The Plan - as it stands today

I went to my new gym today for the first time and had my complimentary training session. I got there a little early so I had time to warm up on the treadmill. I tell you, I was feeling quite scared about what I would be able, or not able to do. I started out at 1 incline and 1.5mph. Ok, that was slooooow. I worked my way up, over about 5 minutes, to 3.2mph and that felt comfortable for a start. "I can still walk!". I know that sounds silly but that was what I was thinking. I feel so very out of shape that I was afraid my legs would cramp up or my heart would beat out of my chest after just a few minutes. Nope, all was fine. I felt good enough that I think I can start the Couch to 5k Running Plan right away. Just like the last time I did it I plan to go slow and repeat weeks as many times as needed until I feel ready to advance.

But the truth is I can't think much past where I am today. If I start down that path I end up with a negative feeling of "I can't do it," so I just stop. Anyway, back to the gym - I ended up walking about 11 minutes before trainer guy arrived, we'll call him Ken (he looked like a Ken, can't remember his name).

He asked me what I wanted to do so I gave him my thoughts. A 45 minute workout, all cardio to start and mix in weight training down the road. After a very brief discussion that plan was out and a plan of both cardio and weight training was agreed upon. I probably knew all along this is the way to go but was scared, quite frankly, to lift weights after so much inactivity.

Next was I told Ken about my past fitness feats but didn't feel the need to tell him the whole story right from the start. So I just started at "I used to be fit and then I had two kids." Which is true, right? I didn't need to go over the whole 75 pound weight loss and my psychological issues related to food and exercise, etc. It felt good, like I'd moved on from the fat person identity, as if, "I'm a fit person in a temporarily un-fit body, help, please."

We went around the gym and he showed me various exercises I could do that would be good for a 45 - 60 minute workout. I had a few favorites, one was on a stability ball.

What I really like about this is the dual attention to the chest press and core fitness as well. Being under a time crunch (no pun intended) means any multi-tasking is a good thing.

The other thing I like were these bent knee raises that you do while you are sitting on the very edge of a bench with your back leaned back. They were tough but felt good in that, "Oh, that hurts...let's do more of those" sort of way.



So, there you have it, I think I have a plan for the gym. I'll go 3-4 times a week and do cardio (c25k) followed by weight training (different areas each visit). Ken was very encouraging, told me my body would come back faster than I realize and that I still have a lot of strength and my weight lifting techniques are very good. It was a very nice confidence boost. Let's see if I can follow through with action.

I've been changing my eating, day by day, nothing drastic, just trying to nudge my brain and behaviors out of some new (old) bad habits. When I want to pick up a candy bar at checkout I tell myself, "All that's over now, we're getting back on track." Or something like, "You're going somewhere and that candy bar won't help you get there." The resisting of urges, exerting some self control, it feels familiar, feels good. Not as good as cheesecake feels, of course, but good. Today at lunch there was cheesecake and I think I missed half of what my colleague was saying resisting that cheesecake with a barrage of self talk. I resisted it at the counter (we eat lunch cafeteria style and it's free!) and then I really wanted to ask my colleague for a bite of hers but I didn't. Small victories, right?

I think my stomach is shrinking some, I'm not hungry 24/7 like I was when I first started to scale down the food intake but it's still bigger than I'd like. Still no plans to return to Weight Watchers, though that too may be in my future. I'll just have to see how things go and what feels right.

Ok, finally - the big news. My weight. Oh how I'd like to pretend that tracking my weight was never part of this blog and that I don't need to post how much I weigh. It's bad but with a bit of good. Are you ready for this? I weigh 199 pounds. In the morning. With no clothes on. My weigh-in day will be Friday. If you haven't already figured it out the 'small bit of good' is that I am under 200. Staying that way is definitely motivating.

I could go on and on about all that lies ahead and all that's swirling around in my head but it's late and I'm pooped. I did two sets of squats at the gym. Please send positive thoughts my way that I can walk tomorrow! And, as always, thank you so much for your support. This blog, I think it's become an anchor for me. If you weren't here I think I'd still write but it would be nowhere near as helpful. Thank you!!!