A Way of Life

I just have to start off by saying it feels so good to again have a sense of being in control. I think the feeling of being out of control is the worst! It's not like I was a raging eat-aholic like I was in the remote past but there were moments that were close, and I was quite often making crappy food choices, and just in general I felt like a victim of my cravings. I could ask why I didn't pull it together sooner, but what's the point? I've pulled it together now, I just wasn't ready or willing before.

my meal actually looked almost exactly like this.

Today was a good day, if you can't tell by the above. What made it good? Because I behaved in a way that is consistent with my goals and that feels good. I had the morning off to do some stuff with Miguel and we ended up having a late breakfast (brunch really) at IHOP. Not a regular spot for me but it was easy and in the strip-mall we were in. So I ordered the Simple and Fit two egg breakfast.

"You'll get fluffy egg whites, two strips of crisp turkey bacon, whole wheat toast and a perfect portion of seasonal mixed fruit." The meal was 9 points. I put two of those strawberry jam packets on my toast, which added 3 points. 12 points is a lot but like I said, this was brunch. I noticed when I put it in my tracker they have a Simple and Fit veggie omelet meal that is only 8 points. If I go there again, I'll have to try that. I love veggie omelets.

I eventually had to go into work and later had a bout of unexplained anxiety. I'm not used to dealing with that sort of thing but I figure with all the changes this past year it's surprising it hasn't happened more. I plugged along at work but when the day was done home sounded like a nice place to go. Instead, I convinced myself that if I kept my plan to go the gym, even if I just do a quick workout, I'll feel better.

today's log - with a Well done! note to me.

So that's what I did, and I was right. I started with 20 minutes on the upright bike, level 7. Oh boy, that was hard. After that I did about a half-hour of weight training, legs/shoulders/core. My legs held up surprisingly well given yesterday's run. I felt grateful for my body. I was/am a bit sore but it's ok. In the past when I had to "get back into shape" after some time off I'd feel kind of irritated by this initial 4-6 week window of soreness and (relative) lack of strength. But this time I feel differently, it is what it is, and the truth is, I'll have to do it probably a bunch more times if I plan to maintain this for life.

I was thinking about that while at the gym and really got that fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life. I know it seems obvious but I think every time I get "back" to a certain level of fitness I have this, "ah, I've finally arrived, it's so nice to be here" feeling. And it is, but that level of fitness can be transient, it comes and goes for varying reasons. Might be illness, surgery or something, major life change that derails me, needing to take care of others more than normal - all kinds of things can throw things off for a while, and then, well then I have to get back on.

Anyway, that's all I have for today. Oh, one more thing, my complexion has been a mess lately. Little pimples and whatnot, the crap food I was eating is to blame, I know it is, I've had this happen before. My body isn't as happy on so many levels when I'm eating junk, and too much of it. And if the body isn't happy, I'm not sure the mind can be either. But that's a whole different blog post. I'm done for tonight, night all!