Take Me Out to the Ballgame...

Not Much.

I figured I should at least let folks know I'm not dead. Nope, just buried under a pile of things to do. For those that followed this blog for weight loss/exercise reasons I'm sorry. I have baby on the brain, baby in the life. Hopefully in a few months this blog will return to it's regularly scheduled broadcast. In the meantime, here are a few pictures in lieu.

My little man has teeth! This was taken on 8/15. His first tooth actually popped out around early August.


And a baby with teeth's gotta eat, right? He had his first taste of food when about 5.5 months old. What did we go with? Avocado. Yum. Since then he's had applesauce, sweet potatoes, and bananas. All homemade.


Another trip to the beach. I love it!




Somebody got a pair of sunglasses and looked too damn cute in them! Amazingly he left them on.




Another hike. This is one of those days I didn't feel much like leaving the house and then was so glad I did. Killer hike though, at least one mile was no joke of pretty steep stuff. Needless to say I was not pushing the stroller during that mile.




Bananas!!


Just relaxing and looking ultra cool in his new stroller (that we ended up returning). Stroller choosing is serious business. We ended up going with a Maclaren.

Tri for Fun Race Report - 2009

I did it again! The Pleasanton Tri for Fun was once again great fun. And this time I did it with a friend, which just added to the fun. We finished in 1 hour 59 minutes (good thing we ran that last 1/4 mile!), a time I can be happy with. I did this race last summer when in better shape and finished in 1 hour 35 minutes.  When 3 months pregnant I did it again and finished in 1 hour 53 minutes. Now, 5 months post baby and I still finished in under 2 hours. But the most important thing is, I did it!

Okay, here are the details...We all loaded up the car and left the house about 5:15am. Michelle, myself, Miguel and Marek headed toward Pleasanton. Michelle is also a new mom, she had her baby 10 days after I had mine. This was to be her first triathlon. I was so excited to be a part of that experience for her! There's just nothing like your first time.

We arrived at Shadow Cliffs Regional Park at around 6:20am and this time we'd learned to avoid the big line of cars coming into the park by approaching from the opposite end. We parked and headed toward transition with all our gear. The bike racks were pretty crowded but we managed to find two spots near one another and squeezed our bikes in. We went to registration and signed our waiver, got our bibs, and then stood in line for body marking. It was a long line but it moved fast. After body marking we went to get our T-shirts. I'm glad we got them early because after the event I saw they ran out and were taking names to mail them out. Here we are with our t-shirts pre-race.

I really like the t-shirt design this year. After getting our shirts we headed back to our bikes to set up our transition spot. I wore the same outfit as last time, a sports bra with a tankini over it and tri shorts. Michelle wore a sports bra with a speedo bathing suit over it with a plan to take the bathing suit off and put on shorts and a shirt in transition. She very cleverly brought a skirt to pop on so she could change all stealth-like. I then set up my gear - bike shoes with socks tucked in, helmet with gloves and sunglasses tucked in, spray on sunscreen, a towel to dry my feet, water bottle on bike, bike set to granny gear (due to a hill heading out of the park), shirt with bib already pinned on...I think that's it. Then down to the beach to catch the rest of the pre-race newbie talk.

We listened to the talk, they informed us of the waves, 1: serious folks, 2: men 18-39, 3: women 18-39...I didn't pay attention after that but I think it was then older men, followed by older women, then an open wave (i.e. for couples that want to race together), and an under 18 wave. Something like that. Anyway, we were third so we would be subtracting 15 minutes from our race time to allow for the earlier waves cutting into our time (they only have 1 race clock, no timing chips).

Michelle and I are both breastfeeding and we had time to make some milk for the babies so we both did that. I have to tell you I felt mighty empowered feeding my baby knowing I was about to take off on a triathlon. I am a woman, I am a mother, and I am an athlete and this morning they all came together.

Some pre-race pictures...







The waves can get full, they set a limit on the number of people per wave (150 people?). Right after the wave before us took off we got in the bunch to head into the swim take-off area so we were sure to get in - and we made it. Here we go!!

Michelle came out of the water a few minutes before I did and we met up in transition. Just like last time I started to leave transition when I realized I'd forgotten to take off my tankini. Back to my transition spot, shirt off, tankini off, shirt on. Now we're off for the bike leg...



I was a bit stronger on the bike, and I was riding a road bike, Michelle was riding my old mountain bike from 1994 (no shocks and I'd put slicks on them to ride around town) so I had a faster bike too. But Michelle was stronger on the run so we balanced each other out. Having someone to ride and run with made the whole thing go by faster and more fun. I tried to snap a picture of Michelle mid-ride and here was the outcome.



Because we're breastfeeding we're both drinking a ton of water all the time and sure enough we decided we had to stop mid-ride and use some facilities. There's a Starbucks along the way so we did a little detour...here we are ready to take off again.



Here we come back from the bike, heading into transition and are both feeling great!



...and headed out to the run.



We did a walk/jog combo on the run and Michelle was a great motivator. Many times we picked people that we decided to catch and pass so we kept our motivation up that way. We even jogged up the last hill before the finish! And there's the finish line!! Here we are, closing out the show. Remember, subtract 15 minutes from that time due to our being in the 3rd wave.



Yay!! We did it. Such excitement. We walked around sampling granola, power drinks and fruit. After a little stretching and socializing (someone recognized me from my blog! - Hi Allie!) we packed up our gear and headed out to a much deserved breakfast - we were starving! Dean's Cafe in downtown Pleasanton is the perfect spot.



We both had a huge veggie omelet and all the fixin's, it was gooood. Both of us felt our bodies were a little tight and a little sore but all-in-all not too bad. After breakfast we headed home. I took a nice hot bath and then a nice long nap. Man, a nap hasn't felt so good in a long time.

Well, that's it. A good time, no, a great time, nice weather, wonderful company, a great husband who managed to take care of Marek and still get tons of great pictures...who can ask for more?

All Talk, No Action

Oh how I wish I could write a lovely blog about just how lovely everything is. Not tonight unfortunately. But I have been successful at something, I have successfully avoided the gym for this entire week. Too bad that's not my goal. I have my regular list of excuses - work related stress, new baby, etc, etc.

I'll take a moment to tell you a bit. The main thing is that I have been given layoff notice at work. Yep, laid off again. Our program has lost funding and is closing. I have secured a new job, a part-time job no less, so that's good. My last day of work at the old job is at the end of August, then a week off to adjust, then the new job starts. I'm actually feeling alright about this. At least I won't be under any pressure to return to full time work. Besides the pressure from the bank that holds my mortgage, that is.

The new baby excuse remains alive and well. What can I say, it's a good one. Not quite as good as pregnancy as far as excuses go, but I'll take it. Marek is doing well. The most shocking thing is he has teeth! Can you believe it? My newborn, wee little one has teeth! Oh man, it's all happening so fast. Pictures will have to come later, I've not snapped one of his little chompers yet.

So my tri is just around the corner, as in two days from now. I'll just be hoping to finish is all. I have no doubt that I will, barring any unusual physical calamities. I better finish, people keep asking me if I'm training and I keep saying, "ah, it's only a sprint," as I wave my hand dismissively toward the floor. Ha! Like I run around doing olys and 70.3s all the time and a little ol' sprint ain't nothin'. Riiight. I'll be letting you know how that turns out, rest assured.

I haven't been going to meetings either. I really need to find one I like. With my new work schedule there's no reason I can't commit to a mid-week meeting. Now just to find one and actually go. Right now my health routine can be summed up with the title of this post. Healthy eating and fitness is all so much easier when motivation is in high gear.

Well, I hope I have not been too depressing on the eve of a lovely weekend. Please do stop by in the future as I promise to some day be back to my more positive self :)

And finally, something to, hopefully, make you smile.

Should I Do Crunches Everyday?

I was chatting with a fellow gym junkie (yes, I am calling myself a gym junkie despite the current state of affairs which I will tell you about in a sec') and we get to talking about abs. I share with him my current routine...

2 sets of 25 crunches
2 sets of 25 bicycle crunches
1 set of 10 hanging leg raises
2 planks - 1 @ 1 minute, 1 @ 30 seconds.

He then asks how often I do this and I proudly share that I do it every time I go to the gym. So he tells me I should not be doing ab work on consecutive days, "abs are muscles just like all other muscles and they need time to heal before working them again." I know I've heard this somewhere before but something just makes me feel like I should do them every time I go to the gym. I don't always go on consecutive days so it's not always an issue, but when I do, should I not do abs? This is important because I want to get the most out of my workout, but it's even more important because I don't exactly love working my abs. An excuse to pass on them now-and-again would be nice. Might even motivate me to hit the gym two days in a row! It would also occasionally save me time. Of course, it would also cut down on the overall ab work I do, but maybe that's okay? I tried this out last week, skipping abs if I had done them the day before. What do you think?

So this question would be even more interesting if I were actually going to the gym. Yep, it's been over a week since I've been. The last time I went was last Friday (not this past Friday but the one before that!), some, er, 9 days ago?! There are some small good moments tucked into this week, all thanks to my new mommy friends. On Thursday evening I went for a nice long walk (thanks Lauren!) and today I went on a nifty little 10 mile bike ride (thanks Michelle!). But, alas, no gym. I've slipped into a bit of a funk and I'll let you know more about why once I figure my way out of it. I just don't feel like going into the downer details just yet.

In any event the bike ride today was good for my spirit. You might remember the last time I got on my bike wasn't so inspiring. This time was great, I felt stronger, even though I was slow as molasses, and had a fun time. It helped that I had some good company. Not riding alone makes a difference. So we meant to ride 11 miles so (the other) Michelle could get a feel for the tri ride (she's doing the tri with me and it's her first one and I'm so excited for her!). But my bike computer wasn't tracking distance for some reason and despite my stopping to fiddle with it I couldn't get it to work. We had to guess on distance and ended up doing only 10 miles. It was great, the weather was lovely, it wasn't too windy and my legs held up just fine. It actually made me remember why I was getting so much into road cycling before pregnancy derailed me (ha! a pun) for a bit.

Speaking of road cycling, I still really like my bike. I felt so comfortable on it today, once I was warmed up I actually felt like I could go on a longer ride. That's a good feeling! And I think I have finally decided on my name for my bike. Tillie. 10 points if you can guess why I chose that name. So Tillie and I are looking forward to the Tri for Fun in two weeks. I need to figure out what I'm going to wear. The clothes I wore the last times I did it might be a wee bit tight on my bigger post-baby body. I'll have to figure something out.

Well, Marek is waking up. Mommy duty calls. I'll close with a picture or two...

At the free SF Symphony in Dolores Park. Man, it was a HOT day! Don't worry, I kept Marek in the shade once we snapped a couple pictures. I went to this event last year too.


Later that day the three of us having dinner at Pacific Catch. Such a funny face on Marek!

Two Steps Forward ...

.2 steps back. Yep, I gained .2 pounds this week. I think it was the Chinese food on Thursday night that did me in. Good thing I took off my socks for the weigh in or it might have been more :) I did make a better choice with the Chinese food. Normally we order a ton and then have leftovers for the next day (or more) but this time we were conservative and only had enough leftovers for one lunch the next day. Miguel took it and I had a healthy lunch.

The other thing is that the gym was sort of sporadic, I went on Sunday and Monday and then not again until yesterday (Friday (post-meeting)). I'm going later today so will meet my goal of four times a week. I also got in a nice (though leisurely) mile walk one day during lunch. Oh, work, that's right!

So I went back to work last week (Mon-Wed for now). Everything went about as well as I think it could. Marek had a fine time in daycare, always greeting me with a huge smile when I pick him up. I called throughout the day to check on him and everything was always good. I only shed a few tears the first and second day. I missed my baby but it was also good to get back to it.

Work is really good for my eating. It keeps me set to breakfast - snack - lunch - snack - dinner - desert. Oh! Except for the new thing that has been implemented while I was gone which my colleagues were so excited to tell me about. Cupcake Wednesday. Cupcake Wednesday?! Oh no! That can't be good. Turns out a woman in the neighborhood has a cupcake business and caters to events, weddings, etc. Once a week she opens up her shop and sells to the public for $1 a cupcake (that's a picture from her website). Uh-oh. The good news is they were on the smaller side and I only ate 1.75 cupcakes. The other good news is they didn't knock my socks off. Whew! I think a future weekly crisis might have been averted.

I even managed to get to the gym on Tuesday evening. Going to the gym on a weekday is a tricky maneuver but we've agreed that each of us (Miguel & I) can go once after work during the Mon-Thur week while the other tends to the home. So I'm envisioning some sort of Sun, Tue, Thur (during the day), Fri (or Sat) routine. This past Thursday I had a headache (probably from the blasted Chinese food now that I think about it) and couldn't go. Sometimes I go with a headache and either work through it or it goes away but this time I just wasn't in the mood.

So despite my .2 pound gain I'm still feeling very optimistic about my overall health and fitness. Yesterday I was able to jog 10 minutes straight at 5.0mph. I had to use a little mantra mojo (I think it went something like "Use the mind and the body will follow" with each syllable to a step) to get me through the last minute-and-a-half but I did it. And it was legs & shoulders day to boot so my legs got a real workout. I also did the plank for the third time (2 sets - 1st @ 1 minute, 2nd @ 30 seconds), which felt good. It wasn't a fluke. After weigh-in I gently reminded myself that if I keep doing what I know works the weight issue will solve itself. It's not about the number on the scale, it's not about losing at a certain pace, I don't exercise to lose weight - I exercise to feel good, to make fitness gains, to fuel my weekend activities, to insure I live a long, healthy life.

I don't exercise to lose weight. Really? Did I just say that? I did, and the most profound part is not that I wrote it, but that I believe it. Wow, what a shift. I don't exercise to lose weight. Wow. Can you tell I'm a little flabbergasted by that? I think this means I'm really in a good place psychologically with all this. Let's hope I figure out how to stay here.

Baby pic time!!

First day of daycare. My hair is still wet, Marek is still in his jammies and I haven't started to cry (yet). I love my baby :) The look on his face says to me, "I see we're smiling but are we sure about this mommy?" Awww, my little love.

My current fave. This was taken at Yogun Fruz. Did I not mention that I went for frozen yogurt after the WW meeting on Friday? oops :) Isn't he getting big??

It's All Good

If you're looking for some good news, you came to the right place. When it comes to my workouts, things are continuing to go well. I've had a few accomplishments this week that I want to share. And, because I apparently like to number things in lists...here you are:

#1: I took a real, live outdoor run on Wednesday evening. I did a 5 minute warm-up walk and then jogged, get this, a 2 mile loop! I'm pretty sure I was jogging slower than the 5.0 mph I do on the 'mill, which is why I was able to go so much longer, but I surprised myself in my ability to do it. And this little stint included some mild inclines even. It felt really good to be outdoors and jogging. Puts that boring old treadmill to shame.

#2: I went to the gym four times last week, hitting my goal. On top of that, I got in the above mentioned jog on a gym-free day. And, I've already started this week off on the right foot by going to the gym this morning. I think it's becoming a habit again, not so much internal wrangling to get myself there. Let's hope it sticks in the coming weeks.

#3: You're not going to believe this one. So I've been building up my ab strength, which has been tricky given I had a c-section. Things have been feeling pretty good lately so I decided to give the plank another go. I held the plank for 1 whole minute!! And then after a short break, I held it again for 30 seconds. And this was all after doing crunches earlier during weight training. Can you believe that? I was shocked. So, the plank is officially back in rotation.

#4: I lost 2.4 pounds at weigh-in on Friday!! Yup, ice cream and all. I hope it's a sign that my muscle is sufficiently built up as to be beginning to help with calorie burning. And then there's the breastfeeding, and the 1500+ calories I burned doing cardio throughout the week, not to mention weight training. I was quite pleased, as you can imagine.

#5: I registered for the triathlon on August 15th! So, it's real, I'm doing it. And I'm not doing it alone, which will make it so much more fun. I'm already anticipating the post-tri breakfast and how much fun we'll have chatting about our go of it.

How's that for accomplishments? I'm not afraid to say I'm feeling pretty darned pleased with myself these days. Also, eating has been pretty good. Still not tracking so I can't say this quantitatively but I know I haven't been eating any of my go-to bad foods. (I put bad in italics because I firmly believe no foods are intrinsically bad but some are bad for me in that they tend to trigger over-eating.)

The big day has come though. I go back to work tomorrow. I know this will hold a mix of good and bad things (related to my fitness journey) for me and I'm trying my darndest to focus on the good. The bad? I'm worried about getting in gym time. (And, of course, I know I'll miss my son more than I can imagine.) The good? The time I spend alone with the refrigerator and pantry is going to go way down. And I'll be busier during the day so in addition to less access to food I'll have less time for snacking. Traditionally I do really well during the work day so I'll have three of those to help keep my food intake in check. I'm starting back Mon-Wed for now. Wish me luck.

I'll close with a couple of pics featuring our little man. I have a feeling my picture taking might be curtailed by my returning to work. I'll just have to take that many more on the weekends!

Marek and I at the park on a playdate. He woke from his nap in a good mood and smiley so I got a few pics before de-swaddling him.


And a closer up one, because, well, this little guy just melts my heart!


Marek trying to bust out of daddy's arms while daddy is distracted.

As you can see, it was a good week. All in all I'm not too disappointed in my post-birth, maternity leave recovery. I could have used the time better to lose more weight but who knows if I would have been happy. I tried not to stress about it and things have evolved as they have, which is just fine. I have had the best time with my little boy and I know that even though I'm going back to work, the future still holds endless fun for us all. As long as I keep on my fitness journey and stay active and have fun it's all good.

That's Why They Call it a Garbage Disposal

Things are definitely on an upswing around here. I've made it to the gym every day this week! Yay for me!! And my jogging is coming around. Until now I've been doing a walk (3.5mph) jog (5.0mph) thing alternating every 2 minutes. It looked like this...

Minutes/Activity
1-3: walk
3-5: jog
5-7: walk
7-9: jog
9-11: walk
11-13: jog
13-15: walk

Total jogging: 6 minutes

So on Monday I was near completion of my first two-minute jog and still feeling strong. I decided to go for it and jog 3 minutes. At 3 minutes I still felt strong...and at 4 minutes...so, I made it to 5 minutes! woot-woot!! It looked like this:

1-3: walk
3-8: jog
8-10: walk
10-13: jog
13-15: walk

Total jogging: 8 minutes

Also, I was short on time that day and had to power through weight training. So instead of taking a break between sets I did my ab work. I was sweating like crazy but let me tell you, I felt like a million bucks when I left that place. Yes!

But, it gets better...on Tuesday I did this:

1-3: walk
3-10: jog (7 minutes straight baby!)

I stopped after that due to extra time I'd done on the elliptical due to treadmills being full. But I was feeling so proud of myself for being able to jog 7 minutes straight!

And in other news...I've been doing modified push-ups on the Smith Bar like in this image. I was doing 3 sets of 10 on the second to lowest rung and they were starting to feel easy. So yesterday, Tuesday, I lowered the bar. Now I'm doing them on the lowest rung! It wasn't easy, I did 3 sets of 8 and had to really push those last couple out but I felt so strong! Ab work is getting better too. I have increased my bicycle crunches from one set of 25 to two sets. I usually do 10 hanging leg raises but I've added 10 straight leg lifts to further work my lower abs. Let that be a lesson to ya! What lesson, I don't know, it just sounded good :o My new ab routine (that I do at every gym visit) looks like this:

crunches: 2 sets of 25
bicycle crunches: 2 sets of 25
hanging leg raises: 1 set of 10
straight leg lifts: 1 set of 10

I have three of my four gym days in the bag. I'm thinking of skipping the gym today but going for a real outdoor jog this evening when Miguel comes home. That should be interesting. I am so Boom Boom Pow this week!

Alright, so the gym is obviously going well. And what about food, you ask? Eh. Seriously, not-so-good. Last week, in a moment of weakness, I purchased some bad foods at the grocery store. How bad? Well, let me warn you, I'm going to be 100% honest so if you're susceptible to food-talk you might want to skip this (and the next) paragraph. So I purchased a 3-pack of It's It ice cream sandwiches (why don't they sell them individually anywhere anymore?!), a half-gallon of low-fat (insert sarcastic joke here) ice cream, 2 chocolate chip cookies, some caramel sauce, whipped cream (also low-fat...come on people!) and chopped nuts. Whew, putting that down in writing makes it look really bad. Over the week I ate the ice cream sandwiches, I made sundaes out of the other stuff for three nights in a row (which I at least shared with Miguel - can you see me mitigating things here?). It hasn't been pretty.

See? This just proves that a) I can't keep crap like this in the house and, b) An impulse buy turns one moment of weakness into many, many moments of weakness - if I don't buy it I only have to resist it once, if I do buy it, well, resistance is futile. I'm sure it proves a lot of other things too but I'm not into self flagellation. So this morning, while prepping all my salad fixings (that's my new thing, I cut up all the tomatoes, carrots, cucumber, bell pepper and keep them in little baggies in the fridge for easy salad prep all week) the remaining half of the ice cream popped into my head. I'd previously (as in, last night) told myself that when it's gone I won't buy anymore. But the wrongness of it all hit me and I got out the ice cream, whipped cream, caramel sauce and nuts (the cookies were already gone) and, you guessed it, down the garbage disposal. I hate wasting food (as in = wasting money) so this was not easy. And it turned out it wasn't just about getting rid of the garbage, but also about the act. Hopefully this will cure me from purchasing such crap for a good long while. At least I go back to work (3 days a week next week, sniff sniff) so the refrigerator and I will get a much needed break from one another.

I have to tell you, I have not felt this embarrassed about sharing my food-junkie behavior in quite some time. Let's hope I hit bottom with this incident and that while I don't expect to start tracking and eating perfectly from here on out, a corner has been turned and ridiculous choices are out.

Something tells me you won't argue when I tell you I don't expect to see a loss at my WW meeting on Friday. Ok, I think I have exposed myself enough for one day. I will now try to carry on and still feel good about myself. After I post this I'm going to go back and read the first half and stop there. Boom boom pow!

Who wants a picture of my baby?? I do, I do :)

He loves his fingers!


I saw Mama eating that ice cream,
but I'll never tell...


As long as she keeps letting me eat
the dirt off my toes! Yum!

I promptly went in and washed those dirty toes. Well, after snapping a ton of pictures of course :)

Down with Fat Pictures

So I learned once that with behavior change it is more effective to visualize the positive changes you want to make, as opposed to the negative things you fear. This means that instead of looking at fat pictures of myself and telling myself I have to avoid this, I need to envision myself doing those things I enjoy. It's true I feel more motivated by the opportunities being in shape bring rather than fear of being fat.

So if I take a look at my "reasons to be in shape" I should throw out the negative/scary ones and keep the positive ones.

I want to be in shape...

So I'm not stuck, bored, in my house on holidays and weekends.
So I can go on all sorts of adventures, from hiking and biking to spelunking and snorkeling.

So my child doesn't grow up playing video games and watching TV.
So I can create a fun, adventurous childhood for my son.

So I don't have to shop in the fat clothes section of the store.
So I can wear the clothes I want to wear - shorts in the summer, a fitted button down shirt to work, skirts, shorts, whatever.

So I can stop worrying about how I look, what people are going to think of me, etc, etc.
So I can apply my energy toward things I enjoy, like how to organize a 3 day weekend camping trip on short notice.

So I won't cringe when I look at pictures of myself.
So I can look at pictures of myself and see the big smile on my face in addition to all the other things in the picture.

This is really resonating with me for a bunch of reasons. First, who feels good thinking about negative things? Thinking about something that scares me, or makes me feel like crap, brings me down. It does not inspire me. Thinking about feeling good, looking good, having fun - that inspires me.

Also, the mind doesn't always retain the finer points of a thought. If I spend a lot of time looking at fat pictures and telling myself I have to avoid that, my mind just holds on to that image, and doesn't necessarily remember the part about avoiding that. It just further cements the "fat" self image.

An image which is still alive and well in my brain by the way. I see pictures of myself even now and am startled that I do not look bigger. I feel fatter than I am. And feeling fat makes me want to do nothing. What's the difference between feeling fat and being fat? In my brain, not much. If I feel fat, that means the gym will be hard, arduous work. If I feel fat that means I won't feel good in my clothes.

Alright, alright, I'm going on a bit of a tangent here, but my point remains. I need to focus on the positive self I am creating. I need to envision my fit self, my best self. And I need to believe it again, that it is possible. You know, writing this has really helped. I wasn't feeling all that motivated to go to the gym but now I want to get up and change and go. Miguel's out playing soccer so I'm going to get in my gym clothes and wear them until he gets back. The ol' gym clothes trick works for me most of the time.

Regarding this past weekend...

Walking in the 4th of July Parade. Marek is sleeping through the festivities while Liam (Katrina's son) is rocking the red, white and blue!

And below, ladies and gentleman, is what a 45 minute Funnel Cake line looks like. And yes, I did wait in that line.

And here is Miguel and Marek at the fair with a big "live" tree. There was a man in there. I shoulda taken video.

By the way, do you notice anything in that picture above? I didn't until I went to crop it. I think the universe is trying to tell me something...


November 1st? Let's see, that's a little less than 4 months away. This is the same triathlon I relayed while pregnant. How cool would it be to do it myself this time? Well, I have already committed to doing the third Tri-for-Fun on August 15th. Notice how I slipped this little bit of info in? I think I'm in a bit of denial since I haven't actually signed up for it. But I made plans to do it with some friends. That's the same tri I did last year. Twice. The second time I did it with these same friends. What a cool annual tradition for the four of us! Anyway, I'm on for the sprint on 8/15...we'll see about the oly on 11/1.

So, I'll close with a picture of my two favorite guys at the fair.

Marek is asleep, again. In this case it was probably for the best, those loud mooooos might have given him a scare.

Time to wrap this thing up. Thank you for stopping by!

Up, up and...Away?

Last week, up 2.8 pounds. This week, up 2.8 pounds. I did make it to a meeting though. Let's hope next week some of this weight goes AWAY.... Ugh. So I was expecting a gain but maybe not ready for another nearly 3 pounds. When I first get back to exercising I usually gain in the beginning. I'm going to try to move on from this information so it doesn't mentally drag me down.

So, on to good news. I made it to the gym four times this week, meeting my plan to go four times a week. And the neat thing was that today I didn't have Marek with me so after my cardio and weights I went for a little swim (20 laps in a 25 meter pool) and then I hit the jacuzzi for a bit. It was nice. So that's Mon, Tue, Thur & Fri to the gym.

Tomorrow I'm walking in the little 4th of July parade with the mother's club so I'll be moving around a bit too. And then we're going to the county fair in the afternoon. Oooh, I just tried funnel cakes last July 4th for the first time, they are sooo good. Don't know if I'll be able to resist having one. Flashback photo:

Last 4th of July in Ventura, the same weekend we learned I was pregnant!

Speaking of eating...my eating is just alright. It could be worse but it could also be a lot better. I'm not tracking at all. Occasionally I try to make better choices but mostly I'm just trying to make small changes for now. That means a good size serving of veggies with dinner and avoiding fast food, donuts, candy, and all the other crap I eat when I'm off the wagon.

On another good note, the gym is less painful. Things that are getting easier include modified pushups, ab work, dumbell fly...jogging is still kicking my a$$ though.

I'll close with a couple happy pictures of my little guy.

Sitting in his Bumbo, having a blast!

And in his Exersaucer dutifully smiling for Mama.

Let me throw on a few goals for this week:

1. Gym four times.
2. Go to a meeting.
3. Uh, 2's enough for now :)

Thank you for stopping by.

Holding on Tight

You know how when you first get back on the wagon things are sorta shaky for a while? It's like you have to hold on tight or you might easily fall back off. That's where I am. In fact, reading back over my recent history I've gotten on and fallen off a few times in the past couple of months. So I'm back on! And I'm holding on tight. I went to the gym Wed, Thur, Fri and Sat of last week. Wow, four times!

I also made it to a meeting on Friday (again, thanks Katrina!), which was good. The weight did go up, as expected. I am now 184.4 pounds. That's a gain of 2.8 pounds from my last meeting on 5/29. It is also 6 pounds over my post-pregnancy weight of 178.4 pounds. Even worse, I am 41% body fat. Yikes! In fact, looking over my weigh-ins since returning to WW I've only had one week in which I had a loss, all the others were gains (or one where I stayed the same). I will work hard and maybe I'll have a loss this week.

I also spent a lot of time out of the house this weekend, which is always good for my soul (and my momentum). On Saturday Miguel, Marek and I spent the afternoon at Stinson Beach. There's a bit of a heat wave going on here so the beach was crowded, which was fun. We played catch and people watched and whiled away the afternoon.

Marek and I on the beach.

On Sunday Miguel had a soccer game so Marek and I joined some friends at the Bolinas Jetty beach. He relaxed while I played in the waves, played catch and batted around a badminton birdie. It was a great afternoon and I felt pretty good driving home with warm skin covered with a thin layer of salt. Marek was a dream and only complained the last 15 minutes or so of the car ride home.

Today, Monday, I was sitting around contemplating whether or not to go to the gym when I pulled one of those, "stop thinking about it and get up and go!" moves on myself. Fortunately it worked. I got there just in time to squeeze out my whole workout before the childcare closed. As far as my routine, I'm doin 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes of jog/walk (3.5mph walking with 3 two-minute jogs at 5mph). Those two-minute jogs are tough! Especially that last one, I have to do some mental maneuvering to keep myself going. I'm thinking about doing Couch-to-5k again. At least this time I know I'll be able to do the brisk 5-minute warmup walk! Heck, I could even start on Week 2.

As I mentioned before the size 14's I purchased recently are tight. This has to change in the next two weeks. I start back to work mid-July and I need to be able to wear those pants by then without looking like I'm stuffed in them. Does that sound possible? I sure hope so.

Well, that's it for me. I don't want to wrap up before saying a huge Thank You!! to all those who commented on my last entry. There have been a number of times when the comments on this blog have gone a long way in keeping me going, in reminding me of what I'm doing, what I can do, what I've already done, and where I can go and how to get there. I was very touched and inspired by them and it really helps, so thank you again.

I am so grateful I'm feeling the desire to respond individually so here goes...

Cyndi - thank you for telling me I inspired you. That is so inspiring to me now.
Alice - yes, I need to be easier on myself, 'cause you're right, having a baby throws the body for a loop. Also, I see a therapist, she's actually the her in the conversation I related in my last post :)
Cherelli - You're so right! I need to focus on those fun, active things that I love to do. I was actually just saying today that my biggest motivator for staying fit is so that I can get out there and have fun, live life, climb a mountain. And now I'm motivated to stay fit so I can do all these things with my son.
Amy - Yes, I want to. Thank you for reminding me of that. I've blogged before about the mental trap of thinking that I'm being forced by some outside entity to workout when it's me that wants it. And congratulations to you for getting back on the wagon! You're right, I'll be kicking myself down the road if I let this go farther.
Ruthie - I can't imagine doing this three times! Hats off to you. Your starting over video brought tears to my eyes.
Flo - Thank you for always encouraging me to stick with it :)
Irene - I hope you know what an inspiration you are to me. It does feel like my life depends on it, you're right.
Barbie2b - Please don't eat my baby! :) Thank you for the encouragement.
Bekkles - Thank you for empathizing with me. Sometimes it's so nice to just be heard. I know you know my struggle and I am motivated seeing you succeed.
Amybee - Baby steps, so timely :) Thank you for reminding me to focus on something small and achieve that goal. I sometimes get too overwhelmed with what I need to do.
Kathy - Thank you for commiserating with me and reminding me that I'm not alone. This weight/fitness is a lifelong battle for so many of us, but there's strength in numbers!
Heather - I appreciate you pointing out that what I did before might need to be tweaked considering my new life with a baby. It got me to thinking about ways I might be able to sneak in some fun exercise. Like tennis, I want to play tennis.
Now, how to do that with a baby??
Ironayla - It helps me so much to know this blog isn't just about me being all narcissistic. I'm also thinking about taking new before pictures so I can mentally stop focusing on where I was and focus on where I am now.
Kelly - I want to sign up for something but I'm scared. I guess my confidence is low and I'm not sure I could get ready in time. I might just do it though, it's great advice.
Colette - All my whining and you put it into perspective. Yes, it is worth it. To have my little baby, well, 30 pounds is a small price to pay. Thank you.
MaryFran - The gym was great! I so love it once I get there. Why is this hard? It's not like we get there and hate it. Isn't that weird?
Kelly - Thank you for passing on Jillian's wise words of wisdom. The new me...that's a concept I need to work harder on. I am not the old me anymore.

And to Tessa, Tara, and Mom for the sweet emails - thank you!!

And now I'm off to enjoy Taco Soup that has been cooking away for hours in my new slow cooker. If you have any tried and true healthy slow cooker recipes I'd be eternally grateful if you email them to me.

For Sale: Wagon - well used but sturdy.

Will consider a trade for leaves (new only).

Alright, alright, enough kidding around. Yes, I'm off the wagon. Yes, I'm once again vowing to turn over a new leaf. I went to the gym yesterday (thank you Katrina!) and found my gym diary showed my last workout was June 3rd, three weeks ago. Ugh.

So I've done some thinking. What's behind this gym resistance? I had a conversation recently...

me: Ugh, I don't feel like going to the gym lately. I'm so apathetic.
her: What do you think that's about?
me: ...well...I just don't feel like it.

Brilliant, aren't I? So I did some introspecting, trying to gain a better understanding of it all. I came to two conclusions. Well, three, I suppose.

#1. I am both rebelling against my new found lack of freedom and using it as an excuse. I used to be able to go to the gym whenever I was inspired to do so. Now I have to schedule it in. I have little windows in which I can go. Let the window pass and I'm stuck. It's very easy to let that window pass and then be comfortable in the knowledge that now I can't go.

#2. I think this is the biggie. I am angry that I have to lose weight. It's just not fair. In the past when I've re-gained weight I've lost it's been nothing but my own fault. This time, despite it not being entirely accurate, I view it as not my fault. I mean, I was pregnant. Of course I could have eaten better and exercised more while pregnant to avoid having to lose 30 pounds now, but that's not what happened. I choose, however, to ignore that part and pretend that I was powerless to the weight gain and am therefore angry and resentful at now having to lose said weight. I am angry at the unfairness of it. When I started this journey in February '07 I said I didn't know if I had it in me to lose the weight, and that I better get it right because I sure as heck didn't have it in me to do it, fail, and have to do it again. Well, here I am. It's true I no longer have 80+ pounds to lose (now there's something to be grateful for) but I realized that I'm angry to be back in a position of starting over, in any sense.

#3. I just don't feel like it. No, seriously, I think I'm dealing with a bit of self doubt. I don't really believe I can get back to where I was. I don't know why I doubt this, there's plenty of evidence to suggest I can, but I do. I need to change that thinking. I need to stop focusing on where I was, start from where I am, and make some short-term goals. Like really short, because even thinking about trying to lose 5 pounds sounds tough right now. Heck, I'm not even meeting my goal of going to meetings.

So the worst part of this spiral is that I am gaining weight. I haven't been to a meeting in weeks (surprise, surprise) so I'm not sure of the official gain but I think it's in the order of 5 pounds or so. I'm pushing 190 (!!) and the size 14 pants I purchased recently are getting tight (!!). I am at a fork in the road and I damn well better get a grip. [Today's blog is brought to you by metaphors]

No, that's not the worst part. The worst part is that I feel like crap. I'm getting more and more tired every day, inactivity begets inactivity and although I'm getting better and better at online Scrabble, it's not doing anything for my state of mind. So, time to take a bit of my own advice. Start again. Better than stopping again.

Oh, let me share a phone conversation between Miguel (husband) and I while he was driving home from work.

him: We need to go to the gym. Come on, meet me there.
me: No, I don't feel like it. I'm tired. You go.
him: But you need to go.
me: Why?
him: Because we're paying for it.
me: Let's cancel it then.

Yeah, well, what can I say? When I resist I resist. So, I'm looking for a new meeting. The leader I was going to left me with the impression she was talking to children. She had great things to say but her delivery didn't do it for me. If I have to go to her meetings I will though. Not as many choices around here as there used to be for some reason.

I have three weeks before I return to work. If I hit the gym for three weeks I'll be in good shape to keep it up once I'm back in the rat race. I'm really hoping these new insights will help me to move on and get back in the groove. Some good news is that I was able to do the same routine I was doing three weeks ago. 30 minutes of cardio (elliptical and walk/run treadmill) and weight training. And not sore today.

So, you all do such a great job of liking my pictures...I'll close with a few from the past weeks.

One of my favorites:

Marek and I and Miguel and Marek at the mother's club family picnic:


I actually went on a hike!

With my grandfather over Father's Day weekend.



Thank you for stopping by :) I'm off to change, feed the baby, and hit the gym.