Two Pieces of Confidence

An example of dinner (had this Monday night)

Is it Thursday already?  One more day and the work week will have come to a close.  Things in the food department are slowly moving back to what I'll call normal.  What's my normal?

Breakfast:  Usually whole grain cereal with almond milk; coffee with ff creamer
Healthy mid-morning snack:  Banana and Fage, string cheese and an apple, crackers and cheese
Lunch:  A healthy serving of salad plus whatever's being served at the cafeteria at work
Healthy mid-afternoon snack:  same as above
Dinner:  Lean protein, carb, veggies.
Possibly desert/evening snack:  Frozen fruit bar, cheese stick, hot chocolate, etc.

And thrown in are the social events that add things like wine, cake, appetizers, etc.  I guess my basic approach is to eat fairly clean when I'm preparing the food and not so much if it's out to eat or something a friend is serving.  The problem lately has been I've been buying all sorts of junk and eating it.  And eating the kids' snacks, gratuitously eating dinner rolls, etc. 

Not sure why I'm going over this, maybe to remind myself.  In any case, my eating is improved.  Still more snacking than I need but I'm focusing a lot of attention on healthy thoughts and positive reinforcements.  I believe my power lies in my thoughts and if I can get my brain on board the rest will follow.  So when I had only one dinner roll instead of three, I acknowledged the improvement and reminded myself that this is not behavior I feel good about and moved on.  The candy/chips stuff has all but ended.  And the Pirate Booty is gone after I put the remainder down the garbage disposal - sorry kids, your mommy's a food junkie. 

Hopefully I won't be asking them to hide their Halloween candy in their bedrooms when they get older.  But if I do, well, nobody's perfect.  I'd like to not pass on my food issues and am very careful to avoid fat/diet talk in front of them (altogether really).  One of my favorite things is when I come home in my gym clothes and they ask, "How was your run mommy?".  Love that.  "Some day I'll be big and can go on your run with you, right?"  Yep.

A light that continues to shine is my workouts.  I went to the gym on Monday as planned and had a great time on the upright bike and strength training.  Tuesday was a run on the treadmill.  I kicked some running ass, pushing myself to run at 6.4mph with 7.4mph intervals thrown in every five minutes.  It was hard, but I was harder.  Times like that a stubborn streak will do you good.  I'm almost 100% back to my pre-pneumonia levels.

Wednesday was a day off from exercise and I did something you will not believe.  I wore a bikini.  In public.  You heard right, a bikini. I made plans with a mom friend (Hi Whitney!!) to go to a local beach (we're in the middle of a heatwave over here) and she told me they were the only ones when she'd gone two days prior.  I decided to bite the bullet and let my stomach and back see the light of day.  I wouldn't be able to do this with just anyone but I feel comfortable with Whitney that she's not judging me, which is so important if you're going to wear a bikini when you really don't have a bikini-ready body.  And don't tell me I do, I have too much extra skin to be sporting a bikini. 

But on Wednesday, I didn't let that stop me.  Though it did revive my tummy tuck desires and I'm seriously considering booking it for December (shhhh! don't tell anyone).  I felt a bit strange but mostly I was pleased that I decided to put my self-confidence issues aside and just enjoy the sunshine.  I never thought I'd wear a bikini but I tell ya, it's nice to have hardly any clothes on on such a hot day.  And no, I don't have any pictures, thank the lord.  I'm sure that would scare me off ever wearing one again.  I covered up after a while, when people started showing up and especially when another mom joined us that I'd never met.  I'm not that super-evolved, hippie mom that bares her flaws with no qualms.  Not yet anyway.

Today, Thursday, was jam packed with work.  I had to squeeze my workout into a smaller time slot.  I started with 25 minutes on the bike and pushed myself harder than ever.  I upped my normal RPMS by 10 for most levels.  So when I usually ride at 70, I rode at 80.  I wasn't able to do it the whole time but I'm sure it was at least 20 of the 25 minutes.  I was sweating like crazy but loving every minute of it.  Then I did back/biceps/core.  My poor back, it's still too sore for back extensions.  I really need to give decline crunches a rest too while it recovers but I just love them so darned much.

That's all I got for now.  Thank you all for the support here and on my Facebook page.  Knowing I'm not alone in this journey is so powerful.  And the faith others have in me, that I'll figure this out and persevere, it's humbling truly.  Thank you!!