Motivated by a Gain

Two weeks in a row I made it to meetings, which means I'm continuing to meet the goal I set for myself. I say that to remind myself of the goal, as it's so easy to get ahead of myself. Anyway, the big news is I gained weight. Of course I did, why wouldn't I? Not following the plan, eating a bunch of chocolate and what not. This is not behavior that leads to weight loss. Good thing that wasn't my goal :) But a gain makes an impression. The main thing is that I don't want to have more pounds to lose later. I don't mind maintaining but gaining is going backwards and I don't want to be going backwards. I gained 1.4 pounds.

What to do what to do. The talk this week focused on tracking, emphasizing that just by tracking alone we tend to do better in our eating. So I'm going to make an effort to track this week. The leader and I were talking about how I'm just back for meetings, not following the program yet, and she said, "Well, you're more likely to start following the program sooner than if you weren't coming." That's so true.

A gain is motivating. A gain says, "What are you doing Michelle?". A gain reminds me that more food + no exercise = more weight. And what does more weight translate into? More weight = less healthy. Less healthy is not good. So what did this weight gain motivate me to do?


Yep, I joined a gym! I did a little research and decided on the local YMCA. They have two facilities I can use, a small gym-only facility near my house and a large one with a pool, racquetball, basketball, rock wall, etc, etc about 10 minutes away. Both have childcare. For baby and I it's $84 bucks a month. Ouch. But I spend that much on Internet & Netflix so it only makes sense I could spend that much on my health.

After signing up I headed in to try out the old body on some cardio machines. I forgot my headphones :( I got on an elliptical and did 15 minutes. Ouch. Then I switched to the treadmill and did 15 minutes there @ 3.5mph. Ouch again. The body just ain't working like it used to. I burned 250 calories. My mind wandered around thinking about how much I used to be able to do, how fast I used to be able to go, how I could push myself hard and it felt good. STOP! You are where you are. You had a baby for crying out loud. This is the body that made your son and it is what it is.

One good thing about aging is that I care less and less what others think. My gym clothes were kind of tight, I was slow as molasses on the elliptical, and I was like a kid on the first day of school not knowing where to sign up for machines and all that. I didn't really care and that was nice. But one thing I did care about was the pain my boobs were in. Breastfeeding boobs are big and when they bounce it hurts! I need to wear a super tight sports bra so they are locked in tight.

After my gym excursion I'm not sure about signing up for the June 20th tri. Might just wait until the second or third one (they do three a year). I want to feel good and have fun, not push myself early and have a negative experience. The first one doesn't usually sell out so I can decide at the last minute if I want.

On the baby front, Marek is doing well. The big thing is he's starting to smile! It's SO friggin' cute. I need to try to get a picture of it. Sleep is elusive, poor Miguel got very little of it last night. I'm going to give him the night off tonight. Marek's gaining weight at a healthy pace, I'm still adjusting to my new life, trying to stay positive, and trying not to think about the return to work. How do people do this? One thing I have to prioritize is fitness. I imagine it's so easy to put that at the bottom of the list when you have a child but I'm telling myself it's the foundation for everything else I do. Without fitness, everything else is harder.

A Hot Weekend and a Shady Trail

A heatwave in the middle of April? Yep. It's damn hot! As I said in my last post we were planning a hike. I searched out a hike that was shady and flat. Both Miguel and I are sorely out of shape and we didn't want the baby to be in the sun so shady, flat and...gorgeous were the criteria. I wanted Marek's first hike to be a pretty one, even though he basically hitched a ride on his dad.

We headed out in the afternoon to the Sky Oaks Trailhead in Fairfax and arrived around 3pm. It was still plenty warm out but there was a nice breeze. We can't figure out which lake we walked around...was it Bon Tempe or Lagunitas? We either walked 2.5 miles or 3.5. About 2/3 of the way Marek decided he was hungry so we found a bench near the lake and parked it for a bit. Breastfeeding in the wild like that made me feel like a crunchy granola mom, which, truthfully, I am not.

Here we are! Miguel's carrying Marek in a Baby Bjorn Active and I've got the Camelbak.

This is the bench we were lucky enough to find. That's a happy post-meal Marek.

And even happier hanging out with his dad. Actually, he looks like he's about to throw a jab to his dad's chin!

What a fun afternoon. I think we'll be hitting up this trail again, it's just so perfect. Next time I'll wear my Garmin so we can figure out how far it is and maybe which lake?

Along the trail we ran into a dad pulling his son in a Burley trailer. We've talked about these but were scared the kid'd get hurt if we fell. We chatted with the dad and found out the trailer doesn't tip. These things are not cheap but we're thinking to save up for one. Miguel will definitely be doing the pulling! I'll ride caboose and keep an eye on the LO. Anyway, it'll be a bit before Marek has the muscle to sit up in one of these things so we have time to think it over.

Our next purchase is probably going to be a B.O.B. stroller. A little research is needed to figure out which one but did you know they have a B.O.B. Ironman?! I've heard the front tire being able to swivel is key and I don't know if this one does that or not. These things are not cheap either. How are we ever going to save for college?

On the food front I've been watching what goes into my mouth a tad more than last week. No major changes by any stretch but a few more veggies have worked there way into my meals. Not really tracking at all. it's going to be strange to get on the scale on Friday. I'll likely either be up or down and either will have an effect. I guess we'll see what happens!

And on the fitness front. I'm thinking of signing up for a Tri for Fun. This is the same one I did (twice) last summer. The first one is on June 20th (they do three every summer) and, call me crazy, but from my vantage point (on my couch!) it seems doable. I'd rather not do it alone so if you're up for it let me know! It's only a sprint distance, the swim is a scant 1/4 mile (about 7 minutes), the bike is relatively flat (only one tiny hill) and the run is on a trail (though not flat). Come on, you know you want to! I'm thinking a little tri action will get my ass off the couch and out for some exercise. I'm still a little sore in the abdomen but that shouldn't last much longer. Besides, I can cruise the tri if needed, it's a Tri for Fun after all.

Numbers and What Really Matters

When I started Weight Watchers in February 2007 I weighed:

233.8 pounds

When I got pregnant in June 2008 I weighed:

164.4 pounds

In the weeks following conception I lost some weight and one month later, in July 2008, when I stopped Weight Watchers I weighed:

158.8 pounds

At my 40 week pregnancy appointment on May 13, 2009 I weighed:

198 pounds

Weight gained during pregnancy:

35-40 pounds

Five weeks postpartum, April 17, 2009 I went to a WW meeting and weigh:

178.4 pounds

I am 19.6 pounds over my low weight of 158.8 pounds. I am

28.4 pounds from goal.

The Weight Watchers meeting was good. It was nice to be back and reminded of how all this works. I got the new materials, can't say I really understand how Momentum is different from Flex. I guess you track your hunger and focus on choosing more Core type foods, but otherwise I think it's the same. That's good for me because I liked the Flex plan. I get 34 points a day! Wow! It's 24 based on my weight and an extra 10 for breastfeeding.

I tracked, sort of, what I ate yesterday. I'm going to sort-of track again today. I am eating way too much. That became clear pretty quick. I'm just going to observe for a while. I know just observing has an effect and for right now that's enough.

And lest we forget from whence we came...Since starting Weight Watchers I am still down 55.4 pounds! Fifty-five pounds that I do not have to carry around. Good thing, because I'm realizing how little muscle I have right now. If I had another 55 pounds I might not be able to walk :/ When I carry Marek around with me it's not long before my back is hurting. I have to put a little effort into going up the stairs. All in all, I need to get some strength back.

And that brings me to what really matters. Numbers are interesting but they are not why I do this. Periodically I like to remind myself of the real reasons I want to be in shape.

Reasons Why I Want to be in Shape:

* I want to walk up stairs without effort
* I enjoy others who are healthy and happy. Healthy, happy people are outside doing things too. I won't meet them in my living room.
* I want to feel good in my clothes
* I want to feel good in my body
* I want to have fun! It is not fun! to be sitting on my couch, watching TV and feeling bored. It is fun! to be outside, on adventures...adventuring.
* I enjoy riding my bike really, really far
* I like having cool pictures for my blog :)
* I enjoy events - walks, triathlons, etc
* I want to raise my son in an active lifestyle. Health is a gift that never stops giving. (p.s. I have a son!!)
* I want to live to be a ripe old age but still be able to get around on my own two feet.

To that end, I'm waiting for Miguel to get home because we're going to go on a little hike. The weather here is gorgeous! Gotta get outside and enjoy it. I'll close with a picture from the other day. We gave Marek a bath and afterward Miguel snapped this picture. I just love it.

My New Life

Sara popped in to ask how things are going and if I've signed back up for Weight Watchers yet. On the first question...I'm doing ok. I'm slowly adjusting to my new life as a mom. It's very different. There have been moments when I've wanted my old life back but they are fleeting and usually between midnight and 4am when I'm exhausted and fantasizing about sleep. I sometimes wonder how in the heck I'm supposed to squeeze exercise into this, especially when I go back to work, but then I stop because I know I'm getting ahead of myself. One thing at a time Michelle.

Here's a picture of me the other day after I took a leisurely walk around the neighborhood with Marek in a sling (the Moby wrap I think it's called).


And a super-sweet picture of Marek and Miguel resting on the couch.


A quick baby update. Things are going really well on the whole. I can't really complain, Marek is a sweetheart. We went to see a lactation consultant. This was our second visit with her. Marek is gaining weight just as he should, one ounce per day. He weighs 9 pounds already! So that means breastfeeding is going well. Miguel has been a dream. Couldn't do this without him. And on a super-exciting note, Kristy is coming to town and I get to see her tomorrow! She's going to just love Marek :) Kristy isn't keeping up her blog but she's still doing fabulous, hiking all over Hawaii and having a ball. Now it's her turn to inspire me!

Alright, back to Sara's question. I haven't gone back to Weight Watchers but I think I'm going this Friday. In a funny turn of events I connected with a woman who is also a new mom who I used to go to the same meeting as me. She goes to the Friday morning meeting (if 10:30am counts as morning, which it does for me) so I'm going to join her. This is a larger meeting but the smaller ones are even earlier so that won't work. We'll see how I like it. I think I'm going to sign up for the monthly plan again so I can use the online tracker. I really enjoyed that tool last time.

So I'm down to around 176. At least I was the last time I weighed myself. That was a first-thing-in-the-morning-barely-any-clothes weight on my home scale. I'm expecting to be probably 5 pounds more on the WW scale with clothes and breakfast in my tummy. My scale might be more generous too. Plus I've been eating too much lately so I might even have gained. Wow, I guess I'm really preparing myself to be heavier.

I'm wearing some of my old clothes. Mostly the ones either with elastic waists or ones that I'd shrunk out of but still have, like the size 14's.

I need to get back to meetings, if nothing else but to remind me of my goals. Today was a kind of very bleak day food-wise. I had a morning errand and afterward started thinking about fast food. These things don't always end well. By the time I got home I had a KFC lunch with me (a 3 piece dark meat extra crispy meal with all the fixings, probably one of the highest calorie meals they sell!). So I ate that and a little while later ate the last piece of angel food cake I had with strawberries and whipped cream. As if on some kind of sugar bender I started thinking about the Easter chocolate. Ate a bunch of that. Man, I felt like crap when all was said and done. Even more so because I'm breastfeeding and realize that this is NO WAY to be fueling the body that fuels my baby. So guilt ensues, which isn't good for anyone. I am going to that meeting Friday.

As I said before I'm not committing to more than that at this point. I'll start with meetings and see what naturally develops from there. I'm big on not over-committing myself. I've learned that if I sign up for too much right off the bat, and then don't succeed on all fronts, I risk throwing in the towel altogether. If I add goals one by one, when I feel ready to take the next step, well, things just seem to go so much better. I say this partially to remind myself. It's so tempting to want to go full bore and start saying things like, "If I lose 2 pounds per week for the next 10 weeks I'll be back to my low weight come July." Yeah, that kind of thinking is dangerous for me.

Deadlines are part of the diet mentality. For me they suggest temporary changes. My mantra remains that it's all about maintenance. It's not about losing weight, it's about staying healthy. In the short-term, in the long-term. It's about changes that become habits. Habits that become a way of life. Being a mom is new and will bring a new set of challenges to my fitness/health goals but I know I can merge the two. I'm not sure what it will look like yet but I know this...I'm going to love my new life. Because if I don't I'll make changes until I do.

The Scale Beckons...

So much for staying off the scale for a month! I shoulda known I'd never make it. So a few days ago I noticed that my ankles looked less like a continuation of my calf and a bit like ankles again. That got me to thinking maybe I've lost some of this water weight. That got me to thinking about the scale and next thing ya know...181.2 and 38.5% body fat. So, with a pre-pregnancy weight of 164.8 and a current weight of 181.2 that puts me at -16.4 pounds from my "official" pre-pregnancy weight, and 22.4 pounds from my low of 158.8 pounds. I'll take it!

So the next question is when should I return to Weight Watchers? My plan is to start to meetings and learn the new Momentum program but not put any pressure on myself to actually follow the plan. I'm just going to go to meetings and see what develops naturally. Maybe I won't start following the plan for a few weeks, maybe I'll be inspired and start right away, maybe I'll make incremental changes and sort of slowly start following the plan. I don't know, but I know the only expectation I want in the beginning is to go to meetings. This method worked really well for me when I initially started WW back in February '07. Wow, it's been over two years since I started WW.

I looked up the meetings and my old meeting is gone :( The only one at that location is a 9:30am weekday meeting. 9:30am?! Hmph. Not gonna happen. The only other evening meeting nearby is at a location where the meetings are big. I don't like big meetings, too impersonal. But I guess if I have to choose between 9:30am and big/impersonal it'll be big/impersonal.

I'm going to the doctor on Friday for my postpartum checkup. I suppose this is a good place to get an opinion as to when to start back. The docs there are of varying fitness levels, and this is just based purely on my observing body size, which I know is wrong. On Friday I'm seeing the super-skinny one who wears chic clothing and high heels. I'm guessing she'll tell me to start back right away :) Assumptions are fun aren't they?

Well, looking back over my pregnancy weight gain I am pleased with how things went. In a lot of ways I could have done better, mostly with maintaining a better activity level. The exercise quickly became nearly non-existant. The food was hit and miss. I went through phases with the eating, sometimes out of control, sometimes not. After a while the novelty of eating sort of wore off and in the last trimester I didn't gain as much.

I am more enthusiastic about getting back into shape now that I have a little guy to keep up with. I want to be able to have fun with him and go on adventures and not be held back by being out of shape. I want a hike to be fun and easy, not a challenge. Anyway, he's inspiring me.

Well, it's taken me three days to complete this post. Welcome to my new life I guess, eh? I'll close with a new pic of my little guy :) How sweet is he??!