A Turtle with a Complex

I have noticed an interesting difference between my pre-kids weight loss journey and my current one. Well, there's been more than one difference but the most notable is impatience. When I was losing those 75 pounds I rarely felt any sense of urgency. In general, I didn't get bummed when I only lost x amount of weight, I didn't have any deadlines (as in "I have to lose 10 pounds by next month), and I often didn't get frustrated with the amount of time to go before I was "in shape". I find myself dealing with those things now.

Last time, when I started the journey I was beaten down and feeling nearly hopeless before I even started. I think starting from that point led me to feel grateful with every little accomplishment. I could generally celebrate a victory of any sort without feeling cheated or frustrated by some other setback. It wasn't the first time I'd lost weight but because I started at that, I guess you could say, bottom, it was a novel experience. Because I started the journey with such low expectations, even suspecting it would probably not work, I was hardly ever disappointed. Expectations - that's it, that's what I need to work on. It's a bit of a catch though. Isn't it good to expect results? I suppose the idea, and what I had before, was to approach it with a "I'm am going to put in the work, do the right thing, and results with naturally follow."

That's how I want to feel again. I don't want to be feeling impatient, feeling like things need to move along faster. I want to enjoy the journey, slow down, smell the roses, find the joy in the process again - because there is a lot of joy to be found in transformation. Arriving is only a small part of the journey. I also strongly believe if I do this with the end result in mind, if lose sight of the process, then I am engaging in some risky diet-mentality behavior. IT IS ALL ABOUT MAINTENANCE! If that is true, then this is not me on a trip to somewhere (fitness, weight loss, fill in the blank), this is me living the life I will live for the rest of my life. Writing this is already helping. I am not in a hurry, I do not have a deadline, I am making permanent changes, returning to a way of life that actually makes me happier, brings me to a calm, centered place. I get so very much out of leading a healthy lifestyle. I do not need the "reward" of weighing a certain weight, of fitting into a particular pair of pants, or running x number of miles. My reward is the way I feel right now.

Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. I really do feel better about this. Now, just to make it stick. Funny, I've been dealing with this and today WW posted this an article about slow weight loss. This was my favorite paragraph (I bolded the parts that really spoke to me):

Why slow weight loss lasts

"I'm glad my weight loss was slow for me because I feel like I really have made lifestyle changes," says Lyn, a meetings member. "I just keep at it. I continue to see slow progress but overall a great deal of success. Slowly but surely the weight comes off."

It's that kind of "through thick and thin" attitude that will take people from thick to thin for good, says Mandel. Losing weight slowly isn't just healthier, she says, it's a better investment. Not only are you dropping pounds, you're working on building habits that you'll be able to maintain. And those habits will help you maintain the weight you lost, so you can stay at your goal weight for good.

"Plus, you have more energy to live life in the present, because you're not starving and focusing on food," says Mandel. "You're creating a healthy relationship with food." That's the key to lifelong success.

Lifelong success - yes, that's what we're after.

So as far as exercise goes I went to the gym today and did the bike. I decided I was ready to try Level 3 and it was a great success! I came up with a new RPM scheme. I do the random program on the bike and Level 3 goes anywhere from Level 1 up to Level 8. Here's my plan:

Levels 1-2: RPM 100+
Levels 3-4: Optional between 90-100+ depending on how I feel
Levels 5-6: RPM 90+
Levels 7-8: RPM 80+

How's that sound? That's what I did today and it worked out well - kept me working hard but not too hard. After 25 minutes on the bike I did strength training, back and biceps. I mixed in core work as usual. I felt like a champ when I was done. Sometimes I wish I could go to the gym twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. I think I'm getting addicted to the post-gym high.

Finally - I'm thinking a header change is in order. As much as I love that picture of me standing in the lake after my triathlon I feel like it's not accurate. It's not me now. I will be keeping an eye out for a good web header picture.

Well, Happy Monday folks - I hope you all have a fabulous week!! Thank you for cheering me on this past month, it both means a lot AND helps a lot.