Big Day #2, It's a Wrap!

Big Day #2 is coming to a close. And while this was a big day just like yesterday, they were very different. Yesterday was more about fun, confidence, and celebrating who I am today. Today felt more about sharing the message of hope for successful weight loss and maintenance, and involved a ton of nerves!

Fortunately we had a late call this morning. Roni checked with me about breakfast and after sleeping in (me, not her, she did a CrossFit workout this morning) I was ready to do something. So I packed up my clothes and met her at the hotel restaurant. Our hosts gave us dining money and neither of us were even close on spending it so we went crazy with breakfast, trying a bit of everything. Really it was more like brunch, which maybe will make this sound better.

I ordered oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins, a veggie/avocado/cheese scramble with hash browns and we shared a side of jalapeno bacon (bacon marinated in jalapenos - now there's an idea!). She had a scramble, hash browns and a side of fruit. The food was all delicious. The scrambles had more choices of cheese than I've ever seen on a menu. I love gruyere cheese so I went with that, yum!

The waiter even commented on our order, "that's a lot of food." Yep, but we got it covered. Kind of. I ate most of my oatmeal, most of my scramble, skimmed the yummy/crunchy part off the hash browns and left the rest, and had a slice of bacon. I'd meant to take pics of my food when it arrived but didn't remember until I was almost done. Oh well, better late than never.

Julie, one of our hosts, arrived and I was able to share our bacon and my avocado with her. I joked with her that in the past that bacon would've been gone before she arrived. There's always going to be more food. It's not that I had a past fear of not having enough food, but I think subconsciously I viewed eating as an opportunity that I shouldn't pass up. Now I know, food is everywhere, very rarely is food a special opportunity. And when it is, I indulge, so I'm not missing out on a thing.

Anyway, back to my day. After breakfast our driver took us to the studio. More hair and makeup and more feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the changes that have taken place in my life over the past 6.5 years. There's the obvious change, the weight loss, but there's also becoming a mother to my two little loves, discovering the me I am today, and being willing wanting to boldly follow my path, where ever it leads and whatever fears I encounter along the way.

Ok, Michelle, pull it in, focus.

On the lot, heading into the stage area

Here I am getting makeup done by Jan Ping, a cancer survivor, Emmy award winning makeup artist. And an absolutely gorgeous woman!! Jan made me super glamorous and I'll admit, I felt a bit funny with all that eye makeup on but everyone assured me it will look good on TV.

Then it was on to hair, where Mimi Love - yes, that's her real name - made me look like a pro.

The final product!

Next up were microphones.

Me getting mic'd.

Roni and Erika's turn.

And then it was heading to the stage. My nerves are starting to climb!

I watched them prepping on the stage monitors and almost burst into tears. I felt like I was about to get a major award, like this was my Oscars or something. It's obviously not that big of an event but for me, on this journey, it felt that big. You know this isn't my normal life. All this attention, the recognition of my journey, it was a bit overwhelming.

Final pep talk from the stage manager and then 3, 2, 1...Go!

I wish I could tell you more but the rest will have to wait for a while. I will tell you I got to spend more time with two amazing fellow bloggers, Erika and Roni, and with our gracious, giving, kind, thoughtful, encouraging, supportive hosts. Can I say more nice things about these women? They treated us like the big-timers we obviously are (ha!) and reinforced our stories and our blogs as important, inspiring and motivating.

Here's a pic of me with Julie and Susan. Can't you tell just from the picture how awesome they are?!

Susan, Moi and Julie.

And even more photo love.

Erika, Julie, Me and Roni.

I'm at the airport waiting for my delayed flight to take me home. For dinner I had a McDonald's hamburger, a small bag of corn nuts and a McDonald's cone. And I have a bag of peanut M&Ms for the flight. I know, I know. It's all the nervous energy I think. To make matters worse I was hoping to get home in time to see my babies but with the flight delay they will be sleeping before I get there. I miss those little buggers. See you soon little loves!

I may never have another experience like this one again. But the memories - the people, the pictures, the feelings and the lessons - those will stay with me. And with that, Big Day #2 is a wrap!

Big Day #1

Whew, I'm exhausted. That is EXHAUSTED! Life has been crazier than ever. I can't possibly catch up since my last post so I'll mostly be sharing pictures. A highlight was this past Sunday when I went wine tasting with some friends. We stopped for a bit of shopping and though I didn't actually buy it, I loved this look.

Actually, the boots are mine. I loved the outfit but had to pass on the jeans and top for budgetary reasons.

Don't ask me about Monday, it's no fun. Let's move on to yesterday.

After work I flew to Hollywood, CA. I arrived at my hotel and promptly took in the scene. Cool, hip, fun.

I went down for dinner with one of the folks running this whole operation. Dinner was super yummy, we shared a couple appetizers and for my entree I had yet another appetizer, grilled octopus. It was just the right size and I enjoyed eating something I certainly wouldn't make at home. After dinner I met up with a co-secret-operation chick and went for an evening stroll.

Up bright and early this morning for Big Day #1. First to film some B roll (whatever the heck that is). Here I am with one of the producers and an intern.

Say Hi to Rob Bender and Hannah Henrickson

 At one point Hannah was holding my coffee while I was being interviewed and I had this, "whoa, I'm almost like a superstar" moment. Yeah, I know...almost is an understatement, but a girl can still daydream, right?

As I mentioned, I'm not alone in this whole thing, I have co-secret-operation chicks. Oh heck, I hope it's ok to mention the fellow bloggers with whom I'm having all this fun, Roni Noone from Roni's Weigh and Erika Kendall from A Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss.

Roni waiting for her time to shoot

After the B roll business it was off to the studio for lots of picture taking, video capturing, interview having fun. The number of people that go into pulling off these types of operations is amazing, and they all work hard to make folks look good and feel good so they can have a great experience, be it personal or professional. I was so impressed by all of them - and since I can't go on and on about what this deal is all about - I want to use this post to share their pics and say a BIG thank you!!

First up is Erika, who did my makeup, working her magic on my face.

Thanks Erika!

Then off to hair, where Kristen continued with the prettying up.

And finally, clothes! Robyn helped us find the right duds for the "look" and Cee kept the clothes looking sharp for us.

How cute is Robyn?!

And there's Cee, prepping shoes while our hair and makeup gurus hang out.

So we're all set, ready to take some pictures!!

That's our super cool photographer Cheyenne Ellis getting things ready for us. Her energy was right up my alley, relaxed but serious. Did I mention she's gorgeous?!

Thank you Cheyenne!

Oh, and then there's Justin. He spent most of the day tracking as part of the whole operation. Which, quite frankly, was painless based only in part on his being so damn cute! The other part was that he was friendly and fun. A couple times during the day he saved us with music when our energy lagged.

Thanks Justin!

Let's see...who else was involved in all of this? There are others, but I think I have to save them for whenever it is I can talk about what this all was. I know, I know, I wish I could tell you all about it but the powers that be want us to keep mum until...until early next year. Then you know I'll go nuts posting pictures and video and the whole story.

But for now, I'll just share what I can...more pictures! Forgive me in advance for all the selfies. But hey, this is a blog, it goes along with the deal right?

Hi Erika!!

Lunch! You know I had cookies.

A photo-bombing photographer.

So I roped him for a selfie.

A total Glamour selfie with Roni. OMG, we are too much! I love it!!

And finally, a somewhat random picture that says so much...I had to have my blouse "pinned" because it was too big. What life is this I'm living? This is so surreal, so exciting and energizing! I can't wait to tell you more, and I can't wait to hopefully inspire someone, any one, just that one person, to get off the couch and start living!!

Tomorrow is Big Day #2. And I'm sure I'll write another equally secretive post to tell you as much as I can. And then it's back to my normal life. Unfortunately I didn't land a co-hosting gig on the Today show and I'm not on Amazing Race so this is a one-shot deal...really a two-in-one shot deal, well, actually, turns out it's a three-in-one but who's counting? Point is, tomorrow evening I'm heading back to my life.

Oh, last thing...after this whole big exciting day I mustered up the energy to exercise. I put on my running clothes and hit the streets of LA, running over the Hollywood Walk of Fame...which reminds me of a picture I forgot to share (gasp!)...I took this while out on that stroll last night with Roni...

I love Bette Midler!

Anyway, back to tonight...I went out for a quick run. I have no idea how far, for how long, or how fast I ran...all I know is I ran, and that's all that matters on a day like today. Then I hit the hotel gym for a quick weight training session. And then the treadmill for a mile (I'll admit the mystery distance bugged me and running the mile on the treadmill somehow made me feel better. I just needed a number! I'm crazy.) After the workout it was a quick trip back to the room to ready for dinner.

Dinner was super yummy, with great company, and included a round of desserts. Now I'm back in the room sharing all the fun here. My next post will probably be this weekend when I hope to tell you I've been exercising consistently and eating, well, let's just focus on the exercise for now. I hope you enjoyed all the pics, night all! And Lindsey, I'll see YOU tomorrow!!

Slightly Astray

Welllll, the week isn't exactly wrapping up like I'd hoped. I planned to exercise yesterday and today but neither happened. Yesterday turned out to be busier than I expected and by the time the workday was done it was time to get ready for a dinner out with friends. I was planning to wear a dress but just didn't have that dress feeling - probably because it's TTOTM and I'm all bloaty - so wore jeans and a blouse with a blazer. I love blazers, I never felt cute in them before losing weight but now they're a fall staple.

Dinner was interesting in that I had quite a few drinks and didn't feel under the influence. I think that means I've been drinking too much lately. I had 2 glasses of champagne, a glass of wine and most of a small glass of port and didn't feel even slightly buzzy. My dinner eating behavior was good. I was in wonderful company and I think that kept me distracted from the food. Even the yummy desserts we all shared didn't lead me to overeat. Alcohol + restaurant food usually = an overfull feeling but not this time.

Had I not had the alcohol at dinner I might have been tempted into a late night run. Or not. I woke up this morning with a scheme to get to the gym after work. Didn't happen. I was tired and dragging come late afternoon and didn't have the mindset to get myself there. Danger, Michelle...this is not the way. Tomorrow is Saturday, typically a rest day, but I'd like to get some exercise, and just might, depending on how the day plays out.

Sunday I have plans to go to brunch and wine tasting with my fabulous mommy friends. That's going to involve some calories for sure so if I get a run or something in tomorrow that would be good. And tonight I might've had the remainder of Miguel's birthday cake from Wednesday. That was after having leftovers from last night's meal for dinner tonight. Leftover Friday I guess. A nice wallop of calories there too.

So, as you can imagine, my gusto is a little busto at the moment, but two steps forward and one step back will get me there eventually. Thank you for all the support of late on my blog and on my FB page. It's been great and much appreciated.

What I Know Is True

This week is getting better with each passing day. As you know, I've mentioned that I'm currently navigating some difficult personal issues and that hasn't let up. The stress from that reached a bit of a psychological peak on Sunday/Monday and since then I've had a bit of mental relief. Just easing up on myself, taking off some of the pressure and self-criticism in which I'd been wallowing around. That, coupled with a return to exercise has me feeling significantly better about myself, about my life and about the future. Not to mention the here-and-now.

So Monday, after lazing around all morning in said wallowing, I finally got myself out for a run. It was either that or leap off the closest tall building. The run seemed like the better choice. I had my Garmin on but I purposefully decided to not look at it. Just run. Run like the wind, run fierce and strong, breathe deep and hard, run painfully, outrun the pain, outrun the anguish. In the end I ran 3 miles in just over 27 minutes. Then I went to the gym and lifted weights. I'm still doing this modified full body workout while I get my muscles used to moving again.

After the workout I felt better. I had a bit of a drive ahead of me and it was late, 2pm, and I was starving. I pulled into a strip mall for a late lunch and saw two choices pop out - Quiznos or Chinese food takeout. Ohhh, Chinese food. I was about to go there and get some (I'm sure) awful food like sesame chicken, fried rice, and slathered-in-oil veggies when a thought popped into my head, "you'll feel WAY better if you eat something healthy." That was enough to get me into Quiznos and order a turkey flatbread for 470 calories. Before I even ate the food I felt better about myself, knowing I was making a choice that was in my own best interest, that said, "I care about myself, I matter enough."

That said, I was still deep in psychological angst and stayed in a dark place the rest of the day. Which is ok. Feelings are feelings and I can feel them and still be ok. I don't remember what I had for dinner, and how much/if there was snacking, etc. But I'm focusing on my exercising right now and being patient with the eating/food falling into place. So whatever happened, happened.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I got myself to that WW meeting I'd promised to get to. And it was great. Simply being around others on this journey is inspiring. Seeing a woman who has 100+ pounds of weight to lose celebrating hitting her 40 pound lost mark was a big reminder of where I've been and what I'm doing. Something unexpected happened. I found out that for every year of maintaining you get recognized in the meeting. If you weigh in 10 out of the 12 months at goal weight you get another key.

Lifetime key has a new buddy, 1 year key.

So I added it to my keyring right next to my Lifetime key. I plan to collect a whole slew of these things. I didn't realize it but I was sitting next to a woman who was also celebrating her first year of maintenance. So we both said a few words about what's helped us (hers was going to meetings, mine was that plus never forgetting how much I want this). It was just what I needed.

That day at lunch I had what I'd consider a normal sized lunch but for whatever reason felt really full. For the first time in a while I had that, "I feel fat" feeling. So I sent a text to a friend for support, "You are not fat, In fact, you're that skinny woman that everyone hates because you're so skinny." I laughed out loud. Ok, that helped. Thanks Stacy! I sure hope that's not true, by the way, but the thought just made me smile, which is what I needed.

I went to a meeting in the late afternoon and darnit if they didn't have lemon cream pie. Probably my all-time favorite pie. So I had a big piece. And also sampled the chocolate cream cheese frosting cake. Ugh. But you know what? It's ok. Focus on the exercise, the food will fall into place. That's what has always happened, what I know is true. Just keep doing what works.

So after work I hit the gym with a plan to ride the upright bike. But a spin class was about to start when I got there so I hustled into change and got a bike. I could only stay in the class for 45 minutes but that was awesome! I was sweating like crazy and my heart got a real workout. Then I went and did just a few weights because my body is still adjusting and is sore. I left the gym feeling about as spiffy as a new car, with an extra dose of gratitude that the darkness is lifting.

Today is Miguel's 40th birthday. I'm heading out now to get a cake, etc, and my mom is making dinner. We're going to have a small celebration with the kids after he gets off work. They are very excited about his birthday, which is so sweet. Children are a gift, they shine such a light on all that is right in the world. I am grateful for their health and love and light. And also grateful they have an amazing dad. They are so lucky to have him. Happy Birthday Miguel!

Ok, that's all I have. Today is a rest day, back at the exercise tomorrow. One last thing - I got a haircut on Friday. A little shorter than usual and I love it!!

The Comeback

Holiday weekends are just lovely. You get to fill in all the weekend stuff, and then there's an extra day. Bonus! On Friday I hit the gym after work and did 25 minutes on the upright bike. I did level 8 but at one point had to drop down the resistance for a minute. Normally I'd die before dropping down the resistance but being I haven't had a regular exercise pattern of late, I made an exception. And my ego is still in fine shape.

After the bike I did a full round of body weight exercises. This time I focused a bit more on my back and PT exercises. My shoulder is finally starting to ease up on the pain front. In the bad news department, I'm still struggling a bit with afternoon fatigue. It would probably help if I got a bit more sleep.

Saturday was a lazy day. I lounged around all morning and in the afternoon did a little wine tasting with a friend before doing a bit of shopping. I need an outfit for my upcoming secret-fun-news so I bought a few things. I might post some of the outfits on FB and see what you guys think. Then it was off to dinner with Miguel and the kids, where I ate way too many chips and made a not-so-healthy dinner choice (a beef taco and a chicken enchilada, if you must know). Oh, and I might have also had a couple margaritas. Look for the scale to be inching up.

Today, Sunday, I managed to get out for a nice hike on Mt Hamilton. The hike was about 2 hours in all, mostly climbing on the way in, downhill on the way out. The weather was typical Bay Area fall - clear, sunny with just a touch of crisp coolness in the air. I couldn't find my Garmin before I left so I can't post the route to show elevation change. I was tempted to run at various points but decided to just take it easy, easing my body back into full blown exercise mode. Besides, mentally, it was nice to take a more leisurely pace.

That's all I got. My eating (and drinking) remains in the fair to poor range but it's not as abysmal as it was. More importantly, my healthy-lifestyle confidence is edging back up. Maintenance is all about the comeback. Heck, this whole journey is all about the comeback. And baby, I'm coming back!