Unnecessary Roughness

First off I want to thank you all for the helpful comments.  I really got a lot out of receiving them - the support and in information.  Thanks!

I'm feeling entirely back to "normal" (whatever that is) today, which is a relief.  I still can't believe how impossible it seemed to resist eating but I'm just glad it's passed for now.  I am taking the advice given and will try to behave differently next time.  I'd love to believe there won't be a "next time" but I suspect that's not reality.

So, back to today.  After my total meltdown this week I got on the scale this morning and thought, "Oh."  I was down from my last official weigh in the week before Thanksgiving.  1.6 pounds down in fact.  Geez.  I sure hope my eating breakdown wasn't related to that friggin' scale because if it was I feel kinda silly now.  But I think it was more than that.  I wonder if not enough sleep was another factor.  I'm trying to get my butt to bed sooner these days.  Anyway, I lost!  Woot!  I needed a little boost and that was a nice surprise.  I am now exactly 1 pound from my mini-goal of getting to my post-pregnancy (pregnancy #1, that is) weight of 178.4 pounds.  Hopefully it will happen before the end of the year - that would be a nice way to ring in the new year.

On to other things.  My legs were SO sore today!  Ouch.  I was even limping a little bit after prolonged sitting.  My muscles are not happy.  But I think that means they're growing so that's good.  I went to the gym after work and figured I'd just try to run and if I couldn't, I couldn't.  I remember that even though they hurt once you warm up that sometimes goes away.  So I got on the treadmill and did a longer-than-usual 5 minute warmup walk and then gave it a go.  I was able to run for 25 minutes without much problem.  Normally I run on 1° incline but decided to go with flat given my legs.  The run was surprisingly easy.  I could feel discomfort in my legs but nothing I'd describe as pain.  I stopped at 25 minutes (instead of my full 32) both because I didn't want to push my legs too hard considering, but also because I was pressed for time.

After my run I did chest/triceps/core.  I feel like I'm getting better at the pushups.  I'm still doing the three "real" ones on the floor followed by 5 modified ones for three sets.  But the three feel a little more controlled, less desperate - if that makes sense.  Anyway, I'm glad to be doing them. 

Ok, so I'm wrapping up.  I'm glad to be back in the 170's for the first time since May 2009.  Again, thank you for all the support.

Bad Mood, Bad Food, Bad Attitude...hey, that rhymes!

Ugh, it's been a tough week.  I don't know if it's the Thanksgiving eating or the resulting weight but something kicked me into a bad mood where I didn't care about my eating and I actually considered throwing in the towel on this whole fitness thing, if you can imagine that!  I figured I must be pre-menstrual but so far, nada.  The good thing is I have stayed steady with my workouts despite my bad attitude.

On Monday I hit the gym and did the upright bike for 25 minutes followed by chest/triceps/core work.  That evening I ate a bunch of m&m's that my mom had sent us home with to help with potty training.  After I acknowledged that I would not stop until they were gone I dumped the remainder down the disposal.  I was so irritated with myself that I could not stop.  So. Irritated.

Tuesday was a planned day off from the gym (poor timing) and that's when things got really ugly in my head.  I had more m&m's from my own stash for potty training and started into those.  Again, I couldn't stop.  I eventually put the remainder down the disposal.  But then I ate 2/3 of a pack of crackers.  And a bunch of dried okra snacks.  And a bowl of cereal.  And more m&ms.  I found myself thinking of words - in relation to my view of myself - like disgusted, disappointed, weak, not normal.  What is wrong with me?  Why can't I stop?  I want to stop, but I'm not stopping.  Ugh.  It was not pretty.  I finally went to bed with plans to go to boot camp in the morning and hopefully kick this bad thinking.

But overnight Marek decided our bed was the place to be and we were up for a good hour+ in the middle of the night.  That, combined with staying up too late to begin with, kept me from going to boot camp.  So I planned to go when Miguel got home from work.  My attitude didn't get much better during the day and by the time Miguel got home I really needed to get some exercise.  When I got on the treadmill at the gym I told myself, "Ok, we're going to use this run time to figure out what the fuck is going on and stop it!".  I thought a lot.  I concluded only two things.  I needed to stop with the self criticism.  Being harsh on myself will come to no good.  It's my go-to self punishment despite knowing it doesn't help.  The second thing I figured out is I just can't have m&ms in my house.  Ever, apparently.  After all that thinking I hit the weights and just rocked out to my music while doing back/biceps/core work.  I left feeling much better than when I arrived.

I had all kinds of ideas about the Thanksgiving eating being a trigger, that my willpower muscle got weakened by all that indulgence, that I was maybe pre-menstrual, or pre-menopausal, or post-crazy.  Maybe, this, maybe that - it didn't much matter because the run itself helped a lot.  By the time I was done I'd decided to go home, have a salad for dinner, and get a good night's sleep.  I felt a bit better already.  Unfortunately Marek came into our room again but this time was slightly less disruptive, he just went to sleep in our bed for a while and then went back to this.  I can handle that.  For a while.

All I know is my mind is coming around.  The negative feelings are lingering, I'm still mad about all the food and I know I need to just let it go.  I hope the scale is not too hard on me tomorrow but whatever it shows will just be a reflection of what I already know.

Today I hit the gym twice.  I went for an early workout and did the upright bike for 25 minutes followed by legs/shoulders/core work.  Then I remembered that I have a training session after work.  Oops.  At the training session I begged Ian for mercy and he went easy on me - sort of.  I got some exciting new things to add to my routine.  Single arm row with the cable - we'll see how these go.  They take a lot of mental effort to do correctly and I tend to shy away from that but we'll see.  Assisted pull-ups.  These I like and am excited to start doing.  Some killer ab stuff I'll have to go into later.  He got me off the hack squat machines and doing regular squats again but this time with a shoulder press thrown in.  And then this lunge thing on the smith machine that is questionable just given how much thought I have to put into doing them right.  And how hard they are.  My legs were SO fried by then, we'll see how I feel about them on fresh legs, hopefully I like them more.

Ian took my body fat with calipers and concluded 37.5 percent.  My tanita scale says 39 so I like the lower number.  In either case, I have a lot of extra fat.  News flash, eh?  The good thing is I'm feeling good again.  The negative attitude is lingering but almost gone.  I can't tell you how much I hate episodes like that but I'm just glad it's over and glad I resisted all the other crap that it came into my head to eat (KFC, other candy bars, chips, etc, etc).  That's good for something.

My Narcissim Waivers...aka I Forgot about Pictures!

I can't believe, CANNOT BELIEVE, that I forgot all about the official triathlon photos!  I blame this entirely on having children.  With my first triathlon I obsessively checked the photos page, I couldn't wait for the pics to post.  This time I checked once, they weren't up yet and I planned to check the next day and totally forgot.  Anyway, without further ado...

I have a big smile on my face.  I will have this big smile on my face in all the pictures.  I couldn't stop smiling.  It was like a nervous tic or something, I just could not stop smiling.

There were three shots of me on the bike but I like this the best because of the other cyclists in the background.  Still smiling.

This is heading out on the run.  I love the woman behind me with her hair flying in the air.  I'm quite sure she passed me moments after this was taken, you can just tell she's running faster than I am.  Oh, I have an idea!  I just looked up her numbers and she and I are remarkably similar.  I beat her in the swim and transition times, she beat me in the run and we were within seconds of each other on the bike.  We started in different waves but overall my time was 4 minutes faster! 

Almost done!  My smile isn't quite as big as it was before.  I think my nervous smile had finally worn off and I smiled purposefully for the camera on this one.

And the big finish!  Someone was on the other side of the finish line encouraging people to throw their arms up...so cool!  And my smile is back!

This is the "relief" image.  You can see I just crossed the finish line. 

Ahhh, my narcissistic tendencies are restored.  I realize I still haven't uploaded my Garmin data.  Who knows if that will ever happen.  I am looking forward to doing a sprint or two in spring to practice for my olympic in November! 

An Obscene Number

So curiosity got the better of me and I got on the scale this morning.  Big. Mistake.  I was up.  I was so up that I am not going to document that number.  I am going to take a holiday pass and march on toward next Friday's weigh-in.  Hopefully if I'm careful I can undo some of the damage.

Today started off rocky when I woke up with a headache.  Actually I went to bed with a headache last night.  Might have been the Snickers bar.  I ended up eating about 2/3 of it during the last 20 minutes of our car ride.  I took some Excedrin PM and hit the sack around 12:30am.  Woke up at 8am (thank you kids!) and took some regular Excedrin.  We hung around for a while at the house, made waffles for breakfast and put all the stuff away from our trip, and thankfully my headache went away. 

I left for the gym feeling a bit tired but ready to get moving in any case.  I ran outside in the most perfect fall weather - 57 degrees, slightly overcast, no wind.  It was just lovely.  I ran a smidge over 2.5 miles in 32 minutes.  I had some tightening and discomfort above my achilles area and shins for the first 15 minutes or so but once I was warmed up that went away.  I really, really, really enjoyed the run.

After that I did legs/shoulders/core for strength training before hitting the step mill for 5 minutes at 50 steps per minute.  Whew!  I got my stretching done and left for the grocery store feeling revived and alive.  I love exercise, it's the magic cure for what ails you.

By the way, grocery shopping right after the gym is the way to go.  I bought tons of salad fixings and wasn't tempted by anything less than healthy.  Miguel's already offered to cook dinner.  I have black beans on the stove and he'll do the rest. 

Well, it's back to the grind in the morning.  I'm going to really focus on myself and my goals this week.  I need a rebound from all that food!