Mind Games 2011

I got on the treadmill yesterday with high hopes. It seemed the circumstances were ideal, I'd been following c25k on the each-week-twice plan, I felt good in the week 5/day 2 run, I had a rest day the day before...and I was feeling good mentally. Everything seemed in place for a triumphant 20 minute run. Oh but it wasn't. It was a fight. Minute by minute, step by step, I had to fight to finish those 20 minutes. Here's a sort-of breakdown of what went through my head.

Warmup walk: Let's do it!
Minutes 1-3: Oh, that hurts, but it will get better, once I'm more warmed up it will get better. (I was having tightness and pain in my Achilles area)
Minutes 4-7: Not sure I'm going to be able to finish this one, this is really hard, but I have to at least make it to 8 minutes, the time I did the other day. Why isn't it getting easier?
Minutes 8-9: Ok, make it halfway, you can make it to 10 minutes, go, run, you are strong, you can do this. Maybe it's not getting easier because you did legs 2 days ago for strength training? it doesn't matter, just keep running.
Minute 10: halfway, don't stop. maybe I should stop? if it hurts I should stop, right?
Minute 11: does it really hurt? not that bad, now it's just a dull ache. at least my heart rate isn't too high. just run to minute 12.
Minute 12: 8 more minutes to go?! don't think about that, just run, just keep running, look out the window, look at the tv, make it one more minute, you can do one more minute.
Minutes 13-15: one more minute, you can run one more minute, some people are disabled and can't walk at all, you are fortunate, you can do this, remember running into the finish area at the tri, how exciting was that? my heart rate is climbing pretty high. if it gets to 170 I'm stopping.
Minute 16: YOU ARE SO CLOSE!!! 4 minutes to go, you can do it! It hurts, it's hard, but you must have the will, do not give up now. 168, 169, 167 - not 170 but even if it hits 170 i'm not stopping, i'm too close now.
Minutes 17-20: I am going to do this, I know I am, hard but not impossible.
Minute 21:00 - Whew. No celebrating here, too beat, just a quiet acknowledgement that I did it. I tested my will, I dug deep, and I used my mind to push myself.

Geez, you'd think I'd run a marathon! But it was hard, it really was, and I will not dismiss or belittle it. I struggled but I did it.

Like all the other weeks I am going to repeat Week 5 again. Let's hope my next 20 minute run goes something like this:

Minutes 1-20: la, la, la, I love running, isn't this fun?, I could do this all day, la, la, laaaaa.

I can either take today or tomorrow off from the gym and I'm very undecided. We are going to a baby shower 2 hours from home tomorrow so I might be smart to go today in case the trek interferes. I'm feeling ok today, a little tightness in my hips, but otherwise ok. And the tiredness seems to be going away too, hopefully it was just a mild virus (both kids have runny noses and I have a sore throat) dragging me down.

As always, thank you for your support.