A Bump In The Road

Well, I've had an interesting few days. I won't go into the details but on Friday night I started experiencing some symptoms that worsened enough by Saturday morning to send me to urgent care. I was told that until we know more, no exercise. NO EXERCISE?! no exercise? No swimming, no biking, no jogging. I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow morning. Ugh. Next week (now this week) is my last week with Jean at the pool. We were going to have me start swimming the tri length (400 meters + 100 just to be sure) to see how it goes. Now I can't, at least not with Jean. Wahhhhh!!! I figure if I'm all better by Thursday I can swim at least one last day with her, but to be honest, I'm not feeling too optimistic. I know my body and I don't think things are getting better that fast.

The neat thing was the nurse I had at Urgent Care is a cyclist and she was giving me all kinds of advice on how to handle this. It made me feel hopeful that I would indeed come out on the other side and still have a life. When I hit a bump in the road I often get scared it's going to derail me entirely. She reminded me that these things happen and we have to get up and carry on. And don't worry, I don't have some life threatening illness, just not something I want to be broadcasting on the 'net, ya know?

So I came home and packed up for Sonoma trying very hard to keep my spirits up while packing for the spa. Instead of meeting my mom in Sonoma she came and picked me up, which was nice, especially since I'm on pain meds and probably shouldn't be driving. We arrived at about 4pm and the place really is beautiful.

The weather was absolutely perfect too. We put our things in our room (isn't it pretty?) and headed down to the pool. We lounged for a while and ordered a late lunch/early dinner. I had an SLT, salmon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. It was yummy. With fries. We lounged until the sun went behind the buildings and then spent the rest of the evening watching bad TV in our room.

On Sunday we got up for brunch. I ate a ton of really good (bad) food. Bacon, French Toast, Butter, Biscuits & Gravy (!!), Crème Brûlée, etc, etc. But I did put Splenda in my coffee so it's all good. Oh, and can you see the Watermelon on my plate? I was trying. That plate is actually deceptive, it makes it looks like I'm doing good with my portion sizes but what you don't know is that was my second trip! Followed up by desert. Oh well. After filling up we went back to our room to rest.

Then it was off to the spa for our treatments.



I had a massage and Mom had a massage and pedicure. It was very hard to relax during the massage but I tried my best, though trying to relax is sort of the antithesis of relaxing. Still, it felt really good and sort of forced me into a state of relaxation. In between we rested by the pool. I recently ordered a book and it arrived on Saturday morning, Your First Triathlon by Joe Friel. I read it while resting poolside. I think it really kept my spirits up and I just realized that the book arriving when it did was a real stroke of luck. Mr. Friel is very encouraging and positive so while reading it I felt my tri is still a real possibility. I should get to reading it again because I'm feeling so doubtful today.

So I'm going to close with a few more pictures from Sonoma. First, here's a picture of the main room/lobby. I love the style.


Alright, I decided you needed to see what my first plate of food at brunch looked like. That French Toast was so good and I ate everything on the plate except the sausage and the potatoes (because they weren't that good).


For desert I had one of these and another little mini desert. I tried the flourless chocolate cake and a lemon cake but those weren't worth finishing. This Crème Brûlée was delicious. I reigned myself in and kept to just two deserts.


And finally, a picture I snapped just before my massage. It was a nice peaceful room with the faint smell of lavender and peaceful, meditative music.


So, I'm off to see a specialist tomorrow morning. I'll find out if I need outpatient surgery then. I'll be reading my new tri book to stay motivated and I'm going to eat as healthy and clean as I can the rest of the week to balance out the foody weekend. I hopped on the scale this morning and I was up 3 pounds (!!). I'm motivated to stay in the 160's if at all possible. I'm going to be honest, this really bums me out. It scares me a little too. Momentum is a big part of my program and without it I get afraid I'll fall off the wagon. So if you see a big empty wagon going down the road grab it for me and slow it down so I can hop back on!!

You Want The Good News or The Bad News?

Well, it's always nice to close with Good News so let's start with The Bad. Boooh! I have a leg cramp. It's my right calf actually and it's been hurting for a few days. When I was in the pool last week a few times it started to cramp up but I moved it around and it didn't but it still hurts. I went to the gym yesterday and did the elliptical followed by c25k Week 7, which is a 25 minute run. It didn't really hurt but was, I guess, uncomfortable. Today Miguel and I planned to go on a road ride but I've decided to let my leg rest over the weekend. I have another week of training next week (I have to put that in italics because it's just too funny to me that I'm training for something) and I want to make sure I'm up for it.

Alright, Bad News out of the way. On to the Good News!

At Weigh-In on Thursday I lost 1.6 pounds!! That puts me at 168.6 and I am now in the 160's. Wow. Just Wow. When I got into the 170's I felt things were getting surreal. Now they are surreal. I went shopping with Mom yesterday after work trying to find a bathing suit for this weekend (ugh!) and I also tried on some pants. They were these small looking size 10 slacks and dammit if they didn't fit me! Anyway, I'm going to revel in my 160-ness.

Oh, I took a picture of my new cubicle. Isn't it cute? I love it. I put up Hawaiian flower pictures from a calendar for decoration. The Tuesday after the Chocolate-Monday fiasco I hung up a picture of my tri top to remind me I have something I'm working toward. Someday soon I'm going to try on my tri outfit (which is this top and tri shorts) and take some pictures in it to share with everyone. It's...shall we say...fitted (aka, the stuffed sausage look) so it's not the most flattering outfit I've ever worn, and I'm not 100% sure it's what I'll end up wearing on race day but so far it is. Anyway, here's a picture of the top hanging at my desk.



You can't really tell in this picture but I put some yellow highlighting around the edge of the picture to drive home the point. In Weight Watchers they talk about Anchoring, and while this might not be exactly what they have in mind it's the same idea. Using something that reminds you of your inner strength and goals to get through a tough time. Actually, this blog is an Anchor for me. Sometimes I read old posts to remind me how far I've come, how I've struggled but carried on, how I've had times when I felt I failed but I kept on and eventually had victories again. It's good for me to remember that right now because this calf cramp thing is bothering me. I'm afraid it's not going to go away, get worse, and sideline me altogether. But I know it won't because I can't let it, I won't let it, I'm in control (for the most part ).

Do You Consider Yourself An Athletic Person?

Sometimes I need a reminder of how far I've come. Here's a picture from July 2006, 7 months before I started Weight Watchers. Incredible, huh? I need to more often appreciate what I've achieved so far. More on this in a bit.

So even though I beat the chocolate bowl the foody feelings haven't gone away. On Tuesday night I was munchie all evening. I don't think I went way overboard (it's hard to do in my clean food home anyway) but I pretty much gave up on tracking this week. I'm starting fresh today, the first day of my Weight Watchers week. At WI tonight we'll see how all this non-tracking and foodiness effect my weight.

Yesterday after work I went home and changed and rode my bike 2.5 miles to the gym. I started Week 7 on the c25k running program; week 7 is one 25-minute run. All three days are the same. I missed Monday so after doing it last night and again tomorrow it will only be twice, not three times. Since I'm repeating Week 7 next week I'm not too worried about it though. Last week I checked out the calendar and in order to finish c25k by the week before my triathlon I had to move on to Week 7 without repeating Week 6. That's fine because at this point it's just doing longer and longer runs. There are no walk breaks from Week 7 on. I'm happy to say the 25-minute run was not significantly challenging.

After the elliptical and c25k I moved on to weights. It was lower body so I did my lunges, squats, side-lunges, etc, followed by Core work. When I was done I hopped on my bike and rode 2.5 miles to the pool. You might remember there's a hill between the gym and the pool and I looked at that hill and told it I would conquer it today and many more days ahead. I got to the pool and swam for a little over an hour. When I was done I rode the 2.5 miles home. I jogged, rode my bike and swam all in the same day for the first time!

I was really tired after work so I had an espresso and an AccelGel about an hour before the gym. I had another AccelGel afterward because I wanted my body to have all the help it could to recover. I arrived at the gym at 4:15pm and left the pool at 7:30pm so that's over 3 hours of exercise!

Alright, here's the real news. Jean, the swim coach, gave me some new drills yesterday. I loved them, a lot of fun. Of course I felt somewhat disorganized in the pool and I'm always constantly thinking about all the things I'm supposed to do, "Elbows up, thighs relaxed, power from the hips...". When I was done I got out of the pool and Jean asks me the following question:

-Do you consider yourself an athletic person?
::laughing::
-I guess that's a no. You've never played any sports?
Just tennis in high school.
-Well, you are picking this up really quickly. I give you new drills and you get them down right away. And you have an athletic frame, your broad shoulders are perfect for swimming.
Really?
-Maybe swimming will turn out to be your sport.
Thanks.

For any of you that have spent most of your life being fat and out of shape you know what something like this feels like. I was dumbstruck. My broad shoulders are a good thing? I have an athletic frame? I had a sudden burst of insight. I felt in my bones why it's so important to encourage children. Of how they are highly impressionable little creatures who just need someone to tell them they can. I realized I didn't get that and suddenly I had a sense of what I missed out on. It's not that Jean is the first person in my life to compliment me but I think it's the fact that what she said was just so completely opposite of my self-image. And she's not a loved one or a good friend, just a swim coach. That and I was probably drained so more emotional. So, if you have children or spend time with them, do what you can to build them up, create a reservoir of confidence because they'll need to draw on that the rest of their lives.

This reminds me of a post Flo wrote a while back. I've actually thought about what she wrote a number of times. It was all about how she realized she didn't previously believe in her own abilities and now she does and how much easier that's made things. I don't have what she has, I still don't really believe. I find it almost impossible to believe I'll get to my goal weight, that I'll maintain it, that I'll be able to jog during the run in my triathlon, that I don't look "fat". I need to believe. If I don't, who will? I can't imagine how much this holds me back. So I'm working on it. And thank you to every single one of you, friend or stranger, who believe in me.

I Won!

I took on that big 'ol chocolate bowl and I won! That chocolate thought it was stronger than me but I showed it who's boss. As Sarah said to Jareth, "You have no power over me." Would you like to see the offensive bowl? Here it is, slightly less full because of my efforts on Monday...



So yesterday was an off day for working out. Today is the gym followed by the pool. I've been getting up a lot earlier to get into work earlier so I can feel better about leaving early and not get so behind in my work. I'm still adjusting to the earlier AM rise, getting up at 6am now instead of 8am. I am going to bed earlier too though but you know, getting up 2 hours earlier throws off all my eating times, etc.

Oh, I have really good news! I wanted to take my mom for a pedicure for Mother's Day on Sunday. I suggested we go to the Sonoma Mission Inn & Spa. It's really friggin' $$$ but they have a pool and spa and fitness center so I was thinking I could spend the whole day there. My mom suggested we stay the night! She's picking up the tab for the room because that craziness is just out of my league, but I'm picking up the spa treatments, which is still out of my league really but I haven't gotten her crap for Mother's Day in years so it balances out. Breakfast is included and I'm getting a Swedish Massage at 12:30 on Sunday. OMG, I'm going to be luxuriating like you cannot imagine. When I say this place is nice that's almost an understatement. Here's a few pics I found online:





Miguel and I are going for a bike ride on Saturday morning and then I'm hustling my butt over to the Inn to get my luxuriating started ASAP. I am SO excited. I need a day like this. I need a massage and some fresh cut fruit on a linen tablecloth with silver utensils. I need filtered water with fresh ice cubes in a tall glass with lemon. I need a pool and egyptian cotton towels and the list goes on and on. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

Food Demons Don't Die

Picking up on something I mentioned in my last post. The last few days I've been overeating and then regretting it. Funny how you think you finally have the upper hand with your food demons and then wham! Back in your face.

Our office moved into a new building today (yay! i'll post pics of my lovely new cube soon) so, to add to the two meals at which I overate this weekend, today I had to face free office meals. I made good choices at the breakfast spread, avoiding the bagels and sticking with fruit since I already ate my cereal at home.

The pizza/salad lunch was not on the plan but I felt okay about eating two pieces of veggie pizza and salad. But the little individual chocolate bowl was KILLING ME!! I must have eaten at least 10 of them. You know the individual Hershey's with almonds and toffee? And then back to the kitchen for a third slice of pizza. Gahhhh!!! More chocolate after that and I am feeling very out of control.

The work day is usually a safe haven from food temptations for me. I rarely go out to lunch and we rarely have free meals delivered. It's normally the evening in which I have to face these dilemmas. Anyway, after eating all that crap I wasn't feeling so motivated to go to the gym. You'd think it'd be the other way around and I'd be saying, "Wow, I ate too much, I need to hit the gym!" But noooo, I overeat and want to pass on the gym.

Today was supposed to be the gym followed by the pool. I skipped the gym but mustered the strength to go to the pool. Honestly, after what Jean did for me letting me swim I didn't want to flake. I went to the pool and put in some laps. A mile altogether. I felt very disorganized with my stroke, I felt low in the water and just a mess. I had considered going to the gym afterward but when I left the pool at 7:45 I realized it wasn't worth killing myself to get to the gym. I mean I'm not a friggin' Olympian.

So on the way to the pool I made a plan to eat only fruit and veggies for dinner to try and compensate. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I question decisions like this one. Am I restricting my food unrealistically? Or am I just balancing out a very high calorie day. I'm hoping it's the latter. Oh, and my Points? I just wiped out the day, which is 23 points, even though I know I ate more than that. But I have no WPAs left. Sometimes you just gotta move on.

Wanna see my salad? It was mixed baby greens with mushrooms, beats, tomatoes and my favorite salad dressing, Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette (only 1 Point for 2 Tablespoons, which is almost always more than enough). It was very yummy. I ate an apple while I prepared the salad and I'm heading off for bed in a bit.

As they say, tomorrow is another day. The chocolate bowl will still be there. It's a damn big bowl and despite my best effort I didn't empty it. I will not eat any of that chocolate tomorrow. Do you hear me Michelle? I will not eat that chocolate. I will not.