Perfectly Imperfect

Ask Yoda

It's Thursday Friday already?! How is this happening? Does time go into hyper-speed in December? Is this happening to anyone else? I feel like the days are zooming by. Of course, of course it's happening to everyone, I can hear it in their frenzied, distracted voices on the phone. And in my own. This isn't the peaceful, mindful lifestyle I'd like to be living but I'm also striving for acceptance of what is so I'll not judge, just accept. Zooming it is. For now.

So Wednesday was a day home with the kids. Those days are numbered, by the way. I am very sad to report that come January I will no longer be working a 4-day workweek. My lovely employer has decided it is best to have everyone working 5-days a week. What century is this? But I'm not in a position to fight this fight right now so I just have to accept it. There it is again, acceptance. I'm doing so by putting my head in the sand and pretending it's not happening. Losing my day with the kids is breaking my heart right now. But uh, well... excuse me while I re-insert my head back into the sand.

Yesterday I went to the gym after work. Glen's spin class was underway so I quickly changed and joined in. When all was said and done I got about 30 minutes of the class, which was perfect. I was short on time so I skipped the post-spin stretching and went to do weights. Arrive late and leave early, what a student.

Weights were chest/triceps/core. Tough stuff there. The pushups are feeling a bit more manageable but the core and tricep work was a challenge. Of course I muscled through (tee hee) and then ran to pick up the kids.

My eating is off-again, I haven't been tracking either. I did so for about 1.5 days and then, blip, I was off. Not sure what to say about that. Nothing to say at this point really. Except that I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and never give up.

Because of my personal life issues there's been a tape of negative self-talk playing in my head for weeks on end. And it's quite harsh. There is no harsher critic than ourselves and the judgments have been heavy and ever-present. I know it's not helping with the food stuff. And don't get me started on my confidence, suffice to say, it's low. But each workout is like a moment of salvation, a ray of light shining through a hole in the clouds. It's a break from the melancholy that says, "In this moment you are strong and healthy and all is right in the world."

I got on the scale this morning. 145.8 pounds. I am now officially above my goal weight. My pants are a bit snug - nothing you'd notice but I can feel it. And I'm avoiding the pants that were quite fitted a few months ago. But you know what? All is right in the world. In this moment, too, things are good. So much to be grateful for. I will continue to strive, continue to put one foot in front of the other. If, during this time, I take a few steps back, I can accept that as long as I continue to move forward over time. I am imperfect and in that imperfection, I am exactly as I should be.