Down with Fat Pictures

So I learned once that with behavior change it is more effective to visualize the positive changes you want to make, as opposed to the negative things you fear. This means that instead of looking at fat pictures of myself and telling myself I have to avoid this, I need to envision myself doing those things I enjoy. It's true I feel more motivated by the opportunities being in shape bring rather than fear of being fat.

So if I take a look at my "reasons to be in shape" I should throw out the negative/scary ones and keep the positive ones.

I want to be in shape...

So I'm not stuck, bored, in my house on holidays and weekends.
So I can go on all sorts of adventures, from hiking and biking to spelunking and snorkeling.

So my child doesn't grow up playing video games and watching TV.
So I can create a fun, adventurous childhood for my son.

So I don't have to shop in the fat clothes section of the store.
So I can wear the clothes I want to wear - shorts in the summer, a fitted button down shirt to work, skirts, shorts, whatever.

So I can stop worrying about how I look, what people are going to think of me, etc, etc.
So I can apply my energy toward things I enjoy, like how to organize a 3 day weekend camping trip on short notice.

So I won't cringe when I look at pictures of myself.
So I can look at pictures of myself and see the big smile on my face in addition to all the other things in the picture.

This is really resonating with me for a bunch of reasons. First, who feels good thinking about negative things? Thinking about something that scares me, or makes me feel like crap, brings me down. It does not inspire me. Thinking about feeling good, looking good, having fun - that inspires me.

Also, the mind doesn't always retain the finer points of a thought. If I spend a lot of time looking at fat pictures and telling myself I have to avoid that, my mind just holds on to that image, and doesn't necessarily remember the part about avoiding that. It just further cements the "fat" self image.

An image which is still alive and well in my brain by the way. I see pictures of myself even now and am startled that I do not look bigger. I feel fatter than I am. And feeling fat makes me want to do nothing. What's the difference between feeling fat and being fat? In my brain, not much. If I feel fat, that means the gym will be hard, arduous work. If I feel fat that means I won't feel good in my clothes.

Alright, alright, I'm going on a bit of a tangent here, but my point remains. I need to focus on the positive self I am creating. I need to envision my fit self, my best self. And I need to believe it again, that it is possible. You know, writing this has really helped. I wasn't feeling all that motivated to go to the gym but now I want to get up and change and go. Miguel's out playing soccer so I'm going to get in my gym clothes and wear them until he gets back. The ol' gym clothes trick works for me most of the time.

Regarding this past weekend...

Walking in the 4th of July Parade. Marek is sleeping through the festivities while Liam (Katrina's son) is rocking the red, white and blue!

And below, ladies and gentleman, is what a 45 minute Funnel Cake line looks like. And yes, I did wait in that line.

And here is Miguel and Marek at the fair with a big "live" tree. There was a man in there. I shoulda taken video.

By the way, do you notice anything in that picture above? I didn't until I went to crop it. I think the universe is trying to tell me something...


November 1st? Let's see, that's a little less than 4 months away. This is the same triathlon I relayed while pregnant. How cool would it be to do it myself this time? Well, I have already committed to doing the third Tri-for-Fun on August 15th. Notice how I slipped this little bit of info in? I think I'm in a bit of denial since I haven't actually signed up for it. But I made plans to do it with some friends. That's the same tri I did last year. Twice. The second time I did it with these same friends. What a cool annual tradition for the four of us! Anyway, I'm on for the sprint on 8/15...we'll see about the oly on 11/1.

So, I'll close with a picture of my two favorite guys at the fair.

Marek is asleep, again. In this case it was probably for the best, those loud mooooos might have given him a scare.

Time to wrap this thing up. Thank you for stopping by!

Up, up and...Away?

Last week, up 2.8 pounds. This week, up 2.8 pounds. I did make it to a meeting though. Let's hope next week some of this weight goes AWAY.... Ugh. So I was expecting a gain but maybe not ready for another nearly 3 pounds. When I first get back to exercising I usually gain in the beginning. I'm going to try to move on from this information so it doesn't mentally drag me down.

So, on to good news. I made it to the gym four times this week, meeting my plan to go four times a week. And the neat thing was that today I didn't have Marek with me so after my cardio and weights I went for a little swim (20 laps in a 25 meter pool) and then I hit the jacuzzi for a bit. It was nice. So that's Mon, Tue, Thur & Fri to the gym.

Tomorrow I'm walking in the little 4th of July parade with the mother's club so I'll be moving around a bit too. And then we're going to the county fair in the afternoon. Oooh, I just tried funnel cakes last July 4th for the first time, they are sooo good. Don't know if I'll be able to resist having one. Flashback photo:

Last 4th of July in Ventura, the same weekend we learned I was pregnant!

Speaking of eating...my eating is just alright. It could be worse but it could also be a lot better. I'm not tracking at all. Occasionally I try to make better choices but mostly I'm just trying to make small changes for now. That means a good size serving of veggies with dinner and avoiding fast food, donuts, candy, and all the other crap I eat when I'm off the wagon.

On another good note, the gym is less painful. Things that are getting easier include modified pushups, ab work, dumbell fly...jogging is still kicking my a$$ though.

I'll close with a couple happy pictures of my little guy.

Sitting in his Bumbo, having a blast!

And in his Exersaucer dutifully smiling for Mama.

Let me throw on a few goals for this week:

1. Gym four times.
2. Go to a meeting.
3. Uh, 2's enough for now :)

Thank you for stopping by.

Holding on Tight

You know how when you first get back on the wagon things are sorta shaky for a while? It's like you have to hold on tight or you might easily fall back off. That's where I am. In fact, reading back over my recent history I've gotten on and fallen off a few times in the past couple of months. So I'm back on! And I'm holding on tight. I went to the gym Wed, Thur, Fri and Sat of last week. Wow, four times!

I also made it to a meeting on Friday (again, thanks Katrina!), which was good. The weight did go up, as expected. I am now 184.4 pounds. That's a gain of 2.8 pounds from my last meeting on 5/29. It is also 6 pounds over my post-pregnancy weight of 178.4 pounds. Even worse, I am 41% body fat. Yikes! In fact, looking over my weigh-ins since returning to WW I've only had one week in which I had a loss, all the others were gains (or one where I stayed the same). I will work hard and maybe I'll have a loss this week.

I also spent a lot of time out of the house this weekend, which is always good for my soul (and my momentum). On Saturday Miguel, Marek and I spent the afternoon at Stinson Beach. There's a bit of a heat wave going on here so the beach was crowded, which was fun. We played catch and people watched and whiled away the afternoon.

Marek and I on the beach.

On Sunday Miguel had a soccer game so Marek and I joined some friends at the Bolinas Jetty beach. He relaxed while I played in the waves, played catch and batted around a badminton birdie. It was a great afternoon and I felt pretty good driving home with warm skin covered with a thin layer of salt. Marek was a dream and only complained the last 15 minutes or so of the car ride home.

Today, Monday, I was sitting around contemplating whether or not to go to the gym when I pulled one of those, "stop thinking about it and get up and go!" moves on myself. Fortunately it worked. I got there just in time to squeeze out my whole workout before the childcare closed. As far as my routine, I'm doin 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes of jog/walk (3.5mph walking with 3 two-minute jogs at 5mph). Those two-minute jogs are tough! Especially that last one, I have to do some mental maneuvering to keep myself going. I'm thinking about doing Couch-to-5k again. At least this time I know I'll be able to do the brisk 5-minute warmup walk! Heck, I could even start on Week 2.

As I mentioned before the size 14's I purchased recently are tight. This has to change in the next two weeks. I start back to work mid-July and I need to be able to wear those pants by then without looking like I'm stuffed in them. Does that sound possible? I sure hope so.

Well, that's it for me. I don't want to wrap up before saying a huge Thank You!! to all those who commented on my last entry. There have been a number of times when the comments on this blog have gone a long way in keeping me going, in reminding me of what I'm doing, what I can do, what I've already done, and where I can go and how to get there. I was very touched and inspired by them and it really helps, so thank you again.

I am so grateful I'm feeling the desire to respond individually so here goes...

Cyndi - thank you for telling me I inspired you. That is so inspiring to me now.
Alice - yes, I need to be easier on myself, 'cause you're right, having a baby throws the body for a loop. Also, I see a therapist, she's actually the her in the conversation I related in my last post :)
Cherelli - You're so right! I need to focus on those fun, active things that I love to do. I was actually just saying today that my biggest motivator for staying fit is so that I can get out there and have fun, live life, climb a mountain. And now I'm motivated to stay fit so I can do all these things with my son.
Amy - Yes, I want to. Thank you for reminding me of that. I've blogged before about the mental trap of thinking that I'm being forced by some outside entity to workout when it's me that wants it. And congratulations to you for getting back on the wagon! You're right, I'll be kicking myself down the road if I let this go farther.
Ruthie - I can't imagine doing this three times! Hats off to you. Your starting over video brought tears to my eyes.
Flo - Thank you for always encouraging me to stick with it :)
Irene - I hope you know what an inspiration you are to me. It does feel like my life depends on it, you're right.
Barbie2b - Please don't eat my baby! :) Thank you for the encouragement.
Bekkles - Thank you for empathizing with me. Sometimes it's so nice to just be heard. I know you know my struggle and I am motivated seeing you succeed.
Amybee - Baby steps, so timely :) Thank you for reminding me to focus on something small and achieve that goal. I sometimes get too overwhelmed with what I need to do.
Kathy - Thank you for commiserating with me and reminding me that I'm not alone. This weight/fitness is a lifelong battle for so many of us, but there's strength in numbers!
Heather - I appreciate you pointing out that what I did before might need to be tweaked considering my new life with a baby. It got me to thinking about ways I might be able to sneak in some fun exercise. Like tennis, I want to play tennis.
Now, how to do that with a baby??
Ironayla - It helps me so much to know this blog isn't just about me being all narcissistic. I'm also thinking about taking new before pictures so I can mentally stop focusing on where I was and focus on where I am now.
Kelly - I want to sign up for something but I'm scared. I guess my confidence is low and I'm not sure I could get ready in time. I might just do it though, it's great advice.
Colette - All my whining and you put it into perspective. Yes, it is worth it. To have my little baby, well, 30 pounds is a small price to pay. Thank you.
MaryFran - The gym was great! I so love it once I get there. Why is this hard? It's not like we get there and hate it. Isn't that weird?
Kelly - Thank you for passing on Jillian's wise words of wisdom. The new me...that's a concept I need to work harder on. I am not the old me anymore.

And to Tessa, Tara, and Mom for the sweet emails - thank you!!

And now I'm off to enjoy Taco Soup that has been cooking away for hours in my new slow cooker. If you have any tried and true healthy slow cooker recipes I'd be eternally grateful if you email them to me.