Something Clicked! ....and Hiking in Robert Louis Stevenson State Park

I've got it! That elusive thing called motivation. It's not seeping out of my pores or anything but it's enough that I want to track and feel a real desire to meet (but not exceed) my weight-gain goal. I'm feeling real ownership of this goal. I started my meal tracking at GoogleDocs and plan to waltz into my nutrition appointment with one month of tracking.

My returned motivation is partly due to all the encouragement you guys gave me. As the "You can do it!"'s and the "We believe in you!"'s came in something just clicked in my brain. Yes, I can do it. These people know my struggle and they believe and by golly they are right! A million thank you's for the support, it really makes a difference in my life.

So what else have I accomplished this weekend? I've been hankering for some hiking and when Weekend Sherpa described a hike in Robert Louis Stevenson State Park above Calistoga in the Napa Valley, well, it was just what I was looking for. The weather was beyond perfect, sunny but not hot, a nice breeze now and then, enough clouds in the sky to provide gorgeous backdrops and welcome shade.

We started out headed for Table Rock, a rock formation that's supposed to be out there somewhere. It wasn't very far into the hike before we got huge payoff views. Here I am at the first vista.

Did I lie about the gorgeousness of it all? This was less than a mile in.

And just around the bend, another beautiful view of the Napa Valley. Here's my favorite hiking buddy posing for me :) I really couldn't believe that this awe-inspiring hike was hiding away up here.

About 1.3 miles in we came upon an incredible rock formation. Big huge pieces of rock jutting out of the ground. I felt like a kid in a playground. We climbed all over it and had fun taking pictures and posing like we'd summitted Mt. Everest.

Hi!!

Notice the sky? Days like these fill me with gratitude. We decided this was the perfect spot for lunch. We had deli sandwiches and fruit. I had a chicken breast sandwich on whole wheat bread with avocado. That and my banana was a meal I could feel good about.

The views were nearly 360°. Here I am dangling my feet like a little girl.

After lunch we carried on toward Table Rock. We practically had the place to ourselves. We saw only a handful of people all day. But probably the greatest thing about this hike, besides the views, was the changing landscape. We'd go over barren, rocky patches and then be pushing our way through 6' tall vegetation and manzanita bushes. Miguel was having all kinds of fun playing with all the rocks. He got a little big for his britches though when he tried to move this one!

For a while in college I considered majoring in Geology, I just love rocks and terrain and stuff. How excited was I when we came upon a rock garden, with a labyrinth! Out here in the middle of nowhere!

I almost feel guilty sharing all these pictures with you. But come to Northern California!! I promise we'll share :) Here's Miguel next to another fabulous rock thingy. Made me wish I had my old Geology teacher, Mr. Hamilton, with me to explain what all these things were.

So we were happily hiking along and enjoying the scenery when we started to wonder if we were ever going to get to Table Rock. It wasn't getting late really but we also didn't want to push it and have to hurry back to the car. We decided to hike a little while longer and see what we see. While I wouldn't describe the hike as grueling, we were both sweating and some of the uphills had me breathing deeply. I'd forgotten to wear my heart rate monitor, which bummed me out. I feel better when I know I'm not pushing it.

Anyway, further hiking brought us no closer to anything that looked like Table Rock so we decided to turn back. About a half-mile back we noticed another trail that we probably should have taken. We hiked down that for a bit and decided it was probably the trail to Table Rock. But by this time we were both sort of ready to make the return trek to the car.

So, sadly, no Table Rock for us. I can't say I'm disappointed. The weather, the beauty, the rocks, the blue sky, the breeze, the clouds...my plate was overflowing. We hiked 4.3 miles in all. But with the sometimes treachourous terrain it really felt like more. All told we were out there about 3 hours.

My aunt is in town visiting my mom so on the way home I decided to call and see if they wanted us to stop by for dinner. Yep! We decided on Chinese Food. I probably burned a ton of calories during the hike, and I'm not supposed to be losing weight, so I decided Chinese Food was an acceptable choice. We had a nice dinner and by the time we got home I was exhausted! I slept so good last night.

Next week I'm shooting to track all week, get in two additional days of at least 30 minutes exercise, and reap the benefits of my newfound motivation. Oh! In my next post I need to update you on my plans for the Oly in October, the Marin Triathlon. Rest assured, I will be there one way or another!!

Do You Really Want to Know?

Yes, I think I do. Well, maybe, okay...yes, please tell me. Even though it will hurt, and I might cry.

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This past week has been okay on the food/exercise front. I flipped out a couple weeks ago when I shot up to over 170 but I think the swim class and somewhat improved eating kept things from getting out of control. Out of curiosity and concern I wore my heart Polar during swim class on Monday to see how high my heart rate was getting. It stayed mostly in the 140's-150's, which is a comfortable range for me. During the 1.5 hour class I burned 600 calories. That was a particularly tough class, Wednesday seemed easier, though I didn't wear the Polar so I can't be sure.

I went to see Christine today, my pregnancy nutritionist. As you might recall (wait, did I even tell you this before?), between our last appointment one month ago and today's I was supposed to gain no more than 3 pounds. We have a goal of my gaining 20-25 pounds during the pregnancy. Can I do it? Will I do it?

Well, if I'm going to do it I need to buckle down. So, did I gain 3 pounds over these past four weeks? Yes I did...and then some. I gained 5.5 pounds. I'm now 170 pounds. Yikes! Please, I know I'm pregnant and pregnant women gain weight but I must have a moment to freak out. Especially because I need that freak out energy to motivate me for what lies ahead. Are you ready for this? In the next four weeks Christine wants me to gain...no more than 1.5 pounds. Can you say Yowza! According to Christine my response to that number did not sound very confident.

I asked her if that number is realistic. Is it really realistic for me to go from 15 weeks to 19 weeks pregnant and only gain 1.5 pounds? She assured me it is. Dammit! She graphed my recent weight gain and if I stay on this course, well, things could get dire. The truth is I don't want to have a ton of weight to lose after I give birth. I don't want to have to deal with that extra stress when my little one and I are hanging out at home getting to know one another (!!). So, this is my goal, right? No one is forcing this on me. That's something that is so easy for me to forget.

I did a little photoshopping to really drive home the point of what I'm trying to avoid. This is what I don't want to look like in 5 months. This is serious. I want to stay healthy, I want to be a healthy, fit mom.

"Women who are very overweight or very underweight at the start of pregnancy are at greater risk of developing complications during pregnancy or at delivery. For the overweight woman, these complications include high blood pressure, toxemia, cesarean birth, kidney ailments, gestational diabetes and a long labor."

A bunch of things need to change in order for me to show up to Christine's office 4 weeks from now weighing no more than 171.5 pounds. First, I need to track. I need to stop talking about tracking and actually track. I'm going to start tomorrow (don't laugh!) and put my food into a GoogleDocs spreadsheet. Feel free to follow along. Second, I need to follow the food plan she gave me we created. Funny thing about the food plan, it doesn't include tacos and milkshakes from Jack in the Box. Or nachos. Third, I need to squeeze in a little more exercise. Right now I'm going to swim class twice a week and doing something recreational on the weekend. Christine recommends adding two 1/2 hour walks per week to get up to 5 days of exercise per week. I know that would do loads for my metabolism.

How's that for some needed changes? Track, follow the meal plan, and exercise. Sound familiar? I know this, I did this for 1.5 years. I can do this.

Other small changes I plan to make include not bringing red-light foods into the house. I know I can't resist eating a whole stack of low-fat graham crackers so why buy a box? Did I get more will power along with pregnancy? No. Another thing is getting more diligent about getting my fruits/veggies in. I struggled with a veggie aversion but that's getting better and I can eat all sorts now so no more excuses. Also plan to prepare more meals at home. There's really no excuse for not making dinner anymore.

Well, there you have it.  Things have to change around here.  I showed Christine my blog because I wanted her to see what I looked like before.  I wanted her to know my fear.  After looking at the pictures she asked me, "Do you really want to know?  If things start to get bad do you really want me to tell you?"  Yes.  Yes!  I know Christine wants for me what I want for myself - a fit and healthy pregnancy.  A healthy weight gain.  A healthy baby.  A happy mommy.  I'm feeling very motivated.  I'm feeling confident.  I believe in my ability.  I know that if I really want this, I can do it.

Napa Sonoma Ride Redux, but first...A Scale Rant

Before I yap on and on about the goings on of my week I want to rant about something for a minute. The Scale. We all know The Scale can be a cruel and unusually mysterious creature. I've had my share of moments standing there naked, post-restroom, pre-breakfast, with both a boggled and angry look on my face. The Scale does not always make sense. And the reason it doesn't make sense is because The Scale only tells part of the story. I know I say this a lot but only because it's true.

Being pregnant, my relationship with the scale is changing. Oh, I still turn to the scale for information, but for some reason this different relationship has given me a new view of my old friend. And I'm not liking a lot of what I'm seeing.

I've tried to organize my thoughts into a list. Without further ado...Here are Five things about The Scale that drive me crazy

1. The Scale does not have all the answers. If I were to tell you, "I'm going to make a recipe and the ingredients are beef, brown gravy mix, dried Italian salad dressing mix, ranch dressing mix, and water and then asked, "What am I making?," would you know? Highly unlikely, right? Why? Because you don't know the amounts of ingredients, you don't know the preparation, the cooking instructions, etc. Would you be upset with yourself for not knowing? Would you be baffled as to why you don't know? Of course not. You'd say, "How could I know? I don't have enough information!" Well, to me, that's what we expect of ourselves when we hop on that scale, see a number we didn't expect and then get upset. So many things go into our weight - calories in, temperature, sodium in, waste out, time of day...the list goes on and on. The Scale does not have The Answer...it really doesn't.

2. The Scale reveals minute changes in our weight. We say things like, "I don't understand, I ate healthy, exercised...why am I up .4 pounds?" Point 4 pounds? Seriously? My scale gives my weight down to 1/10th. Most of the time I think that's a good thing. But sometimes it's not. We lose perspective. We seem to forget that at 164 pounds .4 is a .2% change in our body weight. Not even 1%, not even a 1/2 of a percent...but .2% people! Why are we reacting to this?

3. The Scale is a progress report on our goal of improved health. As if they are one in the same. If I gain one pound this week (imagine I'm not pregnant but still trying to lose weight) you might hear me say something like, "I had a bad week." But whoa...what if I'd gone to the gym 5 days that week and reached a personal best on the treadmill? What if I resisted giving into a Taco Bell urge on my way home from work after a stressful day? What if I learned a new healthy recipe version of my favorite comfort food (that I actually like)? Those are all fabulous accomplishments that will serve me in my long term goal of weight loss and health. They are also signs that I am indeed living this new healthy lifestyle. They contradict my earlier conclusion that I had a bad week. Don't they?

4. The Scale tells us how to feel. Why do we let the scale effect our mood? Why is The Scale the one that tells us how to feel? What to think? What to do next? Well, partially, I think, because it gives us (in seconds) something concrete to focus on. Measuring ourselves takes time, and it might take weeks before we see a change. Weeks? Are you kidding me? Why wait weeks to get feedback on how I'm doing when I can hop on the scale in the morning, mid-morning, afternoon, late afternoon, evening, late evening...etc, etc. I've read more than one post in which the writer weighed herself and was up a tiny bit more than she wanted to be. She did some shenanigans (losing the clothes, using the restroom, etc) and hopped back on. Lo and behold that extra weight is gone and happiness ensues. Something is just not right with that picture. And yet I've been that person so many, many times.

5. Despite all of the above, The Scale does not go away. I've met those woman who never weigh themselves. They say honorable things like, "I let the fit of my clothes tell me if I need to start eating less." These people have somehow broken free from the cruelty of that little measuring device. I think it's great. I wish I could do it. Well, obviously I don't because I haven't. I'm as addicted to that instant feedback as the next girl. Even though it doesn't always make sense, it can put me in a bad mood, it lies (oh and don't think it doesn't, it will lie straight to your face without a second thought), it's unreliable and inconsistent...even though I swear it hates me, I won't get rid of it. And neither will you. And that's the worst of all.

So what inspired me to put together this list? You. As I was riding my bike today I started thinking about some of the anguish, the torture, the pain I've read lately in some blogs. Women truly, seriously frustrated, women confused, women depressed. And I've been that woman, I am that woman too. I wrote this list to try and break us free from the insanity. We need a new relationship with the scale. How to do that? Well, give me time, I haven't had that epiphany yet :) The good news is we weigh ourselves because we are driven, we want to get healthy. And we want to know how it's going. We weigh ourselves because we care. I think it's what we do with the number that gets a little screwy.

That's enough of that. Let me tell you how things have been going here. I went to my swim class on Wednesday evening and once again felt great when I left.  Too bad that didn't translate into any other exercise for the week.  Finally today, Sunday, Miguel and I went for a bike ride.  I decided to take him on the ride I did last week, the Napa to Sonoma and back 30-miler.

The weather was cooler than last weekend, which is nice. We had a very nice ride to Sonoma and once there we happened upon a celebration for Mexican Independence. There were dancers and singers and it was an awesome little surprise.

After watching the dancers for a while we went to a deli and purchased some food for an impromptu picnic.

I had some egg salad on lettuce with tomatoes, cucumber and carrots and we shared some salami, cheese and bread.  It was a great little lunch.  While we were eating the mariachi band was playing and it all felt so perfect.

On the ride back I really paced myself.  I remember how I pooped out last Sunday about 7 miles from the end.  I didn't want that to happen again, and it didn't.  I felt good the whole ride, save a little bit of a sore butt and legs now and again.  Here I am on our return leg.

 

What a picture perfect day, right?  

Well, that's about it for me.  It's late and I'm tired.  Off to enjoy some sleep.  Have a great week everyone!!

Oh, and by the way, the ingredients mentioned earlier are for "To Die for Crock Pot Roast"

Things Only Get Better

So far, this week is going pretty well. I haven't made any drastic changes in the food department but most of the out of control eating has stopped. I got on the scale though and I am nearing 170! That really freaked me out. This weight gaining thing is going to be hard psychologically, especially when I'm going over what the nutritionist recommended. I am constantly feeding myself positive affirmations about what I am now doing right and reminding myself that I can't undo previous food choices. I am back to see Christine, the nutritionist, next Friday and will have to admit I haven't been tracking (which I just sneaked into admitting here). To give you an idea of my current food I'll run down today's food plan:

Breakfast: Special K Protein Plus & FF Milk
Snack: Banana with 2 TB of Simply Jif Peanut Butter
Lunch: Tri Tip (probably 5+ ounces), steamed rice (~a cup), zucchini (look Ma! It's a veggie!)
Snack: FF Cottage Cheese and Mixed Fruit Cup in Lite Syrup
Dinner: ?? Probably some incarnation involving Ground Turkey Breast, Roasted Broccolini w/ Olive Oil
Dessert: Some 100 calorie treat

Hopefully I can stick to this and not sneak in a few cookies, graham crackers, chips, M&M's, or whatever else tempts me.

I had my monthly OB appointment on Monday afternoon. I was very anxious to confirm that the little guy is alright. I think having had a miscarriage just makes me very nervous. I held my breath while the doctor looked for his heartbeat with the Doppler thing. When she found it I teared up and just took it in, "I never get tired of hearing that." She just let it sit there for a few moments while I listened. Now that I am officially, officially out of the 1st trimester and have confirmed he's alive and well in there I am feeling much more relaxed.

So I went to my swim class on Monday and once again left feeling on top of the world. I can't say often enough how happy I am to have that class. I think it's keeping me sane despite the scale. We did some drills that involved swimming 3 laps fast. I was definitely breathing hard but I don't think I overdid it. Plus it was for 1 min 15 sec at a time. And I learned have a pretty strong breaststroke kick. I was flying by the other swimmers :) I'm looking forward to going again this evening. I don't know what my 3rd workout type activity will be this week. It's supposed to be hot this weekend so I'm thinking of the beach for Saturday with Miguel, which won't be a workout. So Sunday I'll have to come up with something. Maybe I'll visit that place, what's it called? The gym? I have been wanting to do some light weight training.

Guess what? I got a haircut!! I've been thinking about it for a while and finally took the plunge earlier this week. Nothing too drastic, just shorter, with some layers in the back and around my face. I don't have my normal camera so here's a phone picture. I'm really liking it. Part of why I went shorter was so I would wear it down more often. So far, so good. But man am I getting a lot of gray hairs!

Well, that's it for me. I'm off to enjoy my lunch.

Music, Cycling and Onion Rings

Don't those go together well? Okay, maybe not but they were all present in my weekend. Miguel has realized that he now has the best excuse to make me get rid of some of our stuff my junk, "we need to make room for the baby." He doesn't understand why I need to own so many books, especially ones I've already read. And I do have a tendency toward things in a frame - art, photos, artistic photos. We have stuff tucked under the bed, hiding under the coffee table. Anyway, we spent Saturday going through the living room book shelves and hiding spots and throwing out stuff we don't need. Admittedly I didn't get rid of many books - I'd already purged when we moved here and what's left are my favorites. But we got rid of lots of other junk. Why did I even have 4 boxes of pencil lead? I don't even use mechanical pencils.

Saturday evening rolled around and we had tickets to see Dave Matthews Band at the Greek Theater in Berkeley. I bought these way back when and honestly admit I wasn't as excited to go. A late night, lots of smoke in the air (which, not being cigarette smoke it really isn't that bad), general admission seating. Ugh. I wish the concert had made up for all that but sadly, we weren't thrilled. We were sitting on a slope all evening and our butts kept going numb. Granted it was our fault for not getting there sooner to get seats but I also didn't want to arrive 2 hours early. The music was good but they tend toward long, jammish versions of their songs so we often didn't recognize what we were listening to. And, and I'll admit this really peeved me, they didn't play Crash Into Me, my favorite DMB song. So I went home a little disappointed and really tired with a sore backside.

When I woke up this morning I felt pretty tired and seriously considered canceling my planned bike ride. But I thought, "What will I have done this weekend if I skip this ride?" and, "What am I going to do all day, sit on my ass?". So those two thoughts got me out of bed. On the way there I started to get really nervous about my ability to keep up. I kept reminding myself I could turn around if it got to be too much. We met up at a diner next to a wharf along the Napa River.

We got riding and I was in the middle of the group, with some ahead of me and some behind me. Things were going smooth and I was feeling good. The weather was gorgeous and the surrounds of rolling hills and vineyards can't be beat. Around mile 10 I decided to slow down to ride with a friend that I enjoy chatting with. She was the last rider and was happy for the company. We arrived at Sonoma Plaza and took a little rest. Here's a picture of some of our group during the break.

We headed back and some of the riders decided to do a side route that included a big climb. I passed on that one. I rode back with the same woman that I was chatting with and by about Mile 23 I was feeling really pooped! Good thing I rode with her at the slower pace because I don't think I would have had enough gas in the tank to make it back if I'd kept up that middle of the pack pace. I felt a little shaky and it was getting pretty hot out so I just took it easy, ate my ShotBlox, drank a lot of water and enjoyed the scenery. I posted the route to mapmyride, click here to check it out.

When we got back to the diner we went in for lunch. I did some stretching and then sat down to a patty melt and onion rings. Shhh! The view of the river was peaceful and there was a nice breeze. We sat around chatting for a bit and I admit, I was happy I made myself get out of bed. This 30 mile ride really got me thinking about the 26 mile bike leg of the tri in October. I don't think I'll know until mid October how doable it will be for me.

I will consider this weekend a success. My eating still leaves a lot to be desired but the good thing is I am thinking a lot about the changes I need to make. That's usually the first step in my change process. And I'll be making a healthy dinner to balance out the fatty lunch.

I'll close with a picture of some grapes. Everywhere the vines were heavy with them and they were just gorgeous with the sun shining on them. And given my status this is as close as I can get to wine at the moment :) I hope you all had a great weekend too!!

Update: I just got emailed a picture another rider took. It's so cute I want to share it too!!