Me Time

I was planning to exercise yesterday only because I thought I had a training session scheduled. Turns out that's tomorrow (Thursday). Because of my back I decided it was probably a good idea to take the day off. But my back tends to hurt more in the morning and as the day goes on it gets better so by evening I was wanting to go. Miguel agreed to put the kids to bed so I could go before they closed.

It was a bike day so I rode the bike, random, level 3. The random route was too easy though so I upped the resistance 4-5 times through the ride to make it more challenging. Maybe it's time to move up to level 4. After the bike I did strength training - legs and shoulders - with core work mixed in. And after that I did 5 minutes on the stair climber. I always close with a little stretching. I felt so good I planned to get up the next day (today) and go the gym at 5:30am (because that's the only time it would work).

Ha! My alarm went off at 5:12 this morning and I didn't even think about getting up. Thank goodness Miguel got off work earlier than usual so I could go tonight before an evening commitment. I did c25k Week 4, Day 2. I know I say this a lot but I wasn't sure I could do it. I had to push myself, do some self chanting (I. can. do. it. I. will. do. it. - to the rhythm of my steps), but I did it. Whew! It's still hard to believe this will one day be "easy". Today was back and biceps. I skipped the back extensions but did the lat pulldown and seated row. Then core work, and 5 minutes on the stair climber - Bam! - 501 calories and I was outta there feeling good!

So I remember before I had kids I used to see references to using the gym as me time. I think it was always listed as a benefit of going to the gym and meant to motivate people. I never really understood it and it didn't motivate me. Now I know why I didn't get it. I didn't need "me" time back then. It was all me time. Now, very little of my time is me time, and I totally get it. I feel like getting that time for myself, where I can let my thoughts freely roam around in my head - without being interrupted by the phone ringing or a screaming, "mommmmmmmmy, where are youuuuuu?" while I'm trying to pee - well, it's an aspect of exercise I'm coming to really appreciate. And let me tell you, it recharges my mommy battery big time.

Shifting gears - I've gotten a handful of compliments over the past few weeks. People telling me that I'm looking better, that they can tell I've lost weight. You know what? You want the real truth? I don't believe them. Isn't that awful? My immediate gut reaction is that they are only saying that to be nice and encourage me. Ha! I know in my rational brain that most people aren't going to spontaneously lie to me but, well, I'm a compliment rejector.

Nice person: "You look good, I can really see a difference."
Me: "Well, I've only lost 5 pounds, not even that really, more like 4.8"

Sometimes I have the good sense to thank them and to force myself to take in the compliment but mostly I dismiss it. Why do we do that? I remember reading in some psych article that our brains are wired to remember the negative. Positive things are not a threat to us, negative things are. So it's WAY more important to remember that bitter, poisonous fruit than it was the sweet, nourishing one. Could it be related to that? Could it be confidence? I know it's not the old self esteem. Thank goodness at 40 years old I finally have self esteem. I know - it's what I said above, it's that I don't believe it. I don't believe I look good. I don't believe I look better than I did 2 months ago (well, on some days I do). Hmmm...the head part of this always interests me.

I will close by saying this to anyone that has complimented me over the past 8 weeks...THANK YOU. Really, thank you. Even though I may try to deflect it I think it gets in there, seeps into my brain and helps me. Thank you for noticing, thank you for caring.