Phenomenal Woman

I was still a teenager when Maya Angelou came to the college I was attending.  I'd never heard of her but my English professor was offering extra credit to those who went to see her and wrote up a response.  The auditorium was crowded and I got there late.  I remember sitting on the floor in the back of the room, listening.  Maya is a powerhouse of a human being, her voice booms without a microphone.  When she read this poem I thought I'd never be the same.  The force of her strength in femininity captivated me and I've been an awestruck fan ever since.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Getting Back in the Groove

I haven't blogged up until now because honestly, I haven't been feeling myself this week.  Could be hormones, could be the pneumonia thing, or a combination of that and other life distractions. 

So I was sitting in my office on Monday afternoon thinking, "wow, it's warm in here."  I turned on my little desk fan and took off a layer of clothes.  I finished up my work for the day and headed to the gym with a plan to do an easy, short spin on the bike and then lift a few weights.  Glen and Mark were at the front desk so I stopped to catch up for a few minutes.  While I'm standing there I realized I was feeling hot again.  This is not a good sign.  I took off another layer of clothes and acknowledged that I probably have a fever.  Dammit!  So I walked my butt back out the door and went home to take my temperature.

99.1°, not too bad.  But I really shouldn't be having a fever at all.  My doctor is on vacation so I sent a message to her back-up person on Tuesday morning.  Later in the day I got a message back saying if my fever reoccurs that I need to be seen.  Phew, no doctor visit needed.  But I figured that since something is up with my body, I'd better skip the gym again.  I considered that maybe the running on Sunday was a bad idea but in the end, I really don't think so.  I ran so easy, so effortlessly, I can't see how that would have messed me up. 

Today, Wednesday, I was home with the kids.  My eating has been somewhat sloppy lately but I woke up this morning with a renewed motivation to not let my weight creep up during this time of almost no exercise.  Eating healthy has always been so much easier for me when I'm exercising, it's like the two go hand-in-hand.  The last couple days when I've gotten on the scale I'm a bit over 140.  Still well under my goal weight but I'll tell you the truth, I now see 140 as a yellow-light weight.  145 would mean it's time to sound the alarm, take action.  So far it seems if I'm eating a healthy diet and getting a good amount of exercise, the high 130's is where my body wants to be.

Speaking of my body, I've been wondering how my lungs sound.  Good thing I have a nurse buddy who was willing to make a house-call.  She listened and said she could hear a little bit of stuff (my non-medical term, not hers) and that I'm probably 85-90% clear.  Yay!  That's some good progress.   I have another 1.5 weeks until I get my follow-up chest x-ray, and I need to be 100% clear by then.  Things are looking good for that. 

Anyway, back to today.  I took the kids for haircuts, they were little angels, and then to the candy shoppe for a treat.  They chose lollipops over frozen yogurt, which really surprised me.  In the afternoon my mom came to hang with the kids while I ran some errands and went to the gym.

At the gym I rode the upright bike on level five for 15 minutes and then another of my self-made full body workouts, doing a little bit of everything.  I increased the difficulty a bit by doing 2 sets of things instead of just the 1 set I've been doing.  I felt really good but some of the exercises were a challenge.  My poor muscles have lost a little of their umph.  But no worry, I'll get it back.  In the meantime, I can't say I'm unhappy with my body these days, despite all the downtime. 

Post workout contentment.

A Lucky Runner

Saturdays are normally a day we reserve for family activities but Miguel had to work so the kids and I were flying as a threesome.  We had a birthday party in the morning, a pirate themed party, which was so fun.  The weather was gorgeous and they even had a pinata!  I'd had a pretty big bowl of oatmeal for breakfast so I wasn't that hungry at the party.  I still ate a sandwich and some chips.  Oh, and cake of course.  Myra got into the spirit of the party.

Aye matey, the pirate's life for me!

And I got into the spirit of warm weather!  Only four more days until spring officially starts.

After the party we all came home and enjoyed some down time.  I had been toying with the idea of walking the Emerald Across the Bay 12k the next morning (today) but when TTOTM started and I considered how cold it would be at 8am, I decided against it.  Just didn't sound like my idea of fun.

So Miguel and I went out for dinner.  It was a long day for both of us but we rallied.  We started in the bar where I had a vodka & soda or two.  We were eventually moved to a table but had been happier in the bar so we went back.  The restaurant just felt too bright.  Dinner was good.  For some reason steak sounded good to me so I ordered a cajun rib-eye, which came with spinach and jalapeno mashed potatoes.  I've had cheesecake on the brain lately so I had that for desert.  It wasn't as good in real life as it was in my head.  By the time we got home around 10:30pm I was exhausted and was asleep by 11pm.

The kids slept until 8am this morning.  Woo-hoo!!  I was actually awake before either of them.  I have a friend who needed a head-shot for her business so I ran to her house and took a few pictures before...wait for it...a neighborhood waffle party!  You heard right, a waffle party.  Our neighbors own a waffle truck and invited the neighborhood over to indulge.

And indulge we did.  We have a lot of kids in our neighborhood and they got to run around and play while the adults socialized.  It was a yummy gathering.  I had my camera so I snapped a few pictures of the sweet faire.

Freshly ironed

With chocolate sauce (I had mine with caramel and chocolate).

I hope you're not feeling too jealous right now!  I ate mine and then I might have finished off one of the kids, which was practically whole.  But at least I didn't take the offer to take some home.  Two crunchy/sweet/savory waffles with caramel, chocolate and whipped cream is probably enough for one day...or even for a month!

After the waffle party we took the kids to the soccer field.  Miguel had a game later in the afternoon so we took the kids early so he could kick the ball around with them while I got some exercise.  I had a plan to take a 30 minute walk.  We were in Sausalito, just a few blocks from the Mill Valley-Sausalito trail so I headed toward that.  But within a few minutes I felt the urge to run.  I was all alone with myself and it didn't take long to convince myself it was ok to run as long as I took it really easy.  And I agreed with myself that I would stop if I felt winded.  I'm so easy to please when negotiating with myself.

I started running and for the first few minutes my body felt a little weird, like I was moving in places that aren't used to moving.  It wasn't a bad feeling at all, just different.  But within about 5 minutes I settled into an easy, comfortable pace.  I coughed a little bit here and there, which I think was probably good for my lungs.  My doctor actually said they used to recommend a jog around the block to help clear out the lungs.  This turned out to be a bit longer than around the block, I think I ran for about 35 minutes.  I didn't have my Garmin on so I have no idea of distance or pace, other than "easy".

It felt so wonderful to be running!  The weather was pristine and my legs moved with ease.  There were only a few moments when I felt like I was working and each time I just slowed down.  I'm curious to know my pace but it's probably better that I don't.  Running by feel was what I really needed to do and seeing my pace could have messed with my attunement.  The most important thing was the positive feeling I had.  I just love running.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!  WW posted the above on their FB page this morning and when I saw it I was reminded of something I've been told a time or two, "You're so lucky you like running."  Sometimes I take the time to tell the person about how I hated running for years, how I didn't start to like it until I trained for my first half-marathon and experienced the long run.  Something about a longer distance made running click for me and we've been in a beautiful love affair ever since.  Maybe I got my first runner's high, maybe it was a matter of confidence ("I can run, I really can!"), or maybe it was about relaxing - something you have to do on a long run - more likely it was a combination of all those things.  All I know is, I stuck with running for years despite not really liking it and eventually, I got lucky. 

A Recovery Plan

It's Friday!  Good thing, because I was barely hanging in.  I went back to work on Thursday and things were rolling along pretty smooth.  I had a busy day, lots of people to see and plenty of catching up to do.  Then suddenly around 4pm I felt really tired.  Really tired, like I'd been feeling before.  So I immediately took myself home and straight to bed.  I am so motivated to get healthy, there will be no pushing myself or hurrying of my recovery.  I stayed in bed for most of the afternoon, allowing my body the rest it seemed to need.

Today, Friday, is weigh-in day.  I skipped last week because of being sick but hopped on the scale this morning.  I was a bit surprised to see an even lower number, 134.8 pounds.  What the heck is going on here?  I feel like I'm eating a lot, and that, coupled with very little exercise... I just can't explain this dropping weight.  Just reinforces that the scale only tells part of the story.

I had a nice coffee meeting this morning to go over a new project.  It's not something I'll likely be going into here but I will say it's very exciting to be thinking about something new, something in which I have full ownership and that is, for me, profoundly reflective of who I am today.  I don't tend to think of myself as an artist, or having any artistic talents, but I actually did feel a bit of creativity flowing when going over the project.  As I drove back to the office the sun was shining but a perfect amount of cloud cover was keeping me cool.  And then a song came on that I've been kind of obsessed with lately, Joss Stone's Right to be Wrong.

My energy level was good today, I didn't get tired come afternoon time.  I went to the gym after work and walked for 10 minutes on the treadmill, again at 3.0mph.  I followed that up with another shortened round of full body strength training.  My muscles all seemed to be working fine.  Ian, my OG trainer, was there and we got to chat a bit.  He was very encouraging about my recovery.  And of course he took the opportunity to remind me of how tiny I am, something he tells me practically every time he sees me nowadays.  I told him I'm not trying to lose weight but that the scale is going down regardless.  He said not to put too much stock in it, my body being sick and now recovering, the weight will stabilize again when I'm back to my normal routine.  That was good to hear.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not scarfing down huge meals and tons of crap and lamenting the scale dropping.  But I do feel like I'm eating more than enough to *not* be losing weight, at minimum, and possibly the scale should be inching up even, so it's a bit strange.  Must be what Ian said, being sick does strange things to the body and I can't expect to make sense of it all.  So I just figured out why it bothers me.  I think I'm afraid I'll expect myself to maintain this new sub-135 weight.  I was happy to maintain sub-140 but this seems a bit too much.  I just need to remind myself that just because I dipped below 135 doesn't mean it's my new goal weight. 

We had the kids' wonderful former daycare provider, Mimi, over for dinner tonight.  The kids were so happy to see her and it was fun for me to catch up with her over a glass or three of wine.  I haven't had red wine since, well, since new years when I got so sick.  For dinner we had pizza and salad and I'll skip telling you all the other crap I ate tonight (pure junk, I'll just say that).  I'm currently working on a large glass of water before I head off to bed.  Miguel is working tomorrow and I'm taking the kids to a birthday party so it's going to be a full, busy day for me.  I don't want to have even the slightest headache. 

I made myself a rough plan for the next few weeks of my recovery.  I still have to decide if I want to walk the 12k on Sunday.  I'm seriously on the fence right now.  Part of me wants to do it, part of me wants to take a pass on walking 8+ miles.  The weather might be the deciding factor.  Right now the prediction is for a cloudy day with a high of 64°, not super enticing.  We'll see.  Anyway, here's the plan I came up with. 

	Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thur	Fri	Sat
3/17 - 3/23	12k walk?	15min easy walk lite full body weights	15min easy bike lite full body weights	rest	15min easy walk lite full body weights	15min easy bike lite full body weights	rest
3/24 - 3/30	30 min walk	20 min brisk walk limited chest/tri	20 min brisk bike limited back/biceps	rest	20 min brisk walk limited legs/shoulders	20 min brisk bike limited chest/tri	rest
3/31 - 4/6	30 min jog/walk	25 min easy jog full back/biceps	25 min med-int bike full legs/shoulders	rest	25 min easy jog full chest/tri	25 min med-int bike full back/biceps	rest

I'm not sure if this will ultimately be the plan, so much will depend on how I'm feeling.  But I wanted something to guide me.  Plan B, or Plan C even, can be developed if needed.  I'm totally willing to tweak things as needed.  The most important thing is, I know where I'm going.  How I get there is not set in stone.

The Road to Recovery and Tricky Numbers

Things are looking up!  This past Friday I went for my first follow up appointment since getting diagnosed with pneumonia a week ago today.  That was a bit of a downer, she said I sounded no better and to continue (at least partial) bed rest.  Over the weekend I did my best to lie low and despite going forward with Marek's 4th birthday party on Sunday, I still managed to get plenty of rest.  I hardly took pictures at the party but here are a couple.

Happy Birthday buddy!

Dishing out cupcakes with Vader, storm troopers and light sabers

After the party I headed for bed to rest for a while before dinner.  I can't tell you how much eating I'd been doing last week.  I kind of reeled it in on Monday but it's still not ideal.  Without exercise I'm not going to get away with this for long.  Anyway, I'm rambling.

So I went today for my second follow up appointment and the doctor said my lungs are sounding better.  I am 50% recovered and she expects that within 3 weeks my lungs will be back at 100%.  We had a little Q&A:

Me:  Can I start exercising again, something light like walking?
Doc:  You can certainly go for walks as long as you don't get winded.  You might be surprised at how easily you get winded so just take it easy.  As long as you're not doing any intense cardio, nothing that causes you to breathe heavy, you're fine.
Me:  Score!  (in my head anyway).

Me:  What about weight lifting?
Doc:  Weight lifting is fine since you aren't using your lungs much.  Again, as long as you don't get winded you're fine.  If you find you have unusually sore muscles later that's a sign you're not getting enough oxygen to them so just cut back.

Me:  I'm registered for a 12k on Sunday, can I walk that if I want to?
Doc:  Sure, as long as you take it easy.

Me:  I'm registered for a half-marathon on April 7th (3.5 weeks away), what do you think?
Doc:  If your 3-week follow up chest x-ray is clear (on April 3rd) you can do whatever you want.  And I expect it will be clear barring anything unusual. 
Me:  Double score!  Yippee, yay, woo-hoo!!!! (all in my head, of course).  Thank you.

Whew!  That's about the best thing I could have heard.  And you know I got my little ass to the gym ASAP.  I walked on the treadmill at 3.0 mph for 10 minutes and then hit the weights.  I decided to do a short full body workout so I did one set of a few things like pushups, lunges, squats, seated rows, bicep curls, arnolds, head crushers, pullups (I did 4!), a few other things I can't recall and then a few sets of ab work.  It was so good to be back in the gym, I think I would've been happy to sit in the corner and read.  Oh, and when I'd walked in the door I had the chance to talk shop with a new member (and her mom) who is on her own weight loss journey, it was very motivating (Hi Kali!).

So one last thing...the scale.  The scale is trying to tell me "everything's fine" with a weight of 135 this morning.  Can you believe that?  But my body fat has crept up to 27%.  Can you lose that much muscle in a week?  Yep, according to the trainer at the gym it's totally possible.  Check out these numbers:

138.8 pounds with 25% body fat = 34.7 pounds of fat, 104.1 pounds lean body mass
135 pounds with 27% body fat = 36.45 pounds of fat, 98.55 pounds lean body mass.

So at 135 I weigh less but I'm carrying more fat - I've lost 3.8 pounds overall but I've gained 1.75 pounds of fat (that's 7 sticks of butter!).  And my lean body mass has gone down by over 5 pounds.  Oh man this is depressing.  I want my 25% body fat back, stat.  Patient you must be, young Padawan. 

This is, by the way, the same phenomenon that happens when you start to fall off the wagon but convince yourself everything is alright because the scale is still telling you good things.  I wrote a blog post about that, Fool Me Once.  But the scale and I are not new friends and I'm on to all her lies.  I know that despite it saying 135, all is not well in my body and that I need to both rein in the eating and, when I can, get back to my exercise routine.  Mainly it's the eating because exercise (knock on wood) comes pretty easy to me these days. 

One last, one last thing...it was a beautiful day today.  The doctor gave me good news, the sun was glorious, I got to go back to the gym, and my spirit was alive and soaring.  It's been a while since I've had a day like this.  I'm not back yet, but I'm on the road that I know will get me there.  Hallelujah!