Maybe I'm Amazed

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For years people have been asking me, "how do you do it all?" And by all I think they mean raise kids, work, exercise, blog, keep a friend or two, etc, etc. Well, sometimes something has to give and the past week + it's been the blog. I assure you, I've been mostly busy as heck. And if not busy, sitting on the couch at the end of the night watching bad television (Housewives, anyone?), which I've decided is the TV equivalent of a cheap glass of wine. I'm sure it kills brain cells too but at least it's calorie free!

Speaking of calories... the eating. It got bad. Like, two pieces of toast with butter and peanut butter past midnight bad. And that was after a variety of other "snacks." As I was buttering the toast I thought, "What's it going to be Michelle? This?" For days (or weeks?) I'd been thinking over my re-visiting of old habits and kept reviewing the same material, "I have to stop doing this, this doesn't feel good"...cycling through feeling motivated and strong in the morning but come nighttime, all is lost.

Not all, of course, as I'd remind myself. Most of my clothes still fit (notice I didn't say all) and hey, I still look good, right? And I'm still exercising. But that misses the point. The point is, I'm not happy with my behavior. So I finally started to challenge myself to stop saying the same old thing and start analyzing what it is I'm telling myself that leads to sabotage. And when I listen, the answers are there. Or, not so much answers, as lies.

I found myself saying things like, "It doesn't matter", "I'll start fresh tomorrow", "It's only a string cheese" (if only it stopped there), "But I want it", "I don't care." Some of these are old favorites, others are relatively new to me. In any case, once I started listening, I could start challenging. So that's where I've been putting my energy. And I'm happy to report, I'm course correcting. The evening snacking is slowing down, the random food choice situation is improving.

Because it does matter; starting fresh tomorrow is useless if I stop cold by 10pm; if I'm eating out of a bad habit it doesn't matter what I'm eating, it's the behavior that's the problem, not the food; I think I want it, and maybe I do in that moment, but what else do I want? and don't I want that more?; and I care. I CARE, dammit! So no more lies, no more denial.

Also, I heard of this little trick to change your most-used password to something positive you want for yourself, like WHOLEFOODS24!, and that by typing the positive phrase all the time you subliminally influence yourself. So I picked a phrase for my phone and it might seem silly, but I think it's helping.

we love this little guy!

Mostly though, I had to get my head out of the sand and that's what I'm doing. So...what else am I doing? Keeping busy. Marek started playing soccer so now twice a week practice sessions and weekend games are on the agenda. I still need to get a picture of him in his little outfit, so cute!

And...my big boy starts kindergarten tomorrow. Eek! Remember when he was born a short 5.5 years ago?? He's a little man now and he's sure to let us know that any chance he gets.

We also took a weekend camping trip to Tahoe this past weekend. I took the kids up to a S.Tahoe spot called Zephyr Cove. We had a blast! The kids LOVE camping and we wore ourselves out with lake activities and hiking and general adventuring. It was a great thing to do the last weekend before school starts. Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures. I know, so unlike me!

The evening just before leaving I went to the Paul McCartney concert (hence the post title) with my mom and some family and friends. Staying up until 1:30am and then getting up in the morning, pack for camping, drive 3.5 hours to Tahoe, set up camp...ambitious, let me tell you. But I pulled it off.

I'm sure part of how I could pull it off is being in shape. I've been pretty damn good about exercise. Last week I made it to the gym on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday evening we stayed in a hotel near the concert venue. I got there about a half-hour early...just enough time for a run! So I ran for 30 minutes along the water and gave myself TONS of #wycwyc kudos.

And it's a good thing too because I had more than a few cocktails that evening. Oh, and for dinner that night I had a small salad and chicken wings. Yumm, chicken wings. Anyway, back to exercise. So last week was a resounding success. This week is also going well.

Yesterday I was driving to the gym after work while getting an earful from an angry person on a work-related call, complete with shouting and cursing. Ugh. It just pushed me over the top stress-wise. As I walked into the gym I noticed a mat Pilates class was about to start. Ahh, yes, relaxing music, slow moves, that's what I needed. So I tossed out my cardio/weights plan and did Pilates instead. Perfect! And I challenged my stubborn brain when it tried to suggest this workout didn't "count" because I didn't burn x-number of calories or break a major sweat.

Today was back to my normal routine, I went for a 25 minute run outside and then did legs/shoulders/core. The run felt so good. My pace lately has been whateverthehellfeelsgood and I gotta tell you, I like that pace. Who cares how fast/slow I'm running...I'm running for crying out loud!

So there you have it, the update of where I've been for the past 10 days.