The First Five Pounds...

are gone! I weighed in today at 194 pounds even. That's five pounds down. That was my weight the first, and last, time I got on the scale this morning. I won't tell you about all the times in between when it was threatening me with 194.5 pounds. I would not accept that neurotic scale messing with my head. It's what I deserve for getting back on the second time. In the end, 194 popped back up again so I'm going with it. I needed a boost. So I've been back to the gym for almost 5 weeks. This "fresh start" started a week or so before that so I've lost roughly a pound a week, give or take (and I'll take, thank you very much). I think I averaged about a pound a week when I was on WW so I'm happy with that. If this keeps up, in a year I'd be down 52 pounds - that would be faaaaabulous!

So I made it to the gym today, always a nice way to finish up the work week. It was a c25k day, Week 2/Day 6, which means I'm done with Week 2. I felt pretty good today. MTv's True Life I am a Suger Baby was on the TV in front of my treadmill, which might have helped. I am a sucker for bad television. Anyway, should I look ahead at what Week 3 has in store? Ah heck, why not?

Five minute warmup walk followed by two cycles of...
jog 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes.

Eek! I'm jumping from 90 seconds jogging to 3 minutes. This should be interesting. Overall I think I can do it. It might not be pretty but this isn't a beauty contest.

Ok, back to today's workout. After c25k I did back and biceps and all went pretty well. I was nagged by a bit of shoulder pain but otherwise things were good. On my way out I talked to Ken Ian, the trainer, about setting up another session to tweak my workout. The possibility that the plank could be contributing to my shoulder pain came up. He's going to show me some new core/ab exercises so I'm thinking I'll incorporate those and only do the plank on alternating days instead of almost every day like I am now. My back and arms have gotten so much stronger though, I can tell when I pick up my (32 pound) son that it's not as much of a strain, which is nice. So I'm seeing Ian week after next for a strength training tune up. I'm looking forward to getting some new, fun, exercises.

I see from the comments to my last post that lunges have no love lost here. They are a pain. I asked Ian to show me some alternatives that work the glutes until I lose some weight and get stronger when (hopefully) the lunges will be easier. I'm still a believer but for now I want to enjoy my workout and I was not enjoying those lunges much at all.

Changing the subject - I think I need to do 2 things to take things up a notch. Eat better and get more sleep. I am blogging about getting more sleep at 11:25pm when I should be sleeping. Something wrong there. So, without further ado - goodnight. Ah, who am I kidding, I'm off to watch the rest of True Life, I'm a Sugar Baby. After all, it is Friday night - gotta live it up!

Ouch!

I got to they gym this past Tuesday and all of a sudden it was *really* difficult. I rode the bike for 25 minutes and, as usual, it was a challenge. But I was feeling ok and started into my strength training routine. Chest and triceps were due up, along with core work. For some reason everything seemed more challenging than usual. I suppose it could be related to not having worked out since Friday morning (3 days off, could that be?) but that seemed like a stretch. Some of the discomfort, shall we call it, was of the sharp pain variety and just didn't seem normal. Anyway, I only did 2 sets of everything and made a plan to get a massage.

On Wednesday Miguel had a half-day off and he agreed to hold down the fort while I got some mommy-care. I had a gift card for a massage (given to me when I was pregnant with Marek) and putting it to use was long overdue. Boy did I need it this week!! My body just felt sore and tired. The neat thing was the massage was at The Sanctuary Spa at Bay Club Marin.


You get the idea...basically your fancy, schmancy gym (that I would probably want to join if I didn't have kids). I arrived early enough for my massage that I was able to hop on the treadmill and do c25k Week 2 Day 5. I was running out of time though and in the last interval I only took a one-minute walk before running again instead of two minutes. And guess what? I felt great. I didn't have time to strength train, which was probably good given how my body was feeling. I went down for my massage and it was GREAT! She really did my body some good. I wish I could do that every week, or just even every month. Heck, I'd settle for 6 times a year! Anyway, after the massage I sipped lemon water and read magazines in peace and quiet for a 1/2 hour. Then I used the ladies lounge - hit the sauna, then the steam room and finally a long hot shower. Ahhhhhh. I left feeling soooo good and didn't want that feeling to end.

I had a $50 visa card to use up so I went to the Lucy store in the same shopping center and found some workout pants and a couple headbands on sale. Total: $49.65 - perfect! I have previously resisted the $$ headbands in favor of my cheap-o target ones but these were on sale and so cool. They even have a little gripper (rubber) band inside to keep them from slipping. I got one in blue and one in pink. Yay!


I don't look quite as "happy" as this woman does (what's she taking because I want some!) when I wear mine but I feel that way inside :) The pants were basic workout pants in a color I don't have (navy blue).


Size was extra large but I was just glad to find something I liked that fit my butt and my budget. This time the model and I do look an awful lot alike. Those could be my calves. Not! At least not right now ;) I found a workout shirt on clearance at REI and finally headed home.

I walked in the door in a happy mood to a happy family. Marek was in a particularly good mood. Miguel was a dream, not only was I gone for 1/2 the day but I had book club that night. What a guy!

Today is Thursday and I hit the gym happily hoping that my massage and general taking it easy yesterday would make everything right in the world. I did a 5 minute warm-up on the treadmill. I was feeling a little tired of the bike (and I had legs and shoulders for strength training) so I chose to do the elliptical. My legs started to complain early on but I stuck out 15 minutes. Then I did my last 10 minutes on the bike and started strength training. Squats went well and then lunges. Argh - f'ing lunges are going to be the death of me. After ONE set I said, "forget it!, this is not supposed to be torture" and didn't do another set. Next time I meet with the trainer I might ask for an alternative until I'm carrying less weight. My new theory is that lunges are so hard because it's as if I'm doing them with two 20 pound weights in my hands. The good news is hardly any sharp pains today, though my left foot has been sore. Crap, I just want to exercise!

As far as food - it's been strictly ok. I'm eating too much crap and today even feeling more hungry and munchie - I wonder if I'm PMSing? Well, all I can do is hang in there, right? I can't complain about this week, I've accomplished a lot and even got in some much needed self care. No, I won't complain, it's been a good week - no matter what that damn scale says tomorrow morning.

Camping @ Lake Mendocino and a Weight Watchers Decision

You might not believe this but I got up at 5:30am on Friday morning to go to the gym. That's how it is when you're motivated, things just come easier. I did a 5 minute warm-up on the treadmill and then 25 minutes on the bike. The bike was MEAN! There were plenty of level 6 bars to go around but I stuck it out and liked it. Well, maybe I didn't like it exactly, but I did it and felt good afterward. It was a shoulder and leg day for weight training. I did 3 sets of squats and moved on to lunges. Remember how I said lunges were finally becoming doable? I lied. They were hard as hell again. I could only sort of do 2 sets. I say sort of because I both couldn't dip all the way down and I had to help myself by pushing off my thigh for the last few. That's ok though, at least I did them. I will look forward to when they really are doable. I worked my shoulders too and mixed in my core work and came home feeling energized and ready for the weekend. Camping!

We packed the car (and by "we" I mainly mean Miguel) and got the kids in and left only 1 hour behind schedule. Not bad. It was a successful drive up to the Kyen campgrounds at Lake Mendocino other than Marek having a meltdown at lunch. We arrived around 1:30 and it was almost 100 degrees! As soon as "we" set up the tent and unloaded the car we headed for the lake. How fun! We got to the lake every day we were there and the kids just went nuts for the water. Fortunately Saturday and Sunday were cooler, closer to the 80's I think. Two other kids (and parents) were able to come too - triple the fun! The kids were buzzing with excitement every moment, even at 2am when Marek couldn't sleep. That was a rough four hours for me but I survived. I SO enjoy seeing the little ones having fun, being outdoors and non-stop with activity. We're planning one more camping trip in August to the coast - with no lake. I'll have to do some research to see if there's some kid-friendly water around that area. And I'm hoping some friends can join us on that trip too, makes it even more fun for all of us!

Food and exercise were not great. There were cookies and mayonnaise, pesto cream sauce and beer, wine and potato salad - I sort of just gave up on avoiding anything "bad". And I didn't feel like exercising at all. We were uphill from the bathroom and the lake so any walk from the campsite meant a walk back up this hill. But it wasn't really a hill, hill so I wouldn't call it exercise. Of course I still noted it in an attempt to make myself feel like I was getting some exercise.

We came home freshly exhausted from our successful camping trip. I tried to get to the gym but Miguel was tired and wouldn't hear of me leaving him with both kids. I told myself it was ok and that my body could use two days off from the gym to recover from all the weight training and c25k/bike, etc. The good news is I feel great today (Monday) and can't wait to get to the gym. Any time I have a break in my routine I worry about my motivation going away but I still feel fired up so that's good.

So I made a decision about Weight Watchers. If I don't lose for three weeks in a row I will re-join Weight Watchers. Maybe three weeks is not enough, maybe I should make it an even four? No loss for one month and WW it is. My thinking is this - if I'm exercising and not losing weight it must be the food. The best thing I know to get the food in check is WW. I want to wait until what I'm doing isn't working though before I add more to my plate (er, less?). I'm very curious about the new plan and how fruits/veggies are zero points. I could use the help getting more veggies into the diet.

Oh, pictures from this weekend! I only have a handful, I was too busy chasing little ones and pulling tree bits out of my Myra's mouth to take very many.




Well, there you have it, my weekend all wrapped up. Feel free to send some "Oh my!" and "Atta girl!" and "Way to go!!" my way in response to getting up at 5:30am to hit the gym on Friday. I am duly impressed with myself but it's always so nice when you are too :)

The Yellow House on the Right

It's so easy to get lost in the (somewhat American) desire for more. I feel so much better when I enjoy what I already have. How many people on this planet would look at my life and think I have it all? I have a practice of conscious gratitude that, I believe, has really allowed me to appreciate all that I have. Because I do have it all. I use it often and I'll do my best to describe it.

Whenever I'm feeling down about what I don't have, or envious, or yearning for something more, I turn my thoughts, consciously, actively, to what I do have. And, like most middle class Americans, what I have is an abundance. I start with something very small and allow my mind to wander...

I wake up in the morning in a warm, safe bed. I have been sleeping without fear, without hunger, for a number of hours. I eventually sit up and put my feet out onto the floor. The floor is carpet. I like carpet in my bedroom. The carpet is a color and fiber that I chose. I remember looking at different carpets in the store, running my hand across them, finding the one that I liked the best. I see the sun shining in through my window. My window that is not only one pane of glass but two. Two because that is quieter and keeps the temperature in my home more stable. I stretch, I slowly head into the bathroom. The bathroom is such an amazing place. I have knobs to turn and when I do fresh, clean water comes out. I tweak the knobs until the water is just the temperature I want. I have a toothbrush that's been charging itself all night and I brush my teeth. The toothbrush moves on its own.

You get the idea. I don't always think about my bedroom and bathroom. Sometimes I think about my clothes - do you get dressed based on how you feel that day? Can you imagine? Or my shoes, so many choices. Or food. The abundance of food in this country is insane. The fact that most of us are overweight, that we have to burn calories doing no real work in an effort to offset all that food - it's unreal. But the heavy stuff, my feeling of safety, my loving husband, my beautiful healthy children...it has to be something big for me to pull those out. When Myra was a few months old we had a little health scare and I was definitely forcing my mind to focus on all that is right in my world.

Some months back I was driving in a nice area of San Rafael and noticed a particularly beautiful house. It was a perfect shade of yellow with white trim and beautiful landscaping - green grass, gorgeous flowers - the colors just popped in contrast to the yellow and white. I thought, "If I could only have that house...".

I stopped myself almost immediately. Time spent yearning is time lost in the moment. I want to shine with gratitude and appreciation for everything, everyone - all things good that are in my life. And it's all good. Right now, today, it really is all good.

So I just wanted to share my gratitude practice. It's the coping tool I whip out anytime I'm feeling like my life, my stuff, isn't enough. How much time do we take to really appreciate all that we have? How much do I have to be grateful for? I don't know exactly how but I believe this has a positive impact on my weight related issues. Maybe something about feeling content, feeling satisfied.

Ok, off the brain stuff and onto the body stuff. Last I posted was Monday, the 4th of July. I didn't get to the gym that day (it was closed!) but I got there on Tuesday. I did c25k Week 2/Day 2. Maybe it was just the day off prior but it felt easier than the first time. I'm still doing the 3.0/5.0 mph for the walk/runs. Last week one day I tried to up it to 3.5 walking. Bad idea. I need those 3.0 walks to recover. After c25k I did legs and shoulder. The lunges are finally starting to become doable. Notice I didn't say they are becoming easier. Nothing easy about them but I'm hanging in there because when it comes to lunges, I Believe. I also did one set of calf raises, mostly because it bothers me that my calves are so weak. For the first time my calves didn't threaten to cramp up before I even finished the one set of 8.

On Wednesday I went to the gym and did a 10 minute warm-up on the treadmill followed by 25 minutes on the upright bike. I did Level 2 on Random again and frick! - that bike was downright mean! It tortured me with series' like, 4, 4, 6, 6. By the end of the last 1.5 minute of level 6 I was practically praying! I can get very determined when it comes to these things though and I stuck in there, keeping my rpm's over 90 and not. giving. up. I usually burn between 385-485 calories during my gym time. I burned 529 calories. I know the mean bike gets credit for that! Then I did my weight training and core work. I held my first plank for 40 seconds and, due to poor math, my second for 45 seconds. Of course now I think I have to hold my second for 45 seconds every time because I know I can do it.

And finally, today. I did Week 2/day 3 of c25k. Can you believe I've already finished Week 2? Weird. I am definitely repeating Week 2. It was good though, I felt quite capable during the 90 second runs. Afterward I did chest and triceps with core work mixed in. And yes, I held the second plank for 45 seconds.

Well, there you have it. I've hit the gym every day this week except Monday. Tomorrow we're headed out to go camping and I'm considering going to the gym very early since I'll be missing out on Saturday and Sunday. I set my alarm but we'll see. I guess if I have any chance I need to hit the sack so I get 7 hours of sleep. I hope you all have wonderful things planned this weekend and that you take a moment to soak in the good things in your life. Next up, camping pictures!

Update: Up .5 pounds to 195. See? This is why I shouldn't complain when I have a loss. Must be more muscle mass :)

Wow, I'm Fat. But I'm having fun anyway!

Last time I wrote I was in a major funk. Still not sure exactly what that was about but the good news is I'm over it. On Saturday I took the kids to playgroup and had a nice time at the park. Afterward I put them down for a nap and went to the gym. I started Week 2 of c25k and it was definitely harder. Six intervals of 90 seconds jogging and 2 minutes walking. By the last interval I was happy to be wrapping up. Due up for weight training were back and biceps and I generally enjoyed that. Back extensions have gotten noticeably better since I started. I added one set of calf raises because my calfs are weak and my legs were too fried to do them on Thursday. I left the gym feeling spiffy!

On Sunday Miguel went to play soccer and I had a good time with the kids at home. When Miguel got home we loaded up the kids and headed for Limantour Beach. We got a bit lost but made it there eventually. We had a ton of stuff, trekked it all to the beach and found our spot. It was so fun! Marek was having a blast playing in the water and Myra even got to play a bit for her first taste of the ocean. Here are some pictures of Miguel, the kids, and I, having fun in the sun!

My angel Myra showing mom some love :)




Miguel and Marek playing in the ocean. At one point Marek fell face first in the water and he jumped up and yelled, "Run, daddy, run!" So cute!!


And finally, my two angels and I.


As much as I love my little pumpkins looking at these pictures was not my idea of fun. I wrote once about not putting up Fat Pictures of yourself for motivation. My point at the time was to focus on where you are going, not what you are afraid of. But these pictures made a strong argument for some fear based motivation! I think I might have done too good a job of internalizing the fit, thin Michelle because these photos were an eye opener. I am fat! At 194.5 pounds that probably should be no surprise to me but I guess I've just been feeling the fitness mojo so intensely lately that I got to thinking I was in good shape. Ha! Ok, maybe I'm in decent shape but there's no arguing with me being fat.

On one level it bothers me because, well, I don't like looking so tubby. But on another level I'm ok with it, mostly because I'm doing something about it and I know it will change in time. I just wish in time meant, like, tomorrow. Or I'd settle for next month even. But losing 40+ pounds isn't going to happen overnight so I'd better just move on. I am tempted to put one of these pictures (or one of the worse ones I'm not even sharing!) up on the fridge to motivate myself but I still generally agree with what I said back then (which, incidentally, was exactly two years ago today - weird). I believe positive motivation is the way to go, focus on what I want, where I am going. I guess looks aren't a big part of that really but a good by-product in any case.

The good thing is I'm not letting being overweight right now stop me from getting out there and living life. When summer was approaching, and before I got back on the wagon, I briefly thought about avoiding water (and, hence, swimsuits) altogether. But I quickly realized that wasn't fair to the kids. Why should they miss out because mom ate too many cupcakes? But I am looking forward to next summer when I know I'll feel much better about the summer clothes.

Onwards! When we got home from the beach I showered and changed into my gym clothes. Miguel 'bout fell out of his chair in disbelief. It was a mix of not believing I was going to the gym after a day at the beach and his not wanting to fix the kids dinner by himself. But no, I had to go. He was about as supportive as he could be given the circumstances. So at the gym I did a 5 minute warm-up on the treadmill and then the upright bike for 25 minutes, still on level 2. I think I'll go up to level 3 when my heart rate stays under 150 the whole time. We'll see. I had a great chat with Glenn, the guy that works at the gym, about some of the mental stuff related to food, compulsive behavior, etc. And he was telling me about some of his recent rides. I love that sort of talk, so inspiring. Then I did chest and triceps with core work. I upped my plank to 40 seconds! It was hard. It's going to be a while before I add more time. I finished up and arrived home feeling fantastic! More than ever in my life I am feeling the mental boost that comes from exercise.

So today is 4th of July and we did our annual walk in the parade with my mother's club. Why not another picture? Myra is sort of hidden in the baby carrier (and looking the other way) but she's there.


I'll only half-refrain from more fat comments. It was a nice day and thankfully I didn't feel like the heat was killing me. I sound like a broken record but again, I was happy I started working out because I think if I'd done this a month ago the heat and all the walking would not have been fun. But today I really enjoyed myself. If you've got little ones I highly recommend checking out your local mother's club (if you're lucky enough to have one). I have met some incredible women and the club keeps us busy and having fun. Besides, I'd probably be nuts right now if I didn't have these moms to tell me they are crazy too. Not sure that made a lot of sense but let's just go with it.

After the gym we got together with some friends. Our neighbor rented a giant blow up water slide and they had a bunch of kiddie pools - we all had so much fun. The few glasses of wine helped. My life is so different now, so full and enjoyable. I sometimes look at my children and think about how different their lives are than mine was at this age. Raising my children in a loving household is incredibly healing. I know it's not my childhood but watching theirs goes a long way in helping me forget my own. But that kind of talk is for another blog.

So no gym today, which is a bummer. I thought about taking an evening walk and then using free weights to do my weight training. Today would be legs and shoulders so really that would have been easy since I don't use any machines for those. But, ultimately I decided my body could probably use the rest after such an active weekend (and wine!) and not to push it.

Well, there you have it. Thank you to all my peeps who congratulated me on the pound loss. It really is a good showing. I was thinking about when I used to go to WW and how a loss of a full pound (or more) was so rewarding (as opposed to .4, etc). I am happy. Don't know what was going on in my head on Friday but I'm over it. I'll take a pound any day of the week and be happy with it! Happy Independence Day everyone, hope you enjoyed it!!