Thursday, July 12, 2007


I lost 3 pounds this week! It's nice to drop down. I am now 11 pounds away from my "must exercise" weight. I have allowed myself the time to develop the natural desire to exercise but decided that if this natural desire doesn't lead to me exercising than I will force the issue when I drop below 200 pounds. Getting closer. I have been thinking more and more about exercising. Hasn't produced results yet but one thing that's changing is my internal reaction to the thought of exercising. It's no longer, "exercise - yuck!" but "exercise, that sounds like a good idea". Like I said, no results yet but I'm moving in the right direction. I don't want to force the health issue this time, I want to evolve to a place where it is really me just living my internal state. Warning...psychobabble ahead.

I've been working on stuff in therapy for the last year and things have really intensified lately. I've figured out that my weight is really about my wanting to be invisible. I don't want to be seen. I think that becoming comfortable with being seen without feeling exposed and vulnerable will help clear out some of my subconscious reasons for eating. Also, I think that by addressing this "stuff" I will learn to feel my feelings without fear and will no longer rely on food to avoid my feelings. It's not that any of this is conscious but in working on these things in therapy I'm learning more and more how really powerful these subconscious beliefs and ideas are. My husband is so helpful too, he's really helping me to feel safe and grounded. Okay, no more psychobabble for today.

Here's to a wonderful week ahead!!