Seems like it's been ages since I last posted only four days ago. I think that's a good sign that I've been keeping busy. First, for the news that I've been bursting at the seams to post... I lost 3 pounds!!! I was 196 at my private weigh-in last Friday. My first thought was, "the pressure's on." My brain went immediately to thoughts about not being able to keep up a weekly three pound weight loss. How silly is that. So for a little reality therapy I scanned my weigh-ins from the past and saw how I jumped all over the place but slowly the numbers went down. Sometimes I just have to laugh at the things my brain comes up with. I'm not feeling so much pressure now but still working hard to keep my head space nice and clear.
There are several thoughts my mind tries to think that I immediately shut down before they get fully formed. One starts with, "I used to be able to..." when thinking about exercise. Another is, "If I'd only have..." when thinking about how I managed baby weight, post-baby weight, etc. Cherelli reminded me of the weight of regret and that it's not helpful. I shut that thought down quickly. The worst thoughts are the ones that are about getting down on the way my body looks. That critical self isn't helpful. I try to keep any of those thoughts out of my head. And finally thoughts about not being successful, I challenge those outright with a lot of positive self talk. I have always been a huge proponent of the power of self talk, of telling yourself what you want to be true.
During this pregnancy/baby period I have found myself wondering if I was going to go back to my old lifestyle of poor food choices and inactivity. I suspected that I could not, that I had fundamentally changed and that even if I did not return to 2 hour gym routines and 50 mile bike rides I still would not return to 230+ pounds and laying on the couch all weekend. I know I was right, I don't know what the future holds but I know it does not hold that old lifestyle. I am different, I have changed, and knowing that is very powerful.
That brings up another question I had. How do I "count" my weight loss this time 'round? Do I continue on from before from 233.8 pounds, where I was when I started way back when? Or do I start anew and count up (or down?) from 199? I think I've decided to start anew. When I went back to WW when baby #1 was still a baby I continued from before and I don't think that was helpful psychologically. So now I have a goal of losing 44 pounds altogether, which would put me at 155. I need to hop on the body fat scale soon so I can think about that too in terms of fitness. This really is a fresh start!
Before I wrap up I want to share some atta girl's I had these past few days. You already know about my walk on Thursday. I've thought back to that walk and how nice it was and how, now more than ever, every little thing I can do helps. I used to struggle with thinking if I didn't do my full gym workout exercise didn't "count" somehow. Now with the kids I really need to squeeze in every bit of movement I can. We went to a street fair this weekend and when we got there I thought, "we should have rode our bikes here". My other feat was making it to the gym yesterday. I had a very nice workout. 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15-20 minutes on the treadmill. I mostly walked but did three 1-minute jogs. I was really surprised I could jog at all. I'm starting fresh but not that fresh, thank goodness. Last night I put the c25k podcast back on my ipod. I looked at Week 1. It's a jog/walk cycle of jog 1 minute/walk 90 seconds. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet but I think I'll just give it a go and see how it goes. Maybe I'll surprise myself. Anyway, after the cardio I did chest and triceps. I could feel my abs twinge when I was rolling around on the floor with my son last night and my chest muscles are a bit sore this morning but nothing too bad. The trainer had said my ab muscles were my weakest area and I think he's right. And I need my core to be strong picking up my kids. 35 pounds of toddler is no joke!
Every opportunity to eat is an opportunity to eat well. Or it should be anyway. Do you like that complete lack of segue (you mean it's not spelled segway?)? If it's not an opportunity to eat well, i.e. when it's a pile of fun size m&m's I randomly encountered, maybe it's not really an opportunity to eat. Maybe it's just bad luck.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Mad Muscles and Good Old Fashioned Willpower
In my last post I was excited after my first visit to a gym in probably at least a year. The next morning I wasn't so excited. Ouch! Mostly my legs hurt but my abs were also letting me know they weren't happy. I remembered that these things are always worse on the second day so I set my mind to dealing with the discomfort and walking funny for a couple of days. I'd gone to the gym on Monday and today is Thursday. I'm starting to get back to normal, but not there yet.
So since Monday I've been focused mostly on my eating habits. My willpower muscle was just as weak as the rest of 'em so I've been strengthening it this week by resisting temptation at every opportunity. I've resisted deserts and snacks at work almost daily. I've eaten bananas and apples instead (I kind of forgot about apples if you can imagine that). I had a chance to have oatmeal when I wasn't hungry and passed, even though I love it. Tonight we went out to dinner and I subbed roasted veggies for french fries. I tried to order something that wasn't too bad, but with restaurants these days you never know.
I've also had a few things I regret. I ate a handful of chips today at lunch that I didn't need, I had coffee with cream mid-morning when I usually stick to only my morning cup and I...wait, I can't think of anything else. Don't get me wrong, there have been a lot of less than good choices but nothing else I actually regret. I am going easy on myself at this point. I know if I get crazy now I won't last. I'm in for the long haul, despite not being able to think about the long haul without wanting to give up before I start. So my mental muscle, willpower, is getting some work. Will + Power. I like that.
Back to the physical. Tonight I took a walk after we got the kids to bed. Very leisurely, maybe around 40 minutes. I just mapped it and it looks like it was 1.8 miles or so. Anyway, the walk was really nice. The summer evening and some good music made for a great mental break too. It's easy to forget all the psychological benefits of exercise. My legs were hurting a bit and I got a weird pain in my foot that went away after a while, my shins also let me know that I'd better not push my luck. I didn't care how fast or slow I was walking, it was just about getting out there. Oh, and also about hoping I could somewhat offset what was probably a high calorie dinner.
So my first "weigh-in" is tomorrow. I'm tempering my expectations. I hope not to gain but have tried to prepare myself for that. The body can be a weird thing, I could be retaining water due to my sore muscles or who knows what. I think I would be ok with staying the same, and of course a loss would be nice. But if I learned anything in my losing 75 pounds it's that what happens on the scale is really a small part of the story. Let's hope I'm singing this same song tomorrow!
'night all!
So since Monday I've been focused mostly on my eating habits. My willpower muscle was just as weak as the rest of 'em so I've been strengthening it this week by resisting temptation at every opportunity. I've resisted deserts and snacks at work almost daily. I've eaten bananas and apples instead (I kind of forgot about apples if you can imagine that). I had a chance to have oatmeal when I wasn't hungry and passed, even though I love it. Tonight we went out to dinner and I subbed roasted veggies for french fries. I tried to order something that wasn't too bad, but with restaurants these days you never know.
I've also had a few things I regret. I ate a handful of chips today at lunch that I didn't need, I had coffee with cream mid-morning when I usually stick to only my morning cup and I...wait, I can't think of anything else. Don't get me wrong, there have been a lot of less than good choices but nothing else I actually regret. I am going easy on myself at this point. I know if I get crazy now I won't last. I'm in for the long haul, despite not being able to think about the long haul without wanting to give up before I start. So my mental muscle, willpower, is getting some work. Will + Power. I like that.
Back to the physical. Tonight I took a walk after we got the kids to bed. Very leisurely, maybe around 40 minutes. I just mapped it and it looks like it was 1.8 miles or so. Anyway, the walk was really nice. The summer evening and some good music made for a great mental break too. It's easy to forget all the psychological benefits of exercise. My legs were hurting a bit and I got a weird pain in my foot that went away after a while, my shins also let me know that I'd better not push my luck. I didn't care how fast or slow I was walking, it was just about getting out there. Oh, and also about hoping I could somewhat offset what was probably a high calorie dinner.
So my first "weigh-in" is tomorrow. I'm tempering my expectations. I hope not to gain but have tried to prepare myself for that. The body can be a weird thing, I could be retaining water due to my sore muscles or who knows what. I think I would be ok with staying the same, and of course a loss would be nice. But if I learned anything in my losing 75 pounds it's that what happens on the scale is really a small part of the story. Let's hope I'm singing this same song tomorrow!
'night all!
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Plan - as it stands today
I went to my new gym today for the first time and had my complimentary training session. I got there a little early so I had time to warm up on the treadmill. I tell you, I was feeling quite scared about what I would be able, or not able to do. I started out at 1 incline and 1.5mph. Ok, that was slooooow. I worked my way up, over about 5 minutes, to 3.2mph and that felt comfortable for a start. "I can still walk!". I know that sounds silly but that was what I was thinking. I feel so very out of shape that I was afraid my legs would cramp up or my heart would beat out of my chest after just a few minutes. Nope, all was fine. I felt good enough that I think I can start the Couch to 5k Running Plan right away. Just like the last time I did it I plan to go slow and repeat weeks as many times as needed until I feel ready to advance.
But the truth is I can't think much past where I am today. If I start down that path I end up with a negative feeling of "I can't do it," so I just stop. Anyway, back to the gym - I ended up walking about 11 minutes before trainer guy arrived, we'll call him Ken (he looked like a Ken, can't remember his name).
He asked me what I wanted to do so I gave him my thoughts. A 45 minute workout, all cardio to start and mix in weight training down the road. After a very brief discussion that plan was out and a plan of both cardio and weight training was agreed upon. I probably knew all along this is the way to go but was scared, quite frankly, to lift weights after so much inactivity.
Next was I told Ken about my past fitness feats but didn't feel the need to tell him the whole story right from the start. So I just started at "I used to be fit and then I had two kids." Which is true, right? I didn't need to go over the whole 75 pound weight loss and my psychological issues related to food and exercise, etc. It felt good, like I'd moved on from the fat person identity, as if, "I'm a fit person in a temporarily un-fit body, help, please."
We went around the gym and he showed me various exercises I could do that would be good for a 45 - 60 minute workout. I had a few favorites, one was on a stability ball.
What I really like about this is the dual attention to the chest press and core fitness as well. Being under a time crunch (no pun intended) means any multi-tasking is a good thing.
The other thing I like were these bent knee raises that you do while you are sitting on the very edge of a bench with your back leaned back. They were tough but felt good in that, "Oh, that hurts...let's do more of those" sort of way.
So, there you have it, I think I have a plan for the gym. I'll go 3-4 times a week and do cardio (c25k) followed by weight training (different areas each visit). Ken was very encouraging, told me my body would come back faster than I realize and that I still have a lot of strength and my weight lifting techniques are very good. It was a very nice confidence boost. Let's see if I can follow through with action.
I've been changing my eating, day by day, nothing drastic, just trying to nudge my brain and behaviors out of some new (old) bad habits. When I want to pick up a candy bar at checkout I tell myself, "All that's over now, we're getting back on track." Or something like, "You're going somewhere and that candy bar won't help you get there." The resisting of urges, exerting some self control, it feels familiar, feels good. Not as good as cheesecake feels, of course, but good. Today at lunch there was cheesecake and I think I missed half of what my colleague was saying resisting that cheesecake with a barrage of self talk. I resisted it at the counter (we eat lunch cafeteria style and it's free!) and then I really wanted to ask my colleague for a bite of hers but I didn't. Small victories, right?
I think my stomach is shrinking some, I'm not hungry 24/7 like I was when I first started to scale down the food intake but it's still bigger than I'd like. Still no plans to return to Weight Watchers, though that too may be in my future. I'll just have to see how things go and what feels right.
Ok, finally - the big news. My weight. Oh how I'd like to pretend that tracking my weight was never part of this blog and that I don't need to post how much I weigh. It's bad but with a bit of good. Are you ready for this? I weigh 199 pounds. In the morning. With no clothes on. My weigh-in day will be Friday. If you haven't already figured it out the 'small bit of good' is that I am under 200. Staying that way is definitely motivating.
I could go on and on about all that lies ahead and all that's swirling around in my head but it's late and I'm pooped. I did two sets of squats at the gym. Please send positive thoughts my way that I can walk tomorrow! And, as always, thank you so much for your support. This blog, I think it's become an anchor for me. If you weren't here I think I'd still write but it would be nowhere near as helpful. Thank you!!!
But the truth is I can't think much past where I am today. If I start down that path I end up with a negative feeling of "I can't do it," so I just stop. Anyway, back to the gym - I ended up walking about 11 minutes before trainer guy arrived, we'll call him Ken (he looked like a Ken, can't remember his name).
He asked me what I wanted to do so I gave him my thoughts. A 45 minute workout, all cardio to start and mix in weight training down the road. After a very brief discussion that plan was out and a plan of both cardio and weight training was agreed upon. I probably knew all along this is the way to go but was scared, quite frankly, to lift weights after so much inactivity.
Next was I told Ken about my past fitness feats but didn't feel the need to tell him the whole story right from the start. So I just started at "I used to be fit and then I had two kids." Which is true, right? I didn't need to go over the whole 75 pound weight loss and my psychological issues related to food and exercise, etc. It felt good, like I'd moved on from the fat person identity, as if, "I'm a fit person in a temporarily un-fit body, help, please."
We went around the gym and he showed me various exercises I could do that would be good for a 45 - 60 minute workout. I had a few favorites, one was on a stability ball.
What I really like about this is the dual attention to the chest press and core fitness as well. Being under a time crunch (no pun intended) means any multi-tasking is a good thing.The other thing I like were these bent knee raises that you do while you are sitting on the very edge of a bench with your back leaned back. They were tough but felt good in that, "Oh, that hurts...let's do more of those" sort of way.
So, there you have it, I think I have a plan for the gym. I'll go 3-4 times a week and do cardio (c25k) followed by weight training (different areas each visit). Ken was very encouraging, told me my body would come back faster than I realize and that I still have a lot of strength and my weight lifting techniques are very good. It was a very nice confidence boost. Let's see if I can follow through with action.
I've been changing my eating, day by day, nothing drastic, just trying to nudge my brain and behaviors out of some new (old) bad habits. When I want to pick up a candy bar at checkout I tell myself, "All that's over now, we're getting back on track." Or something like, "You're going somewhere and that candy bar won't help you get there." The resisting of urges, exerting some self control, it feels familiar, feels good. Not as good as cheesecake feels, of course, but good. Today at lunch there was cheesecake and I think I missed half of what my colleague was saying resisting that cheesecake with a barrage of self talk. I resisted it at the counter (we eat lunch cafeteria style and it's free!) and then I really wanted to ask my colleague for a bite of hers but I didn't. Small victories, right?
I think my stomach is shrinking some, I'm not hungry 24/7 like I was when I first started to scale down the food intake but it's still bigger than I'd like. Still no plans to return to Weight Watchers, though that too may be in my future. I'll just have to see how things go and what feels right.
Ok, finally - the big news. My weight. Oh how I'd like to pretend that tracking my weight was never part of this blog and that I don't need to post how much I weigh. It's bad but with a bit of good. Are you ready for this? I weigh 199 pounds. In the morning. With no clothes on. My weigh-in day will be Friday. If you haven't already figured it out the 'small bit of good' is that I am under 200. Staying that way is definitely motivating.
I could go on and on about all that lies ahead and all that's swirling around in my head but it's late and I'm pooped. I did two sets of squats at the gym. Please send positive thoughts my way that I can walk tomorrow! And, as always, thank you so much for your support. This blog, I think it's become an anchor for me. If you weren't here I think I'd still write but it would be nowhere near as helpful. Thank you!!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Stretching Out My Wings
I am almost hesitant to write this post. But if this blog has taught me anything it's that putting things in writing can sometimes make them more real. This is not "I'm back!" but more like "I'm on my way"...I hope. I'll start with some recent events that got this ball rolling.
I am part of a mother's club and we had our annual Mother's Social in May. The party includes a raffle with a ton of awesome prizes. One of them was a fitness package that included a full year membership to a gym that is probably five minutes from my office and ten minutes from home. I really wanted to win that prize. I put some raffle tickets in for a lot of other items but put most of my tickets in that basket. When the raffle was just about to close I ran and bought 15 more tickets and put them all in that basket. I'd had a few glasses of wine and was feeling pretty spiffy and I was going around telling everyone that if I won that prize it was "because God wants me to work out!". I also pointed out one of the hottest mom's there and claimed I'd be wearing her dress to the party next year. Ha! Well, you guessed it, I won the fitness package. I won!
Over the following weeks I started to get my head around the fact that one of my remaining excuses, finances, was no longer an excuse. I have a gym membership for a full year. I didn't want it to go to waste so I spent a few weeks readying my mind, and my gear, for the gym. I dug out my gym bag, found my ipod, and tried to pick out the least unattractive workout clothes.
Things I will try to keep in mind in the coming weeks...
1. Stay in the moment. You are starting back to working out, don't compare yourself to where you were.
2. Slow and steady is the way to go. It will be a challenge at first but I know from experience it will eventually get easier and the fun will come.
3. I am doing this for myself. I feel better when I am in good shape. I enjoy being fit and active.
4. No giving up. I want to get all I can out of this year membership and giving up would not accomplish that.
5. Hydrate.
I'm sure there's a lot more to add to this but for now it's a fair start.
Maybe you're wondering about Weight Watchers. I am too. I understand they read my blog and finally came around to my way of thinking on a few things. I hear the new plan includes unlimited fruit. That's a good one. Who got fat on too many apples? Or bananas for that matter. And the Points have been re-worked? I haven't been to a meeting since the change so I don't know the details but what I've heard, I like. Still, I'm going to start slow for now and just do this gym thing for a bit and see where that goes. Maybe I'll add WW back into the mix down the road. When I started in '07 it was the other way around so this seems fitting somehow.
I'll mention one last thing before this entry gets to be too much. We had some friends over last weekend (Hi Wendy and Victor!!). Wendy is in training for her first event ever - a marathon! Who starts with a marathon?! That's Wendy. She goes for it and it's awe inspiring. Victor is about to do his first triathlon. He's doing the one I did for my first time (and 2nd, and 3rd...), the Tri for Fun in Pleasanton. All the shop talk about training runs, bilateral breathing and planning for transitions got me excited. I want to do events again. I love this stuff. Victor told me that reading my blog way back when was a "if she can do it so can I" inspiration and was one of the things got him thinking about tri's. All I can say is I was really glad to have them over and share in their enthusiasm. I am hoping we can all do an event together next year.
Alright, well I'm wrapping this up. I plan to start blogging again as this was always a help to me. With two little ones I'm not sure what the frequency will be like but I hope to not be back here in several months saying, 'sorry it's been so long!'.
Thank you for all the nice comments about my little chickens. Of course I am loving them more than anything. Any time my mind gets too negative on the body image I remind myself that I made two humans in the past couple of years and to slow down on the trash-talking. I'm closing with a family picture from a recent nature walk.
p.s. I am going to weigh myself in the morning and that will be my current weight. Can't go with the dreaded evening weight :) Some things never change. When you see my weight you'll appreciate even more why I want the morning weight!
I am part of a mother's club and we had our annual Mother's Social in May. The party includes a raffle with a ton of awesome prizes. One of them was a fitness package that included a full year membership to a gym that is probably five minutes from my office and ten minutes from home. I really wanted to win that prize. I put some raffle tickets in for a lot of other items but put most of my tickets in that basket. When the raffle was just about to close I ran and bought 15 more tickets and put them all in that basket. I'd had a few glasses of wine and was feeling pretty spiffy and I was going around telling everyone that if I won that prize it was "because God wants me to work out!". I also pointed out one of the hottest mom's there and claimed I'd be wearing her dress to the party next year. Ha! Well, you guessed it, I won the fitness package. I won!
Over the following weeks I started to get my head around the fact that one of my remaining excuses, finances, was no longer an excuse. I have a gym membership for a full year. I didn't want it to go to waste so I spent a few weeks readying my mind, and my gear, for the gym. I dug out my gym bag, found my ipod, and tried to pick out the least unattractive workout clothes.
Things I will try to keep in mind in the coming weeks...
1. Stay in the moment. You are starting back to working out, don't compare yourself to where you were.
2. Slow and steady is the way to go. It will be a challenge at first but I know from experience it will eventually get easier and the fun will come.
3. I am doing this for myself. I feel better when I am in good shape. I enjoy being fit and active.
4. No giving up. I want to get all I can out of this year membership and giving up would not accomplish that.
5. Hydrate.
I'm sure there's a lot more to add to this but for now it's a fair start.
Maybe you're wondering about Weight Watchers. I am too. I understand they read my blog and finally came around to my way of thinking on a few things. I hear the new plan includes unlimited fruit. That's a good one. Who got fat on too many apples? Or bananas for that matter. And the Points have been re-worked? I haven't been to a meeting since the change so I don't know the details but what I've heard, I like. Still, I'm going to start slow for now and just do this gym thing for a bit and see where that goes. Maybe I'll add WW back into the mix down the road. When I started in '07 it was the other way around so this seems fitting somehow.
I'll mention one last thing before this entry gets to be too much. We had some friends over last weekend (Hi Wendy and Victor!!). Wendy is in training for her first event ever - a marathon! Who starts with a marathon?! That's Wendy. She goes for it and it's awe inspiring. Victor is about to do his first triathlon. He's doing the one I did for my first time (and 2nd, and 3rd...), the Tri for Fun in Pleasanton. All the shop talk about training runs, bilateral breathing and planning for transitions got me excited. I want to do events again. I love this stuff. Victor told me that reading my blog way back when was a "if she can do it so can I" inspiration and was one of the things got him thinking about tri's. All I can say is I was really glad to have them over and share in their enthusiasm. I am hoping we can all do an event together next year.
Alright, well I'm wrapping this up. I plan to start blogging again as this was always a help to me. With two little ones I'm not sure what the frequency will be like but I hope to not be back here in several months saying, 'sorry it's been so long!'.
Thank you for all the nice comments about my little chickens. Of course I am loving them more than anything. Any time my mind gets too negative on the body image I remind myself that I made two humans in the past couple of years and to slow down on the trash-talking. I'm closing with a family picture from a recent nature walk.
p.s. I am going to weigh myself in the morning and that will be my current weight. Can't go with the dreaded evening weight :) Some things never change. When you see my weight you'll appreciate even more why I want the morning weight!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
A Quick Hello
I was just doing something very strange. Reading my own blog. I sent someone the link and it caused me to lose a few minutes reading some of my old entries. Can I inspire myself with my own blog? Ha! Anyway, I started feeling bad about not posting since...November?! So a quick hello, how are ya? I'm hanging in there. As far as weight loss/health go I still have a bandwagon with my name on it somewhere. I have not gained back all the weight I lost and I am thinking a lot about how to get back into it now that I am nearly done breastfeeding #2. I will post more once that happens. For now, a picture of my wee ones.
This is the only picture I can find with all four of us right now, though it's several months old.
These are my two little angels this past Sunday. All dressed up for Easter and Mr. Marek spills water on himself before I can snap a picture. Ahh, toddlers! Marek turned two in March and Myra is nearly 8 months.
Could I love this little girl any more?
These two are a little older. I think I took them around the winter holidays. But I just love them so much I wanted to share anyway.
I just realized something as I was posting these pictures. I may be 40 pounds heavier than I was but I have two little kids to show for it and that's the best excuse I've ever had. It won't hold water forever though..."I just had a baby" only lasts so long as your baby is still a baby ;)
This is the only picture I can find with all four of us right now, though it's several months old.
These are my two little angels this past Sunday. All dressed up for Easter and Mr. Marek spills water on himself before I can snap a picture. Ahh, toddlers! Marek turned two in March and Myra is nearly 8 months.
Could I love this little girl any more?
These two are a little older. I think I took them around the winter holidays. But I just love them so much I wanted to share anyway.
I just realized something as I was posting these pictures. I may be 40 pounds heavier than I was but I have two little kids to show for it and that's the best excuse I've ever had. It won't hold water forever though..."I just had a baby" only lasts so long as your baby is still a baby ;)
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