Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Mommy Guilt

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It's Tuesday and I'm two days into a three day plan to eat clean, at least my definition of clean. It's not been perfect, which of course would have been nice, but it's helping in the ways I was hoping it would so that's good. I'll back up just a bit before I get to the imperfection.

Monday I went to the gym after work and did strength training - chest/triceps/PT exercises. It was the first time I'd done my PT exercises in at least a week and I could almost see Kate's raised eyebrows. The amazing thing is that my back had been practically cured, I haven't taken ibuprofen in at least a couple weeks and hadn't been noticing any back pain at all. 

After the gym I went home to get my bike for my planned 8-mile training ride. Miguel is home with the kids on Monday and they were super excited to see me, I got a nice round of "Mommmyyy!!!" when I walked in the door, quickly followed by hugs and kisses. The guilt of knowing I was only there to change and leave was immediate. I told the kids about my leaving again and they quickly set in with, "I'll go with you." My daughter was particularly persistent, "I got an idea mommy, I'll get my helmet, wait right here I'll go get it, and we'll go together."

Times like that I really question myself...why am I doing this? My daughter was filled with excitement and enthusiasm at seeing me, and I just changed and left. Ugh. Of course I know why, and I have to remind myself that the next 7 weeks of training are not how the other 45 weeks of the year play out. Normally I don't come home until I'm done with my workout. Actually I plan to take my bike and gear on Mondays from now on so I don't come home and cause a disruption by leaving again. It's only going to get worse as the distances get longer - but come 9/29 it will all but be over.

Tuesday was a short run, 15 minutes on the treadmill for 1.69 miles, followed by legs/shoulders/PT exercises. I couldn't do my full run or strength routine because I'd gotten to the gym too late. So I did what I could and considered doing the rest later. Then I met Miguel and the kids at Chinese Food for dinner. I planned on having a tuna/avocado roll (this is a Chinese restaurant with a sushi bar inside) but ended up taking more than a few bites of the food Miguel had ordered (fried rice, sesame chicken, etc). I ate more than I needed to but didn't go crazy with it. And, my back started hurting again. I guess that's what happens when you skip your PT exercises for a week.

My baby babies.
Today was my day home with the kids. I had a doctor appointment this morning and my private practice in the afternoon. The practice is going really well, I only have one slot left open. It's tempting to think about adding more time, especially as I've been contacted about other days/times, but for now I really need to stay balanced given the triathlon training and all.

My eating today was quite commendable until this evening. We are taking a somewhat impromptu camping trip and Miguel was starting to pack and (insert myriad excuses here). Whatever, I ate a bunch of junk. I think I need to pay sharp attention when my routine gets thrown off - that's when I go off the reservation for a while and then I have to struggle and claw my way back. Even if it's for a short time, I'd rather just stay on track all the time. But who wouldn't, right?

Sometimes I think I should be one of those people who cuts out whole food groups altogether. No sugar, no processed this or that, no wheat, no soy - etc. But I know that won't work for me for life, at least I'm not committed to it so that's why it won't work. But on-again off-again in terms of what I will or won't eat isn't easy either (mostly I'm talking processed/junk foods really). Let's hope the camping food choices don't send me spinning for two weeks anyway. Oh my, I'm not sure I'm even making sense at this point. If you're confused, it's me, not you. I better get to bed, it's way too late to be writing.

ps - I went on a bike/tricycle ride with my kids tonight. It was short (on distance, not time), but after Monday, oh so sweet. Looking forward to many more rides with them in the years to come and grateful to have a body and mind that are up for it.

I am a licensed clinical social worker with a private practice offering Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for weight loss and maintenance. I have an office in Marin County, CA and I'm also available to see people via Skype. To learn more please visit my professional website at

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Run, Swim, Shop

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My last post included the sentence, "I'm hoping to get out for a 4 mile run today." Did I get out for it? Come on, you know me better than that, of course I did. But it wasn't easy. By the time Miguel got home from work I felt SO tired, the last thing I wanted to do was go on a run. But I flooded my brain with all the stuff I know works - "You'll feel better after." and "You'll feel like crap later if you bag it." and the always popular, "You ate a lot of junk today, the run will help balance that out." - that all worked to get me changed into my running clothes and the rest was history.

I ran 4 miles in 39:11 for an average pace of 9:47 minute miles. The first mile was slower but I was able to pick it up after that, running the next 3 miles progressively faster. And, as promised, I felt better after. Not just better, but great! And I must have left that tired feeling out on the road somewhere because I felt energized and ready to roll for the rest of the evening.

4 mile training run. Full Garmin stats here.
My food choices the rest of the day weren't stellar, I had some beans and avocado for dinner but then went on to have some of those damn Hawaiian dinner rolls and a bowl of Kashi. Ugh.

Today was a Swim with Pedro day, I was up and on the road with Shelly by 9am. I just got the group picture from last week.

I made it easy to spot me :)
Today's swim was awesome! 62 degrees is right up my alley. This time I went with the group that swims around the inside of the pier. Shelly and I decided to stick together since all the other swimmers are so much faster. The current in the park kept us pushing hard but once we were next to the pier it was a lot easier. We swam out and turned around about half way to the end of the pier. Not sure how long we were in the water.

Here's a picture to give you an idea of our route in Aquatic Park.

I felt so good changing out of my wetsuit into my warm clothes. My feet were numb again but not as bad as last week. I was done changing when someone called my name, "Michelle?...I read your blog." How fun! Ariel is from the East Bay and has been following my blog for about 6 months. So fun to meet a reader in real life I had to take a picture with her.

Hi Ariel!!
Turns out Ariel is doing the AquaBike event at the same Santa Cruz Triathlon I'm doing - so cool!!

Feeling good and done with our swim Shelly and I ran to Sports Basement to do a little tri shopping. I've been wanting a transition bag. I tried to buy some from Craigslist but had no luck. Shelly just got one by Blue Seventy that she loves so I got that one.

Love my new transition bag!
This purchase has been a long time coming. I'm like a real triathlete now! It will be fun to take this thing to Santa Cruz.

So I had a nice plan to come home and make a healthy sandwich for lunch. I'm thinking about finishing up my 7-day clean eating thing I started way back when and didn't finish. I still owe myself 3 days and I think it's warranted now given all the dinner rolls and whatnot. Anyway, the kids were still playing at the soccer field and I was starving so I bought two pupusas (cheese and zucchini - at least there were veggies!) and had those for lunch. Yum! And I might have had some of the kids' goldfish crackers. I think the 3-day clean eating will have to start now.

Ok, that's all I got. The training plan calls for an 8-mile bike tomorrow. Looking forward to the wind in my face again, it was so nice last week. So happy to be triathloning once again, I love the multi-sport!!

I am a licensed clinical social worker with a private practice offering Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for weight loss and maintenance. I have an office in Marin County, CA and I'm also available to see people via Skype. To learn more please visit my professional website at