know more, no exercise. NO EXERCISE?! no exercise? No swimming, no biking, no jogging. I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow morning. Ugh. Next week (now this week) is my last week with Jean at the pool. We were going to have me start swimming the tri length (400 meters + 100 just to be sure) to see how it goes. Now I can't, at least not with Jean. Wahhhhh!!! I figure if I'm all better by Thursday I can swim at least one last day with her, but to be honest, I'm not feeling too optimistic. I know my body and I don't think things are getting better that fast.

The neat thing was the nurse I had at Urgent Care is a cyclist and she was giving me all kinds of advice on how to handle this. It made me feel hopeful that I would indeed come out on the other side and still have a life. When I hit a bump in the road I often get scared it's going to derail me entirely. She reminded me that these things happen and we have to get up and carry on. And don't worry, I don't have some life threatening illness, just not something I want to be broadcasting on the 'net, ya know?

So I came home and packed up for Sonoma trying very hard to keep my spirits up while packing for the spa. Instead of meeting my mom in Sonoma she came and picked me up, which was nice, especially since I'm on pain meds and probably shouldn't be driving. We arrived at about 4pm and the place really is beautiful.

The weather was absolutely perfect too. We put our things in our room (isn't it pretty?) and headed down to the pool. We lounged for a while and ordered a late lunch/early dinner. I had an SLT, salmon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. It was yummy. With fries. We lounged until the sun went behind the buildings and then spent the rest of the evening watching bad TV in our room.

On Sunday we got up for brunch. I ate a ton of really good (bad) food. Bacon, French Toast, Butter, Biscuits & Gravy (!!), Crème Brûlée, etc, etc. But I did put Splenda in my coffee so it's all good. Oh, and can you see the Watermelon on my plate? I was trying. That plate is actually deceptive, it makes it looks like I'm doing good with my portion sizes but what you don't know is that was my second trip! Followed up by desert. Oh well. After filling up we went back to our room to rest.

Then it was off to the spa for our treatments.



I had a massage and Mom had a massage and pedicure. It was very hard to relax during the massage but I tried my best, though trying to relax is sort of the antithesis of relaxing. Still, it felt really good and sort of forced me into a state of relaxation. In between we rested by the pool. I recently ordered a book and it arrived on Saturday morning, Your First Triathlon by Joe Friel. I read it while resting poolside. I think it really kept my spirits up and I just realized that the book arriving when it did was a real stroke of luck. Mr. Friel is very encouraging and positive so while reading it I felt my tri is still a real possibility. I should get to reading it again because I'm feeling so doubtful today.

So I'm going to close with a few more pictures from Sonoma. First, here's a picture of the main room/lobby. I love the style.


Alright, I decided you needed to see what my first plate of food at brunch looked like. That French Toast was so good and I ate everything on the plate except the sausage and the potatoes (because they weren't that good).


For desert I had one of these and another little mini desert. I tried the flourless chocolate cake and a lemon cake but those weren't worth finishing. This Crème Brûlée was delicious. I reigned myself in and kept to just two deserts.


And finally, a picture I snapped just before my massage. It was a nice peaceful room with the faint smell of lavender and peaceful, meditative music.


So, I'm off to see a specialist tomorrow morning. I'll find out if I need outpatient surgery then. I'll be reading my new tri book to stay motivated and I'm going to eat as healthy and clean as I can the rest of the week to balance out the foody weekend. I hopped on the scale this morning and I was up 3 pounds (!!). I'm motivated to stay in the 160's if at all possible. I'm going to be honest, this really bums me out. It scares me a little too. Momentum is a big part of my program and without it I get afraid I'll fall off the wagon. So if you see a big empty wagon going down the road grab it for me and slow it down so I can hop back on!!