Blogging two days in a row, you know something's got my attention. I'm writing to respond to this comment on yesterday's post:
Oh no, no, nooooo. I think I'll separate thoughts in this comment and respond to them one-by-one.
- Why does it have to be so hard ALL the time?...this is going to be a daily battle for the rest of my life.
Not true! It's not hard all the time. It's true there are hard days, sometimes hard weeks, but it's just not true that it's hard every day, for the rest of your life. If I believed it would forever be as hard as it is right now I'd probably give up. I would not choose to endure this kind of tension if it were daily and forever. But I know this will pass, it will get easier again, it does, every time.
- not fair, not fair :(
Maybe it's true that it's not fair. But everyone has unfairness in their lives, at least mine is something I can do something about. Plus, either way it’s unfair. Either I face unfairness by limiting your
eating, or I face all the unfairnesses and hardships that come with
being overweight. Besides, it’s a common misconception that other people
can eat whatever they want, they’re limiting
themselves, too.
- Maintenance
seems to be a different animal.
Yes and no. Maintenance is different in that you're not trying to get to a specific goal, and I think it's mostly easier than it used to be because I have more skills, habits, etc now. I know when I'm in a down place it sounds super hard but if I really think about it, I know it's easier, that I have way more tools and insights than I used to have. So yes, different, but also the same. The same in that I have to keep paying attention, I have to remember how important this is to me, how much it matters to me. I have to be careful of thinking I'm cured and can move on to other things.
- what an effing struggle this all is.
I would add to the end of that sentence, at times. This goes back to #1. It's not an effing struggle every moment of every day. And I wouldn't even say it was an effing struggle on average. Most of the time it's great. And even when it's not great, it beats the alternative of not struggling at all. In fact that's the true struggle, being overweight and not taking action to do anything about it. That's when I felt truly hopeless. It's a struggle, at times, and a struggle that I happily take on. When I sat on the couch eating donuts I thought that was easier but I now know it was WAY harder to live like that. Down with "easy"! Bring on the struggle!
-
thanks Michele for being so "real" we all need to hear to truth.
You're welcome. And I also hope you're reading my happy, alive, dancing in the sunshine posts and saying to yourself, "Look! It can be easy and fun and joyous." Because that's part of the "real" truth too.
- you
are on the other side now.
I can see how it looks that way but really, there is no other side. There is here and here is there. I am where I am, haven't moved really, took me with me. Maybe this is too zen mindfulness whatever. And I guess I am on the other side if the other side means I've realized that this is worth it, that I want to work for it, that I have what I need to get here, I've always had it. There was never anything wrong with Michelle that could not be fixed by what is right with Michelle.
- Find a plan and routine to keep you
there...oh and then tell us how to do it?
I have! It's called never giving up. It's called paying attention. It's called mixing up my approach depending on how I'm feeling. There's no one plan, no one routine. Last month I could keep tortilla chips in my house no problem, today? Nope. The how to do it changes over time, and then goes back, and then changes again. So the biggest thing I've found is taking charge of my thoughts, my behaviors. I will not deny my desire for a fit, healthy body. And I will use that desire to drive my thoughts and behavior.
I want to thank you Colleen for this comment. It put me in the position of writing out some things I really needed to think about. You voiced some of my inner sabotaging thoughts and by challenging them I reminded myself. Thank
you.
Posts
After decades of not caring and eating whatever the blank I wanted, followed by all too brief periods of punishing and restricting bouts of eating I finally got fed up with the hopeless ridiculous and somewhat comedic routine of my life and went back to Weight Watchers.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to say that 47 lbs are now gone. Not sure if there is anything different about me now as opposed to then. I still need to loose more. I do not think I have solved my eating behaviours at all. My mother was a binger. My sister is a binger. I am coming round to the belief that food behaviours are like most other addictions in our society. There is no official and concrete cure. They simply have to be managed. Some days are better than others. String enough of them together and you can get months, years and possibly decades free of the 'effing struggle' and happy to just have to deal with the rest of your life.
Your blog for me is a template of how things can be for all of us on this path. Not perfect but definitely attainable.
Hope you feel better soon and thanks for sharing with us.
Catherine
you're awesome! this is a great response to Colleen's comment. Thank you Colleen for posting your comment so she could break it down for us what it's really like. it reminds me that, even tho i've had some back sliding, that the game isn't over yet. i CAN get back on track and i CAN do this and relose the weight i gained back.
ReplyDeleteYes! What a great post! I personally feel that is my one hardest thing to overcome - the feeling that I am walking a tightrope, which gets scarier and more intense the further I go across the canyon, then the tension gets too much and I 'fall off' because I am frightened of change. It really is all about degrees and nudging towards perfect as often as you can rather than being absolute- and it is YOUR blog that made me realise. Big thanks!
ReplyDeleteThese two posts are so good. It does feel like it will be a constant struggle all the time and that it's so unfair to those of us who have had lifelong weight struggles. Thanks for sharing yours. It makes me feel less alone!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to answer questions and uncertainties. And yes, it's not just all hardships everyday. As you go along, your body will get used to it and as soon as you see the results, the battle you've gone through will all be worth it. And it will push you to do even more.
ReplyDeleteWOW! I relate in so many ways. I am hybrid maintainer-loser. I've lost over a 100lbs; before reaching my goal weight I met a great man and a year and half later we are still together. Trouble is he is "hefty" so my diet went on a hiatus, and I have struggled to maintain the weight loss let alone getting back in the groove of losing again! There are GOOD days and there are bad days; but I agree it is not fair that as a former fatty I still have to consider everything I put in my mouth while others eat and drink with abandon. But it is what is and I just keep fighting the good fight and taking it one day at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteI've just found your blog through Google who list it as one of the best weight loss blogs out there. And I have to say they are completely right! I love your blog and your story - you're a real inspiration and I've got you in my 'Read Regularly' bookmarks. Thanks for your words and good luck with the half marathon in SF.
ReplyDelete