Whew!

I lost 3 pounds this week! It's nice to drop down. I am now 11 pounds away from my "must exercise" weight. I have allowed myself the time to develop the natural desire to exercise but decided that if this natural desire doesn't lead to me exercising than I will force the issue when I drop below 200 pounds. Getting closer. I have been thinking more and more about exercising. Hasn't produced results yet but one thing that's changing is my internal reaction to the thought of exercising. It's no longer, "exercise - yuck!" but "exercise, that sounds like a good idea". Like I said, no results yet but I'm moving in the right direction. I don't want to force the health issue this time, I want to evolve to a place where it is really me just living my internal state. Warning...psychobabble ahead.

I've been working on stuff in therapy for the last year and things have really intensified lately. I've figured out that my weight is really about my wanting to be invisible. I don't want to be seen. I think that becoming comfortable with being seen without feeling exposed and vulnerable will help clear out some of my subconscious reasons for eating. Also, I think that by addressing this "stuff" I will learn to feel my feelings without fear and will no longer rely on food to avoid my feelings. It's not that any of this is conscious but in working on these things in therapy I'm learning more and more how really powerful these subconscious beliefs and ideas are. My husband is so helpful too, he's really helping me to feel safe and grounded. Okay, no more psychobabble for today.

Here's to a wonderful week ahead!!

Failed Prediction

Well, when I said I was anticipating a gain this week looks like I was off. I LOST 1.4 pounds this week. Yay! I had not been tracking my eating and that's what made me think I'd gain, but, in retrospect, even though I've not been tracking I have been eating pretty decent. My new thing is rice cakes with a little peanut butter on 'em. Yum.
What I really need to do is start exercising. Blah, blah, blah. Words. Let me stop now.

Not throwing in even a tissue

it's no surprise i haven't been around for a while. i gained 1.8 pounds last week and anticipate another gain this week. last week i went away for my mother's birthday, a weekend in st. helena. we drank and ate and sat around the pool doing nothing for the entire weekend. then this week i did a lot of the same during the weekend which seeped into this week. well, we'll see what i have in store for me tomorrow when i weigh myself. i'm not throwing in the towel. i think it's time to get my ass off the couch and exercise. i think i need to get moving. i was watching a movie tonight and in it this guy was running on a treadmill and i thought that seemed relaxing. anyway...progress not perfection, eh?

Couchitis

Another week and another loss. That sounds bleak actually...but it's not. I lost 1.4 pounds this week for a total of 21.2 so far! I'm excited and pleased. Even though I followed the plan all week I had a sinking feeling I wasn't going to lose weight this week. I think because I lost over 3 pounds last week I was expecting some sort of correction, like in the housing market I guess But no, on plan and lost weight just as it should be.

I'm pretty much convinced I'm an early dinner eater. If I don't eat by 7pm I'm a stomach-growling maniac. Of course, it's 8:20pm while I'm writing this and I haven't eaten dinner. Trying to wait for my husband to get home but he's taking too long. Anyway. Still getting closer to my "must exercise" weight. 12.6 more pounds and if I haven't started by then, I will. My heart's in the right place but my ass is still on the couch. Gonna have to have a heart-to-ass talk I think. Here's wishing all of you a great weekend!!

Moooooo!

Wow. Good week! Lost 3.2 pounds this week. That's a record. I've been waiting for the desire to start exercising to occur naturally but have set a weight at which if it hasn't occurred by then, I will force the issue. Well, I'm inching closer to that weight so I'm beginning to think a lot more about what I'll do. I downloaded the "couch to 5k" podcasts from itunes a few weeks ago and just synced them to my ipod. I have to admit, I'm a little self conscious about actually running in public. Even though it's only for 60 seconds at a time I fear I'll look like a cow trying to run on its hinds legs! I know I shouldn't care but...you know.... It's times like these I wish it got darker earlier and I could run under cover of night

Then there's always our little gym I made a while back. Has a bowflex and a crosstrainer in it. Before, I was doing cardio and weights on alternating days in there. Lately though, I've been really in love with being outside. The weather just makes me want to sit in a park and read a book, eat cold grapes and listen to the children play. Anyway, that's not exercise So, I'm thinking of doing the couch-to-5k thing. I also figure if I need to I can extend it to 18 weeks (it's a 9 week plan) and do each week twice. I'm really out of shape people. I just had the thought to go run in a park or somewhere with a trail instead of on the street where cars driving by will increase my sense of self-consciousness.

Yesterday was jam-packed. Art festival, picnic, concert in the evening. Today, I'll be playing Ghost Recon on the Xbox and maybe watching Grey Gardens, my current Netflix offering. But damn it's nice outside, so maybe I'll get out there instead [or too - lots of hours left in this day].

Gotta close with a WOO-HOO...3.2 pounds gone!!