Starting Fresh, In This Moment

I had so much more I wanted to get done yesterday. I bet most of you can relate.

So I had an appointment with my doc in the morning. Not only is she a great doctor, she indulged me in a selfie! Gotta love that.

Anyway, this was a follow-up to my appointment with Dr I'm-so-busy three weeks. Can you tell I'm still irritated? I need to get over it.

Anyway, yesterday we talked about how I'm not coughing and the wheezing is much improved but still sometimes flares up. So she's sending me for a pulmonary function test to see what's happening there and to an allergist (thank you to the reader that suggested I ask about that) to see if there might be allergy triggers.

Other than that, I got a haircut...Thanks Susana!

And also did a lot of blog-related stuff. Blog maintenance work is surprisingly time consuming. And then...I went to the gym. I started with 25 minutes on the elliptical. I'm always surprised at what a tough workout you can get from that machine. I got off all sweaty and out of breath! Then I did a little bit of weights again, taking a stab at some shoulder and back stuff. I'm so wanting to be able to do what I did before and also know that's going to take time. The fact that I'm so enthusiastic about it is a great sign though!

Ok, last thing...my eating. Last night...do we have to talk about this? Yes, it always helps when I put it out there. I'm just going to write it...two bowls of Fruit Loops (don't ask why these are even in the house (hint: it's Miguel's fault) - lame excuse, I am entirely responsible for both keeping them in the house and for eating them), two chocolate chip cookies (the rest of which are now gone) and a random mix of snacks while cooking dinner (food I found left in the kids lunch pail - granola bar, string cheese) and other food I just sought out for no good reason - pita chips and possibly something else I'm not remembering.

So today I woke up feeling disappointed in myself. Mostly that I'm in a hole and yet continue to dig. I  did a lot of self talk.

"What's done is done, don't let it bring you down today."
"Yesterday's mistakes are already in the past, let them go."
"I've done nothing that can't be undone through making healthier choices."
"THIS feeling is why I want to make better choices, I don't feel good. The food was a temporary feel-good, this negative feeling is worse and not worth it."
"There are other ways to soothe myself in the evening."

You get the idea. So today I'm making better choices, right? Not so much. I'm on a lunch break at an all day training. Someone brought Girl Scout cookies and Almond Roca. I've been snacking on those. I brought a Fage, a banana and mandarins. I am committing, right now, for myself, to eat no more GS cookies or Almond Roca. I'm going to think out loud here for a moment..."I know I will feel better at the close of the day if I keep my commitment to myself, I can do this, for me, because I want something more, something that Girl Scout cookies and Almond Roca won't give me."

There, I feel a bit better already. Thanks for listening.

Two Piece Update

First off, I have to tell you, I am loving this Instagram thing. If you're following me then you already know, I'm going a little crazy with the picture posting. For those of you not familiar with Instagram, it's a photo-sharing website. A little like Facebook but instead of just following your friends (or vice versa) you can follow whoever suits your fancy (unless they have their page set to "private"). And then your "feed" is filled with pictures posted by the people you follow.

Here's a screenshot of my page to give you an idea of the pictures I'm posting. Mostly food and selfies but once I'm back at the exercise thing I'll start posting more pics of that too. And yes, that's a margarita.

So I have two pieces of news, no pun intended. The first is...I wore a bikini in public! This is not the first time (I did it once before), but it's the first time post-tummy tuck. What a difference! I still felt a little funny, in a I'm-not-quite-wearing-enough-clothes sort of way, but I got used to it as the day went on.

This was on Mother's Day. We stayed at my mom's the night before and had a lazy Sunday morning and her house. Then we went to the pool and met up with my mom-runner-friend Catherine and lounged there for most of the rest of the day. Don't get me started on all the food I ate. And we're not talking salads and carrot sticks either. But I'm going with the flow. I know once I get back to my regular exercise routine things will improve overall.

Which...brings me to the second piece of news...I went to the gym today. Yippee! I'm five weeks post-op today and while I have to wait one more week before I can start lifting weights, I'm clear to do anything else that feels good. So I started on the upright bike. I decided to just set the time/level to my old one, 25 minutes level 8, and go for it. I couldn't quite keep up my old pace but I lumbered through the whole 25 minutes and felt better for it.

After that I decided to do just a wee bit of strength training. Shh...I did a couple set of squats (no weights), some cable triceps stuff, bicep curls and one set of chest presses. Light weights, no pressure. Except that I tried to do a pushup. Bad idea. I got into position and that was fine but when I started to drop down, no bueno. Ok, so hold off on the pushups. But everything else was good. All-in-all I was there for about 40 minutes. The stress had been building, it was so good to sweat a little. Can't you tell by my post-workout smile?

I came home and decided that since I was in my gym clothes and it was really warm out, it would be fun to take the kids on a cruise around the neighborhood. They rode their bikes/scootered and I ran. Slow and easy with lots of starts and stops, but still running. My new shoes were comfy, though I wondered how they might be after several miles given how minimalist they are (not a whole lot of padding between my foot and the ground).

inov-8 runners. aren't they cute?!

It was fun to run, even under those circumstances. I'm looking forward to my first time back out there. And it will definitely be an "out there" run, not a treadmill one. I'll need to listen to my body and be able to make all those micro-pace adjustments you make when you're running outside. So I'd set the goal to exercise three times this week. One down, two to go. Easy peasey!

New Inov-8 Running Shoes and Instagram Inspiration

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I know I've been quiet on the blog-front lately. I've been busy but no more than usual. Mostly I think it's because I can't exercise. Well, that's not true. I can exercise, I just haven't been. I wrote about my first gym visit and the joy I felt on the elliptical, but that didn't translate into anything regular. I guess I'm on a bit of a hiatus.

This weekend is too jam-packed with activities to commit to anything so my new goal is to return to a routine on Monday. I think I'll set the bar low for my first week and commit to three gym visits next week - three times, for at least 20 minutes of cardio. I can do that. I want to do that. There, it's done.

In other fitness related news, I bought some new running shoes. My Brooks are literally falling apart, which is no surprise given that they are two years old! I'm sure I've run way more miles than is advised. But I haven't had any issues so I figured why buy new shoes? Then again, I have been having that hip pain. Anyway, I wasn't thrilled with the new designs of the Brooks so I tried on some other options that were still in the minimalist genre of running shoes.

I went to the Marin Running Company and made sure that the owner, Charles, would be there. He's never steered me wrong in the shoe-buying department. 

Hi Charles!

I tried on several pairs of shoes (and "ran" - very slowly because I'm still healing - up the block in each of them to test them out). In the end it came down to the Pearl Izumi Project Emotion trail N1...

A good looking shoe, very comfortable, and with an interesting midsole design that left me feeling I was getting an extra push with each step. Not sure why I didn't go with these. Maybe it was because the name of the second pair sounded like a rocket ship.

Meet the Inov-8 F-lite 215.

Performance fit with 6mm differential ideal for weightlifting and running on hard pack terrain. Reinforced medial and lateral sections increases protection for climbing ropes. A large contact area sole design enables good grip and stability when running or exercising. Female specific fit.

Behold the Inov-8 F-lite 215

Also a good looking shoe, and when I had them on, my feet felt light and very in touch with the ground. It's hard to describe, but I liked them. The only problem is the size 8.5s were too small but the 9s seemed too long in the toe area (though the rest of the shoe felt fine). So I went with the 9s knowing that my feet will swell as I'm running. I hope that was a good decision. I'll be sure to write about how it goes.

Charles was talking with me about the benefits of rotating several pair of running shoes so I might go back for those Pearls too. Not sure I can justify the expense though. But wait...Mother's Day is just a couple days away...!! We'll see.

Ok, a quick mention of my eating. It was bad there for a while. I mean McDonalds, Taco Bell bad. Funny thing, I have NEVER been much of a McDonald's person and am even embarrassed to admit I eat there. But lately their hamburger and a vanilla cone has been calling to me like a choir boy to the priesthood. Unfortunately for a while there, I was listening. But I put a stop to all that and you know what's helped? Instagram.

I signed up again for Instagram so I could post as many pictures of food, exercise and selfies as I want without worrying I'm flooding your timeline on my FB page. My name is losermaintainer and I started posting pics of my meals. That'll get you to thinking about your choices. I'm not posting every bite I put in my mouth but just thinking about sending my food choices out to the interwebs gives me pause.

At lunchtime today I pulled into a strip mall thinking I'd get McDonalds. But when I saw the Trader Joe's next door...I knew I'd feel better if I made a better choice and the thought of posting healthier food choices to Instagram helped inspire me too.

I had the Cubano wrap, the snap peas and the orange for lunch. I saved the banana and yogurt for a snack. Win! I could go on and on about turning this food-ship around but suffice to say, I'm getting it together here. And the healing is going well. Still have moments of discomfort now and then but only when I try to pick up 40+ pound children or stretch to get a sippy cup off the floor of the backseat of my car. The glamor in my life is astounding.

One last thing, I'm stepping up my Twitter energy too. I'm @losermaintainer on there as well. Join me there or on Instagram to keep the party going after hours! Or simply to keep better tabs on how it is I maintain this fabulous figure (oh yes, I just said that) all the while being human and fallible. 

Guest Post: Jackie's Race Report from the Urban Escape Half Marathon

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Get the tissue out, this one will pull at your heartstrings, in a good way. Below is an inspirational guest post from my runner/mom friend Jackie. She's made many appearances in past blog posts and race reports. Jackie is a huge fan/supporter of my journey - and I of hers - thank you Jackie. I'll turn it over to her now.
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I woke up early to participate in the Inaugural Urban Escape Half Marathon in Novato. My running clothes and gear were laid out the night before, so I quietly got myself together and made my way to the kitchen. I sat down for my typical pre-run meal; two packets of instant oatmeal and a couple cups of coffee. I probably should have loaded up on water as well but was more concerned about pit-stops than dehydration. Then I successfully made my way out of the house without waking the kids.

I was ill-prepared for this event. I was physically and emotionally drained from some intense family issues that had taken place weeks prior. It was an extremely difficult time and I was exhausted. Not to mention I did not have the opportunity to get any long runs in. I had only run 6 miles the weekend before and 2 miles the week before that. But, rain or shine, I needed this run.

I had this event on my calendar for months. It was a personal goal. And if there is one thing I am good at, it is following through on what I set out to do. In my world of chaos, achieving goals I have set for myself makes me feel like I am in control. It makes me feel strong. I am able to focus on something positive and not get caught up on life’s little stresses. And, believe me; I have my share of stresses. 

Next week marks my baby’s first birthday. So, you can imagine the kind of year I have had…..sleepless nights, breastfeeding, diapers, laundry, etc. Simultaneously, my 3 year old is potty training, learning about boundaries and acclimating to life with a sibling. I knew going in, child number two would bring its own set of challenges. So, I set my wellness plan and goals before he was born. I wanted to make sure that I did not lose control over “me” during this crazy time. For starters, I signed up for the online Weight Watchers program and a 4 Mile running event four months out. One important thing I have learned about myself is that if I pay for something, I am adamant about seeing it through. 

As soon as I recovered from my C-Section and received clearance from my doctor, I hit the streets. First long walks, then short runs. After I returned to full time at work, I was only able to run on Saturday mornings. I dubbed myself a “weekend warrior,” running a 5-mile route each week. And, I also continued to sign up for running events each month. This kept me going. And so I find myself here, this morning, with my third Half Marathon of the year.

Deb, me, Laura, Laurie (L to R)

I was joined by my fabulously fit girlfriends who were as excited as I was to be participating in our big hometown event. The race began and we started out as a group, engaging in conversation and laughs and then, one-by-one, each set our own pace. When I run, I relish the quiet in my brain. I stopped carrying an ipod years ago. I look forward to the random things that come to mind or the issues I am able to resolve. Sometimes I laugh and other times I cry. I love having this time to myself. During this particular run, both stress and relief from the pressures of the preceding days brought me to tears. But once released, I felt strength; strong enough to finish. 

official race picture

But, when I came across the 10 mile marker, my left knee gave out. I needed to stop running and briefly walk it out. This has happened before and is a result of insufficient training or not enough stretching. I am certainly not a model runner. Fortunately, I was able to continue, but had to take frequent walk breaks. As I approached the final stretch down San Marin Drive, I started to get choked up. It was more difficult getting through this event than I had originally anticipated. Then, I spotted my husband and 3 yr. old on the sideline cheering me on. The site brought me to tears...

... but gave me the kick I needed to push through the victory lap. 

My family joined me at the Finish and at that moment, nothing meant more.

After each event I am able to celebrate the success of having reached another goal. I need to feel accomplishment and forward movement. I need to momentarily forget about the ever growing pile of clothes in the corner of my room, the button that I have not yet sewn back on to my husband’s shirt or the reason for my son’s last time out. I’ve got a list of mundane tasks and stresses that will never cease. 

So for me, setting these personal goals is keeping me well. During the last year I also completed one 10K, two 12Ks, one 15K and two other Half Marathon events. WOW! Looking at that list now makes me so proud.

This last year I have only run to finish. My race time today was 2:36.54 with an 11:55 pace. But, it’s time to start setting personal record goals. For starters, I’d like to see myself post a 10 minute mile. I’ll get there soon. I’ve already scheduled my next event!  

me, Deb, Laura, Laurie at the finish!

Pharmaca Personal Weight Challenge and The Asthma Chronicles

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I have asthma. I think I've been in denial about that. But with my never-ending cough I finally broke down and went to the doctor. My doc was out so I saw a stand-in. He was one of those, "I'm in a big hurry, let's move this along" sort of docs. Hate that. But anyway, here's what he said.

Because I was also waking up feverish at night he thought I might have a bacterial infection, though he doubted that. But he put me on antibiotics just in case. More probable was a chronic lung inflammation secondary to poorly managed asthma. So he also put me on a 5-day course of oral steroids, Prednisone, and a Flovent inhaler. Oh joy.

I remember from my medical social work days that steroids can make you moody. Being in my post-operation recovery phase, I wasn't ready for moody. So I opted to take the antibiotics and hold off on the steroids.

In the meantime, I met up with Janine from Pharmaca for our second session in their Personal Weight Challenge. We reviewed my goals from last session.

1. Maintain my weight in the post-surgery recovery phase. Of course I'll gain some immediately after due to swelling, etc, but within a few weeks I should be back to normal. I won't be able to exercise for a while so I want my eating to be balanced and healthy to help maintain my weight.

2. After the surgery, improve healthy eating habits. Yes, I'd like to lose these 6-7 pounds I gained in the last six months but I'm not putting this goal in those terms. I'd rather focus on the unhealthy eating behaviors with the knowledge that doing so will mean my weight will take care of itself.

I believe I'm doing stellar in both departments. My weight was 144.6, 29.2% body fat - and all my other stats looked good too. So the docs removed about five pounds during the surgery but they haven't gone anywhere as yet. Does that mean I gained five pounds? Ah heck, who cares. I think part of goal #2 needs repeating, "focus on the unhealthy eating behaviors with the knowledge that doing so will mean my weight will take care of itself."

I'm doing great with the eating. There are slips here and there, food eaten that I didn't really want or feel good about, but on the whole, it's been good.

So Janine and I talked a lot about my asthma. In the end I decided to try this, Integrative Therapeutics Ivy Calm. I'm drinking two teaspoons twice a day. I also discussed some other options with Janine, including a salt inhaler and a homepathic spray. In the end I decided to hold off on the others until I do the steroids because I won't know what's working. I also got another round of probiotics and the Vital Adapt for adrenal support.

And the cough just didn't budge so I finally broke down and started the steroids this past Wednesday. The first couple of days they were like a miracle cure, my cough just disappeared.

On Thursday I went to the plastic surgeon for my second post-surgery follow up and got the all clear to start exercising again, with some limitations. NO running and NO weight lifting. What does that leave? The elliptical, the stationary bike and walking.

Did I mention it's been a stressful week? The steroids are making me feel all tense, wound up, almost like I'm looking to start a fight. Not good when you're in my line of work. So yesterday I decided to treat myself to a fancy lunch. I ordered the flank steak and french fries, asked them not to bring the bread to the table, and reminded myself that I can eat all the food I want to eat - IOW, don't be afraid of the french fries.

Yes, it was as good as it looks. And I had all the fries I wanted, which wasn't actually a lot with all that meat. I ate about 1/4 of the fries and felt good. I struggled with the waste a bit but reminded myself that eating food that my body doesn't need is a bigger waste than discarding them. Still, it's hard sometimes, especially when the food is so good.

Like I said, it was a busy, stressful week at work and the fancy lunch was nice but it didn't touch the stress. By the end of the workday yesterday I was SO ready to visit the gym. As usual I was running late and had a preschool party to get to so I only had 20 minutes.

I hopped on the elliptical and within minutes I was thinking, "Thank God for the elliptical." It's like a machine made for someone recovering. So low impact, such smooth, easy movements. I ellipted (is that a verb?) away, built up a sweat and was probably smiling. I was so happy. By the time I hopped off 20 minutes later I felt like a new woman! And then the wheezing returned. Ugh. Guess I'll follow up with the doc soon. My doc, not hurryitup doc.

Today my midsection is a little sore and I'm sure it's from the exercise. I want to go to the gym again but I'm trying to be smart about it. Maybe tomorrow I'll do the upright bike. For today, I'm off to buy new running shoes before I get ready for a work going-away party for a dear friend I used to work with. I went to lunch (and ordered breakfast) with another friend today and as much as I wanted the crab/avocado/jack omelete (and I mean I really wanted it) I ordered the veggie omelet and asked them to go easy on the butter and cheese, with fruit instead of potatoes. I did eat the toast (which I asked for dry but came with butter and I ate anyway).

didn't think to snap a pic until I was halfway done

And, for those of you curious about what I eat, here's a random lunch picture from last week.

work cafeteria lunch - slice of ham, roasted veggies, salad, chili bean soup