Sunday, December 30, 2007

I squat, therefore I am

Still have a lingering cold but I popped some DayQuil this morning and made it to the gym this afternoon.

About a month ago I had a session with the trainer. He showed me how to do squats and put them in my weight training routine. Problem was, I couldn't do one. Not even one. So he showed me a modified one where I squat to sit on a bench except don't actually sit on the bench but stand back up right before touching it.

Well, today I did a squat! I was shocked. I tried to do one and voila! I went on to do 3 sets of 8. Amazing! I was so proud of myself, secretly grinning inside the entire time I was doing them. To be honest I don't know where the strength came from because this is the first time I did a lower body weight training day since he showed me the bench compromise. It must be from the bike riding. Lord knows that bike makes my thighs burn.

By the way, you know what's a good song for getting you pumped up? "U+ur hand" by Pink. Ok, maybe it only gets women pumped up, but the music and course of the song had me rocking out today while on the stationary upright.

I am so glad my cold is going away, it was zapping my energy and my motivation. There have been so many times in the past when a cold would be enough to throw me off my whole routine and I thought about that constantly over the last few days. Each day I made the decision not to work out was a neurotic mess of, "Am I not working out because I'm sick or because I'm falling off the wagon?". I asked anyone who had even a remote amount of fitness/health knowledge what I should do (and of course got varied answers from YES, workout! to NO, rest!). Yesterday I was really on the fence but when I felt pooped in the afternoon I decided to skip it. So far, I'm glad I did. The gym was great fun today and I was so happy to be there. That's the kind of association I want my mind to have with the gym.

I go to the gym because I want to, because it feels good, because I enjoy having a healthy, strong, functional body that allows me to do the things I want to do.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Under the Weather

I have a cold. It sucks. I lost two pounds this week. yay. That's a whimper of a yay because I feel crappy. But yay anyway!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Hiking on Christmas Day! @ Mt. Tamalpais State Park

I wanted to go hiking today, seemed like a nice idea on Christmas day. Plus it was a beautiful day here in Northern California. I picked a hike, 5.4 miles on Mt. Tamalpais. It was rated at 6 difficulty on a 1-10 scale with a 800' elevation gain. Seemed reasonable. But, whew! It KICKED MY A$$ during some parts. Plus, it took longer than we expected and we got back to the car at dark. That was a close call. One of the reasons I want to get in shape is to go on adventures, and this was one. We had a great day. Here's a picture.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Moving in the right direction.

I lost .4 pounds last week. Did you see the point just in front of the 4? Not much, but a loss. I know why it's not parties and alcohol! I think it was worth it. I also started TTOTM the day after I weighed in, so maybe I was a bit bloated too?

The best news is I went to the gym every day the rest of the week and reached my goal of going 5 times in a week! On Friday I worked late, until about 6:30pm, and was on my way home. I called Miguel and when he asked if I was going to the gym..."no, I'm tired and it's late." I realized a few miles from home being tired and it being late were no reasons to skip, and that I actually sort of felt up for a workout. I went and as I waltzed out to my car afterward I felt very good about my decision. Yesterday I also went, and that made 5 days. I'm sure going tomorrow because I hate starting the week with a gym deficit. Plus weekend gym visits are nice.

I'm back to the 5 minute intervals on the bike (between levels 2 & 3, in the event anyone is following my tedious explanations of my stationary bike tribulations). Today my heart rate barely got up to 160 when on level 3. I can't wait, cannot wait, until level 3 is as easy as level 2.

I need to get better at eating on the weekends though. I have a habit of having coffee and cereal and then don't eat for most of the day until dinner. Working out with so little fuel midday doens't work out so well (no pun intended).

I did weight training for the first time today. I did upper body and core work. It felt nice to be lifting weights again. I did 15 min on the elliptical and then weights and then 30 minutes on the bike. I don't like cardio after weights and I think I'll do all cardio and then weights, finishing up with stretching. Rest assured I'll keep you posted

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Change is Hard.

Yesterday in the afternoon at work I started feeling nauseous. I had a 7pm appt so I decided to skip my workout and go home until the appt. After the appt I felt better so I worked out.

Today, started feeling nauseous again. 100% not-pregnant if you were wondering. But who knows why? I don't.

Anyway, I was feeling really tired too, yawning all afternoon (then realized I never finished my morning coffee, so I think that's why I was so tired all day). I was trying to push myself to go to the gym, telling myself I had to go, etc. Then I asked a co-worker what she thought. She said, "you know, when I feel that way I don't go. I want the gym to be something I want to do, if I force myself to go when I'm feeling like you are I start to hate it."

That was the most perfect thing to hear. I'm trying so hard to change my attitude toward the gym and then I get this black & white thinking, like I have to go. I've missed one day this week (hangover on Sunday) and if I miss today but go the rest of the week I'll reach my goal of going 5 times this week. But I've also allowed that some weeks I will only go 4 times and that's okay.

I'm still working on that stationary bike. I'm up to 10 min sustained on level 3 two times in 30 minutes. But it's HARD. My heart-rate got up to 167. So I do 5 min Level 2, 10 min Level 3, 5 @ 2 and then 10 @ 3. I met with the trainer again. It went much better this time and he split my routine up into upper and lower body like I wanted.

Anyway, I want to feel good about my choices, and start to think differently, not this on-or-off mentality I've had for so many years. So, weigh-in tomorrow. Let's hope the three holiday parties don't stop me from losing at least a little this week.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Seriously, how good does this feel??

It feels friggin' awesome!! I am below 200 pounds! I am lower than I was when I finished Body for Life a couple of years ago. I lost 3 pounds this week. I'm so happy but I need more time for it to sink in. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, etc.

I've been exercising 5 times a week, working out pretty hard. I want to avoid burning myself out though, like I think I did with BFL. Any suggestions?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Grateful for my body!

Another great day at the gym yesterday. I again increased the work on the stationary bike. I alternated between Level 2 and Level 3 every 5 minutes. I could barely do Level 3 for one minute the first time I rode it, now I can do 5 straight, 3 times! And my heart rate is not getting up as high. So, I did 15 min on Level 2 and 15 on Level 3. My current goal is the whole 1/2 hour on Level 3. I think I'm going to stick with this pattern until I feel I've mastered it before I up what I ask of my body too quickly. I am so impressed with it though, seems to be responding to the bike much faster than I would have thought.

On a different note, I purchased a Christmas party dress. It's different than anything I would have worn last year! It's a red halter dress and I'm going to wear it with a black gauze-type shawl. I'll post pics after the party next weekend. I bought a Spanx (I bet the ladies know what this is) to smooth out my tummy. I'm so excited!!

Speaking of pics, here's one taken as I was leaving for the gym yesterday. Can you tell I'm losing weight? Miguel LOVES the double peace sign so I did it just for him.

Hope you all have a fabulous week!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Food for Thought

Lost 2.8 at WI this evening. Feeling pretty good! I'm .4 pounds away from dropping under 200 pounds. It's been too many years since I've been under 200. I think I was in the 190's when I met my husband 6 years ago. Next week I'll be there for sure!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I will get there eventually...

So here's how I'm doing the upright stationary bike:

min 1-5: Level 2
min 5-10: alternating minute-by-minute between Level 2 & Level 3
min 10-15: Level 2
min 15-20: alternating again
min 20-25: Level 2
min 25-30: alternating again

The bike nearly kills me, sometimes my heart rate gets up to 167! This is after 30 minutes on the elliptical and my thighs buuuurrrn on the bike. On the elliptical I alternate between going forward and backward (I switch every minute) so that works the thighs too. I cool down with a 5 minute walk at the end of all this madness.

I haven't hit the weights at all. I had that initial training session and since have just been doing cardio. I guess I'm not ready? I like weights but right now the cardio is wiping me out. We'll see I guess. I think I'll meet with the trainer and have him revamp the weight training program to something quick that I can do after cardio but that won't take an hour.

Whew! I am excited to go to weigh-in tomorrow (always feel like a heifer when I write that) at weight watchers. I wonder how much I've lost this week. I'm pretty excited at the prospect of dropping below 200 pounds. When I did BFL at the end of '05 I peaked at about 203 or so. When the BFL 12 week cycle was over I dropped everything and promptly gained the weight back. As I keep saying, this time my weight loss is really about maintenance and not about loss. I don't want to do this again.

I got on my (probably grossly inaccurate but close-enough for me) Tanika body fat scale the other day. It said 43%. Hey, less than 50%.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Yep, it's my birthday. My purse was stolen in Nicaragua and for my birthday I've recouped most of my losses. Miguel bought me a new camera, mom's getting me new sunglasses and my girlfriends bought me a new wallet. Yay!

For Christmas I asked for a new bike seat, the wide cushy ones since I can no longer (at least not right now) handle the tiny one. It's not that my a$$ is too big (which it is, really) but that I'm not used to that hard, tiny seat and it hurts

I'm spending time on the upright stationary bike at the gym now to work up endurance so I can ride the real thing more. Last night I did 30 minutes! I don't think I could have done that several weeks ago. I did 5 min on level 2, then alternated minute for minute between 2 & 3 for five minutes, then back to 2 for five, then alternated get the idea. I know I'm going to need to maintain level 5 for 30 minutes before I can really tackle anything beyond flat road on my bike. But yay! Part of my getting fit this time 'round is so much about wanting to do things I can't do right now, like go mountain biking.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my birthday. Think of me often and send money

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Okay, I might celebrate a little :)

Over 30 pounds gone! Running out to dinner (not to celebrate, just because my husband invited me)... grilled fish here I come!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Up, up and away!

I made it to the gym 5 times this week. Not yet on a regular routine of weight training. I prefer to do cardio and weights every time I go to the gym, switching between upper body and lower body. But the trainer gave me a full body workout and told me to do it Mon, Wed and Fri and do cardio on alternating days. I didn't protest as I should have. I like to do cardio every time I go to the gym, it's how I get "up" for weights. Anyway, I need to sit down and split the exercises up. Next time we meet I'll let him know.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Balancing Act.

So after my training session I wasn't able to work out for 2 days, I had to skip Tue and Wed due to pain in my legs They were still sore yesterday (T-day) but I was determined to go. I really wanted to balance out the Thanksgiving food. I did 45 min cardio and once my legs were warmed up they did alright. Then I did some upper body weight training. I ran out of time and had some pain walking down the stairs but all-in-all I was damn happy I went.

I don't know what to say about my eating. I think I did fair but not great. At one point I told myself I was done eating for the evening but went on to pick on honey baked ham, pumpkin pie, chips and guacamole, cake.... Obviously I didn't keep my, "I'm done eating" vow. Still, I'm trying not to think too much about it. It's the black-and-white thinking about food that I'm wanting to change. It's ok to overdo it on Thanksgiving, right?

Lots of comments about my having lost weight. Everyone wanted to know what I was doing and were just so supportive and complimentary about how I'm looking. It's hard to accept compliments like, "wow, you look great!" when I don't feel like I look great. I find myself thinking, "well, better than I looked before but not great." Damn, no worse critic than myself.

My normal WW meeting day weigh-in is on Thursday. No meeting yesterday due to the holiday. I have to wait another week to weigh in. I think that's good though, keep me from obsessing about what I ate on one day. It's amazing how I go from not giving a crap about what I eat to fixating on it. I need to find balance.

Anyway, I'm headed to the gym today to do cardio and the rest of the upper body work I couldn't finish yesterday. I don't think I'll be able to do lower body until early next week. Going to the gym today and tomorrow will put me at 5 visits this week, which is my goal.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Who's in my Way??

I went to the gym 5 days last week and every day so far this week! I've been doing 30 minutes on the elliptical followed by 15-20 minutes on the treadmill.

I am doing some brain reprogramming about the gym. I did this years ago with Algebra and it worked. Every time I think about the gym, or working out, I consciously say positive things to myself, i.e. "I love the gym", "Working out is my favorite part of the day", "I feel so good when I go to the gym", "I love weight-training and I'm good at it." Often my mind wants to protest, but I know that eventually it won't. As I said, I did this with Algebra in under-grad (15 years ago?) and I actually went on to tutor math for a while. Anyway, I do really like going to the gym and right now I'm so motivated I don't have to push myself. But I know from experience that the motivation will wear off, so I need to get a genuine foundation of enjoying it to maintain. As I was waltzing into the gym the other day, feeling happy and confident, I realized how much easier fitness is when you aren't battling your own negative ideas about it. Sometimes I have to get out of my own way to accomplish my goals.

I rode my bike to the gym the other day! It's a tad over 2 miles and that bike hasn't seen a 2 mile ride in probably 10 years. My butt is still sore, I'm not used to that seat. I'm thinking of getting one of those cushy wide ones For all intents and purposes the road is flat between home and the gym, but on a bike I noticed these little "uphill" sections. It wasn't easy, my legs were hurting, but I made it. There's a longer "uphill" section on the way home. Miguel rode the bike home. I want to get to the point where I can ride round trip.

On that note, I met with the trainer last night. A 24 year kid who doesn't really seem to grasp how out of shape I am. While I was warming up we were chatting. I told him I'd like to try the couch-to-5k thing in the spring. Here's how it went:
Trainer: you can run a mile.
Me: no I can't
Trainer: a mile? sure you can, it's only a mile. I did a half-marathon without even training once.
Me: I can barely run for 60 seconds
Trainer: oh.

Needless to say he went on to torture me with the weights. I'm going to do everything he gave me to do but I'm worried about the squats. We were going to meet again in a week but I pushed it to two weeks while I, hopefully, adjust to some of the exercises.

Anyway, when I went to bed last night I was worried I wouldn't be able to walk today. Glad I can.

I love exercise, it feels so good. I'm looking forward to my next opportunity to get in the gym, I feel so great after a workout....

Friday, November 16, 2007


I know sometimes you can work really hard and not see results on the scale, so I try not to get my hopes up in case that happens. Well, this week I lost 2 pounds! I haven't lost 2 pounds in a week in a while. I'm so pleased. Nothing like a little reinforcement in the form of weight loss.

We're surviving without the TV. I met a new friend and she watches a lot of the shows I used to watch so we talked about a TV night at her place watching some shows. That's so much better than sitting on my rump alone. I'm always trying to socialize more so this is justified, IMHO

Anyway, 2 pounds, yay!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Well, Day 3 without cable. We still have Netflix though...and we can get online pretty much whenever, so we're sufficiently entertained.

Today was my third day going to the gym. I've been doing just cardio to start. 30 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the treadmill. I did crunches on the first day and still hurt. I met with a trainer today and signed up for three sessions. I'm going to meet with him for the first time on Monday and then weekly. Just to get a weight lifting routine going and to get my motivation jump started.

I'm feeling pretty good about this whole exercise thing. I'm hoping to see some results this week at my Thursday WW meeting.

In any event, I'm feeling pretty damned tired. How long before I bounce back and the exercising actually increases my energy level?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Perfect Timing

So on Sunday Miguel and I went gym shopping. We visited the four large gyms in our town. We settled on the one that gave us the best deal, $64 a month, no contract, with $125 enrollment fees. And for $18 more a month we can get access to one of their other gyms in a nearby town (that we pass on our way home during commute hours).

I was ready to work out when we joined but Miguel complained of starving to death so we left and went and had lunch. Needless to say that was not the cause for my 'perfect timing' title of this post.

As I mentioned in my previous post I canceled cable. It was on all last week and we both sat and watched TV all day Saturday. The weather was crappy and neither of us had the motivation to do anything.

Anyway, we came home from our gym expedition on Sunday afternoon and lo-n-behold the cable was off. How perfect. We have a few shows stored on Tivo and when those run out we'll be high and dry

Okay, I'm headed to my first gym day.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Losing the Dead Weight

Well, I took the dive. I canceled the cable and internet. I felt that we were just wasting too much time on something that, really, is quite meaningless. Besides, it keeps us from talking to each other, that is, the husband and I. We're going to use the money for a gym membership, how perfect is that?

I made the call yesterday and it was supposed to be turned off today. It's still on. I don't know what I'm going to do if it never actually goes off. It's an addiction I can't seem to kick on my own.

Gosh I hope they turn it off because I don't know if I have the strength to ask them to turn off free cable.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Around About the Way

I'm still hanging around. I need to update my weight logs. I'm only 2 pounds, if that, down from my last posted weight. I haven't been trying very hard but I've also stayed aware of my eating habits. I'm happy that the weight I lost has stayed off. Work is finally stable so I'm going to choose a gym in the next few weeks. I think that's been the missing piece. I was able to lose 25 pounds just changing my eating habits but exercise not only speeds things up but helps me keep the eating in check and motivates me over all.

Husband and I met with a financial planner. We both suck at money matters and waste a lot. This, plus not saving for retirement, meant we needed help. Something about getting financially fit, creating a plan, sticking to it, that feels a lot like the weight issue. I think I can use that same motivation to makeover both parts of my life.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Creative Fitness

I lost 2.2 pounds this week for a total of 25.4 pounds lost! Weight watchers gave me a new charm for my WW key chain, a 25 pound charm that looks like a fishing weight. It's cute and I appreciate the milestone marker. It's incentive not to go backwards.

As you all know I've got my "must exercise" weight and I'm only 8.4 pounds away from that now. I have been thinking more and more about exercise. Over 6 months ago I made a commitment, bore out of too much time on the couch. That commitment was to do one social activity a week. My life had become a series of trips between work, the grocery store, the gas station and my couch. I wasn't getting out at all and I was depressed. Now I do something every weekend and amazingly my schedule is booked through August! Most of the time a commitment does not feel like the chore it used to feel like. I am socializing, getting out of the house, and having fun.

This success got me to thinking. What if I make a commitment to do one physical activity a week? I'm thinking hiking, tennis, swimming, racquetball, walking, etc. Basically getting some fun physical activity in. I purchased 2 new hiking books and they have a lot of "easy" and "moderate" hikes that I could do. I also have a book about biking trails in my area. My husband is game for anything so I could easily get him to go with me if needed. I haven't ridden my mountain bike in ages so I can get that ready to go and do some easy rides. I'm not so much thinking about doing these things as "working out" but more to get myself moving in an enjoyable way to change my thinking around "working out". Again, having what I do be a reflection of what's going on inside. I've written before about my being in therapy. One thing I'm learning is that I have a pattern of feeling that things are forced upon me. I resist exercise like an adolescent resists cleaning their room, I haven't felt like it's what I want to do but something someone is making me do. That needs to change. I need to remember that the most enjoyable part of being in shape for me is being able to do things that I want to do. That I want to do. I used to love riding to a beautiful picnic spot in a remote area on a beautiful day. I really enjoyed hikes with big, beautiful, payoff views. I want to do those things again. I'm missing out on so much of life right now.

So - one physical activity per week. It can be an after work hike, a short, easy bike ride, swimming a few laps...anything. I feel really good about this. It's a good lead-in to my impending exercise routine. I'm starting to envision a workout routine that is part gym and part outdoors stuff. I can't do what I did before and fall flat. I have to try something different.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Another Loss.

Lost .4 pounds this week. And that means I've now lost 10% of my body weight. Weight Watchers is big on the 10%, it's like your first major goal on the plan. They talk about all the health benefits of losing 10% of your weight..."By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you can lower your cholesterol and reduce your blood pressure". I guess that would be true for 5% or 15% but they like the 10% and make a big deal out of it. I got a silver key chain, which I put my 16 week charm on. They give you a charm at 16 weeks because they say coming to meetings for 16 weeks really establishes it as a habit and shows you are committed. Anyway, I like the support and clapping and motivation I get from the meetings.

So, now I'm 10.6 pounds away from my "must exercise" weight. I'm thinking about joining a gym near my house that I once belonged to.

In other news....I may have a job offer in Hawaii by the end of the week! I'm freaking out! I've wanted to move back to Hawaii (went to undergrad at UH) for a while now but now that it might happen I'm scared! We'll see. Maybe I'll be posting from the beach soon

Thursday, July 12, 2007


I lost 3 pounds this week! It's nice to drop down. I am now 11 pounds away from my "must exercise" weight. I have allowed myself the time to develop the natural desire to exercise but decided that if this natural desire doesn't lead to me exercising than I will force the issue when I drop below 200 pounds. Getting closer. I have been thinking more and more about exercising. Hasn't produced results yet but one thing that's changing is my internal reaction to the thought of exercising. It's no longer, "exercise - yuck!" but "exercise, that sounds like a good idea". Like I said, no results yet but I'm moving in the right direction. I don't want to force the health issue this time, I want to evolve to a place where it is really me just living my internal state. Warning...psychobabble ahead.

I've been working on stuff in therapy for the last year and things have really intensified lately. I've figured out that my weight is really about my wanting to be invisible. I don't want to be seen. I think that becoming comfortable with being seen without feeling exposed and vulnerable will help clear out some of my subconscious reasons for eating. Also, I think that by addressing this "stuff" I will learn to feel my feelings without fear and will no longer rely on food to avoid my feelings. It's not that any of this is conscious but in working on these things in therapy I'm learning more and more how really powerful these subconscious beliefs and ideas are. My husband is so helpful too, he's really helping me to feel safe and grounded. Okay, no more psychobabble for today.

Here's to a wonderful week ahead!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Failed Prediction

Well, when I said I was anticipating a gain this week looks like I was off. I LOST 1.4 pounds this week. Yay! I had not been tracking my eating and that's what made me think I'd gain, but, in retrospect, even though I've not been tracking I have been eating pretty decent. My new thing is rice cakes with a little peanut butter on 'em. Yum.
What I really need to do is start exercising. Blah, blah, blah. Words. Let me stop now.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Not throwing in even a tissue

it's no surprise i haven't been around for a while. i gained 1.8 pounds last week and anticipate another gain this week. last week i went away for my mother's birthday, a weekend in st. helena. we drank and ate and sat around the pool doing nothing for the entire weekend. then this week i did a lot of the same during the weekend which seeped into this week. well, we'll see what i have in store for me tomorrow when i weigh myself. i'm not throwing in the towel. i think it's time to get my ass off the couch and exercise. i think i need to get moving. i was watching a movie tonight and in it this guy was running on a treadmill and i thought that seemed relaxing. anyway...progress not perfection, eh?

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Another week and another loss. That sounds bleak actually...but it's not. I lost 1.4 pounds this week for a total of 21.2 so far! I'm excited and pleased. Even though I followed the plan all week I had a sinking feeling I wasn't going to lose weight this week. I think because I lost over 3 pounds last week I was expecting some sort of correction, like in the housing market I guess But no, on plan and lost weight just as it should be.

I'm pretty much convinced I'm an early dinner eater. If I don't eat by 7pm I'm a stomach-growling maniac. Of course, it's 8:20pm while I'm writing this and I haven't eaten dinner. Trying to wait for my husband to get home but he's taking too long. Anyway. Still getting closer to my "must exercise" weight. 12.6 more pounds and if I haven't started by then, I will. My heart's in the right place but my ass is still on the couch. Gonna have to have a heart-to-ass talk I think. Here's wishing all of you a great weekend!!

Sunday, June 10, 2007


Wow. Good week! Lost 3.2 pounds this week. That's a record. I've been waiting for the desire to start exercising to occur naturally but have set a weight at which if it hasn't occurred by then, I will force the issue. Well, I'm inching closer to that weight so I'm beginning to think a lot more about what I'll do. I downloaded the "couch to 5k" podcasts from itunes a few weeks ago and just synced them to my ipod. I have to admit, I'm a little self conscious about actually running in public. Even though it's only for 60 seconds at a time I fear I'll look like a cow trying to run on its hinds legs! I know I shouldn't care know.... It's times like these I wish it got darker earlier and I could run under cover of night

Then there's always our little gym I made a while back. Has a bowflex and a crosstrainer in it. Before, I was doing cardio and weights on alternating days in there. Lately though, I've been really in love with being outside. The weather just makes me want to sit in a park and read a book, eat cold grapes and listen to the children play. Anyway, that's not exercise So, I'm thinking of doing the couch-to-5k thing. I also figure if I need to I can extend it to 18 weeks (it's a 9 week plan) and do each week twice. I'm really out of shape people. I just had the thought to go run in a park or somewhere with a trail instead of on the street where cars driving by will increase my sense of self-consciousness.

Yesterday was jam-packed. Art festival, picnic, concert in the evening. Today, I'll be playing Ghost Recon on the Xbox and maybe watching Grey Gardens, my current Netflix offering. But damn it's nice outside, so maybe I'll get out there instead [or too - lots of hours left in this day].

Gotta close with a WOO-HOO...3.2 pounds gone!!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

that brick wall at the end of the road

death. that'll get you thinking. i really want to live the life i want to live. i'm taking the slowly but surely road still though because the fast track has been a failure for me in the past. i'm really stuck on this lifestyle change thing, and not just for a few years but for the rest of my life.

anyway, my eating was off but is now back on track. lost 2.6 pounds this week after gaining 2 over the past 2 weeks. so, down .6 in the past three weeks. i'm glad i pulled it back together. i'm thinking more and more about adding an exercise routine. although all that thinking hasn't led to exercise yet, but i know it will. i am out a lot more than i was 6 months ago. i have at least two evenings a week when i do something and get out of the house on the weekends. i was just sitting around all the time before so even though i'm not exercising yet, i'm moving more and having more of a life and eating less.

Monday, May 28, 2007


My uncle passed away on Monday the 14th. I flew down to Southern California right away to be with my grandparents. I came home and then returned the following week for the funeral. My cousins wanted a particular church and that was the soonest it was available. So, back and forth to LA twice in two weeks, not to mention plenty of crying, laughing, storytelling. My uncle was only 60.

As history could have predicted, I gave myself tacit permission to not mind my eating habits. I lost a nominal amount of weight the first week but gained last week. Eek! It's so easy to go off track and stay there and it can be a battle to get back on track, but I'm working on it.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

down, down, down

Lost 2.4 this week. Yay!! Total of about 16 pounds down. I went for a 40 minute walk today with my husband. Definitely on the leisurely side but there was a big hill we had to get over so I broke a sweat for a couple minutes. It felt good to be outside and moving around. Still focused on sticking with it more than anything else. It's all about maintenance for me!

Sunday, May 6, 2007

No Loss - No Gain. @ The Blue Jeans Ball

Yes, still doing the WW. Hey, Irene! Thanks for the support!
I had my first week of not losing anything. My weight stayed exactly the same...220.2

I know why too, my food tracking was not so great that week. Although my eating was nowhere near out of control, I can't be sure it was OP because of the non-tracking.

SO tired today. Went to a fundraiser last night and danced until 1am! My legs, and body for that matter, are not accustomed to working so hard. I'm sure the vodka tonics didn't help either. At least there wasn't a bunch of eating going along with that. Have a little hangover today but it's not too bad...just a little headache and tiredness.

Anyway, off to track my grits and egg white breakfast. Man, that's my fav weekend comfort foody and healthy...that's a good combo.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Pretty and Good

I'm doing pretty good. Have lost about 13 pounds. Have only exercised a few times but have decided that if the motivation doesn't happen naturally i'm going to force it when I drop under 200 pounds. Sheesh, 200 pounds, that sounds like so much!! But, it's reality. Haven't eaten as many fruits and veggies this weekend as much as I would have liked to. I went to an Indian Food cooking class where you cook the food and then eat it. Man! It was SO good...already thinking of ways to make healthier versions.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Weigh In Tomorrow

well, i weigh in tomorrow at ww. we'll see what the scale has to say. a few months ago i put my bathroom scale under the bed and it's been living there ever since. i don't miss compulsively weighing myself every day, and it didn't seem to do me much good in any event, so it will stay under the bed until i see pun intended.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Yesterday's Food

Monday, March 26, 2007Morning
Special K Protein cereal/FF milk - Quick-added foo 3
FF creamer - Quick-added food 2
1 small apple(s) 1
1/2 cup orange sections 0.5
2 Tbsp fat-free mayonnaise 0.5
2 medium carrot(s) 0.5
deli lean turkey sandwich meat - Quick-added food 2
2 T LF dressing - Quick-added food 1
2 T FF dressing - Quick-added food 1
whole grain bread - Quick-added food 2
3 cup lettuce 0

curry/rice - Quick-added food 7

fiber bar chocolate - Quick-added food 2
1 cup fat-free skim milk 2
popcorn - Quick-added food 0.5
1 oz LF cheese - Quick-added food 2
healthy choice fudge bar - Quick-added food 1

Food POINTS values total used 28
Food POINTS values remaining 0

Up and At 'em!

Morning! Have to rush off to prepare for work, etc. Decided I will post my WW food journal here as well. The numbers following the food are the number of "points" for the item. My current daily ration is 28. As you can see, I'm not starving.
Good: stayed in points, lots of fruit
Bad: no veggies with dinner

Monday, March 26, 2007

Weight Watchers

I've been going to Weight Watchers meetings for 6 weeks. I'd never gone before and was feeling hopeless when I went to the first meeting. I'm not feeling hopeless anymore. I really like the "points" system, feels very livable. I also like the weekly meetings for advice and support, not to mention the weigh ins. To know I'm going to be weighed in just adds a layer of accountability that works for me. They don't do it publicly, thank goodness.

So, my weigh in day is Thursday. I've not missed a meeting since I started. They are only a 1/2 hour and the little pep talk we get from the meeting leader is not as painful as I was fearing - I find them encouraging. So, they work your points out based partly on your weight. Your "base" points are the first two digits of your weight, my current base points are 22 (for 226 pounds). When I hit 219.9 (which sounds really good btw) I'll go down to 21 base points. The lowest base points are 15 I think. Then, you get points added to that based on your age, how much you move (labor work vs. desk work type of thing), your gender and height, etc. So, the amount you eat drops as your body weight drops...makes sense. They also have an online food diary that you can use and it keeps track for you. I dig it.

You also get a set amount of "extra" points you can use however you want through the week. You can use them slowly throughout the week or all in day (or meal if you really tried). I tend to use them on the weekend at social events...happy hour with appetizers really takes the points away.

The first week or so I was hungry a fair amount. Now it actually feels like plenty of food. The neat thing is, if I'm feeling really hungry, I eat lower point items in larger amounts. If I'm not feeling that hungry I'll have some type of "treat" in a smaller amount for the same amount of points. Anyway, I guess the point is, no pun intended, it's working for me.

Okay, enough about Weight Watchers. Funny thing, I haven't really told many people in my life that I'm doing it. While I have said I'm "eating right" again, I usually don't mention WW specifically. I guess I'm a little embarrassed that I haven't been able to do it on my own.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

If at first...

It's taken me some time to come back after falling off the proverbial wagon for...well, about a year. I've been 'round this weight loss block a few times and am hoping that I've learned enough to not just get in shape, but to stay in shape. I thought I was heavy as a child because that's what I was told. Who knows if this is where things went south. Here's a picture of me in my pre-teens and I don't seem fat to me.

I'm pretty sure I was a heavy teenager, but then I see pictures like this and wonder.

Then I see a picture like this and think, "yeah, I was fat".

Anyway, I know I was heavy as a young adult. Here I am at age 24 in my cousin's wedding.

At 21 I had moved to Hawaii to go to college. I stayed heavy, as in the above picture, all through college. At about age 25, something clicked and I decided to get in shape. I followed my own plan, making changes one at a time. I started with a plan to do one thing everyday outside of my house that was non-food related (usually I went to the beach after work and journaled). When I was ready (and that was key) I added something new, which was taking a walk on the beach. Then I decided to change my eating habits at home only, I made no changes to my habits outside the home. If I wanted a snickers bar that was fine, as long as I didn't eat it in my home. When I was ready, I added changes to eating outside the home too. Slowly but surely I got in shape and about a year later I'd lost 70 pounds. I was leading an active lifestyle, swimming, biking, hiking, and having a blast. Here's a couple pictures from that time period.

And some from during my post-Hawaii 3 month backpacking trip across Europe...

Of course during that time I was never satisfied, convinced I was "fat" and needed to lose weight.
Later, when I would get out of shape again, I would look back on that time as heaven.

So after Europe I moved back to California. I maintained my weight loss for a total of about 5 years before things slowly started slipping away. That was the longest I'd ever maintained weight loss. I think what I learned from that relapse, if you will, is that I have to stay vigilant. I can't ever stop paying attention to this. Sure, I may be able, one day, to put weight and health on the back burner (maybe) but I have to carefully monitor if it needs to return to the front. Ah heck, it needs to stay on the front burner forever.

So I got fat again...I don't know how much I weighed but in 1999 I got engaged, and was overweight. I lost a bunch of weight for the wedding, and was wearing a size 12 (I think), in summer of 2000. Here's a picture of me from that time.

The weight loss lasted about as long as the marriage, which was not long. By the time I met Miguel in late 2001 (see? short marriage) I was heavy again...

I continued to gain weight for the first several years of our relationship. By July of 2005 I think I weighed about 220 and looked like this:

Desperate for change, in August of 2005 I decided to try Body for Life. I followed the plan fairly closely and lost about 35 pounds of fat in 12 weeks. I had completed 12 weeks of Body for Life (BFL) and pretty much slacked off after that. Of course I gained the weight I'd lost, plus a few extra. I reviewed my old journal entries from BFL and saw the last couple of weeks I was writing about being tired all the time. I might have pushed myself too hard and then had nothing left with which to continue. I'm also too good at making excuses and have a history of being lazy. I also identified that I had no plan as to what to do when the 12 week plan is over. Now, whenever anyone tells me they are doing some time-limited plan I always encourage them to plan for after it's over.

After gaining the weight back after BFL, and then some, I sat on my butt for a couple more years trying to figure out what to do. On February 15th [of 2007] I went to my first weight watchers meeting. I looked like this...

So here I am. Head down in a bit of embarrassment about my situation. I have been eating a healthy diet for 6 weeks and have lost 8 pounds. I was 233.8 pounds when I started 6 weeks ago. I am in the contemplation stage when it comes to exercise. I know I want to start again I just don't know when. I'm getting closer and starting to write on here is part of my move toward taking that step. I am trying to take things slowly so that I can create something that I am able to maintain for the rest of my life. Maintenance is the only reason I'm back.