Be Still (and Youth Track Races)

Low moments in life are hard. I'm knee deep in one now. I breathe, I take the next step, breathe again, and just try not to stop moving for too long. I'm sure that's one reason I've kept myself so busy lately. Just don't stop moving.

Well, this weekend I plan to stop moving for a bit. I'm doing it in a funny sort of way in that I'm headed to Lake Tahoe for the weekend with a cycling group. The group is doing a 24 mile ride on Saturday and the 72-mile ride around the lake on Sunday. Not sure I'm up for either but I'm going anyway. I'll decide how I feel once I'm up in the thin mountain air. Other options are a run or a hike.  All that said, even in movement, I hope to be still.

Things remain the same in the food and exercise department. My eating is marginally better and exercise remains promising. Not promising, more like damn good. Last week started with a Memorial Day run with my tri training peeps. I ran 4-miles in an area in which I'd never run, it was absolutely gorgeous! There were some wetlands with tall grasses rising out of the water, and the sun shining on the hills in the distance...I nudged myself to get lost in the green beauty of it all. I find if I can do that, I can carry that moment with me through the day, or even in the coming days. No music, no talking, just running...my breath, my body, movement and serenity.

After that my mom and I took the kids to a youth track race. It was so cute!

Marek was really nervous about running, at first saying he wouldn't, and then saying only if I held his hand the whole time. But then, ready...set...GO! And he was off like a bolt of lightening.

In the end he ran three "races", the 50 yard (or was it meters?), the 100 and the 400 meters. 400 meters was all the way around the track. Kids don't know how to pace themselves so it was a series of sprints with near stops as he lost energy but each time I was able to rev him up again with an on-the-go pep talk. After he crossed the finish line he puffed up with pride, "Mommy, I didn't think I could do it but I could!!" A life lesson youngling. [For both of us, see how he later inspired me with this statement to also do something I didn't think I could do].

Myra was one-and-done. We later found out she had strep throat so no wonder. Poor girl was a trooper considering she was sick and we didn't know it. She did have me hold her hand the whole time, a job I was proud to do.

Maybe I'll re-package this post at some point and add to it my Race Reports page. After the run we went straight to breakfast and I held nothing back. Omelet, hash browns, buttered toast...and then to a party at a friend's place. The kids got in the pool some but it was too windy for me. Instead I had a few drinks and did my best to lounge while the kids played. And then the holiday weekend came to a close.

Tuesday I hit the gym. I rode the upright bike for 25 minutes and then did legs/shoulders/core. Again I did as much of my regular routine as I could. My back is paying the price for that right now so I'd better take it a bit easier. My legs were sore on Wednesday so I decided that would be a day of rest.

Thursday I went to the gym again. I started with an outside run which I think was around 2.4 miles. It was super hot out and because the distance was shorter (than my normal 3 miles) I decided to include a monster hill. I had to talk myself up that hill, reminding myself that I don't quit. I. don't. quit. Don't get me wrong, walking is not quitting...but for me, in that moment, it was. And I had to say whatever I had to say to keep myself going. 80+ degrees and a ridiculously steep hill...it had to be done.

After that I did chest/triceps/core. I was out of time before I could complete everything but I managed  to get my pushups and enough triceps work to feel like I'm making progress. Not sure if I'll have time to get to the gym today but it's on my mental list. If not, maybe I could sneak in a run tonight once I'm up at Tahoe. Or pay a day-use fee at a local gym. I'm not too worried, I know my body will see plenty of action this weekend. Wait, that doesn't sound quite right. Eh, you know what I mean.

Food? What to say. I'm working on things. And I'm reminding myself that each time I fall out of my normal habits - whether it's due to illness or an injury or a slump or all of the above - each time I ease back into things, and as I ease in, everything slowly falls back into place. The point being, I'm trying to be mindful, make conscious choices, and not see having a whopper jr (hold the mayo) and a small fries for lunch, followed by some pseudo-healthy quinoa cluster snacks - as a sign that I'm failing.

I'm not failing, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm over my goal weight a bit but that should come as no surprise given I had major surgery. I'm moving, more often than not I'm making good food choices, and I'm thinking, blogging, paying attention. This is what real life success looks like. At least for my real life.

I won't be blogging from Tahoe but I'll post as many pics as I can before my battery dies. Follow me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter to keep up.

A Fine Line

Has it really been a week since my last post? Well, I have a pretty decent excuse. My laptop is on the fritz. The screen stopped working. To protect the innocent, nothing more will be said about that. My other excuse is that I've been busy as all get-out. My lists are growing longer and all I want to do is get some sleep!

To that end, this will be a quick post as it's already 10:45pm and I RSVPd as a strong maybe on an 8am run tomorrow morning. Truth is, I could sum my week up in as little as four words:

Food, ugh.
Exercise, yes!

That about does it. By way of example, tonight I had a bowl of cereal for dinner. Followed by an entire Costco sized bagel with cream cheese, then a small granola bar, and now some chocolate. Guess I should change my RSVP  on tomorrow's run to definitely. Eh, exercise has never been a means to atone for my eating, why start now?

Yes, exercise...in that department, I'm feeling better and better. I didn't get into the gym last week until Thursday. For whatever reason the thought of my normal cardio routine sounded dreadful so I pulled an old trick out of the bag. I call it machine-hopping, 10 minutes on the upright bike followed by 15 minutes on the treadmill. Technically I did 15:16 on the treadmill because I was this:close to 1.5 miles and couldn't stop running. I ran at 5.5-6.5 mph and felt damn good about my achievement. After that I did a set of pushups, squats and some shoulder raises and called it quits.

Then Friday came. Cue the dramatic music. I was in a bad mood. Bad. The holiday weekend was looming and I had few plans to speak of and, well, life. So when I got to the gym after work I just wanted to crush it. Crush what, you say? My bad mood. I still couldn't face a straight 25 minutes of anything so I started with 15 minutes on the elliptical (I always forget how hard you can work on those things if you push yourself) followed by a 1-mile treadmill run in 9:55 (yes, I was pushing for sub-10).

After the cardio I decided to dive, head first, into chest, triceps and core. It was either a gutsy decision reflective of my will and determination - or just plain stupid. The jury is still out. In any case, that's often a fine line anyway, right? I started with pushups. I used to do three sets of 20, 15, and 12 reps. Guess how many I did? You guessed it, 20, 15, 12. I wrote myself a little note to commemorate the moment.

I planked and twisted and pressed my way through the remainder of my routine. In the end, I couldn't quite do all the reps of my triceps stuff, those little muscles just gave out. But I kept going back to at least make an effort for every set. And when my abs were screaming at me to stop, I finally listened and did.

Other notes on my workout log that day are, "Owie" (as in, ouch) and "Go easy, M" but "You kick ASS!!!" is my favorite. The bummer is, despite all that my mood was still in the dumps when I left. Now that is unusual.

Riding home from the gym earlier this evening

Add to that, my abs are threatening to never do another crunch as long as I live. But remember, I said, Exercise, yes! Today my mom showed up earlier than I was expecting so I took the opportunity to sneak off to the gym. I rode my bike the 2.8 miles to the gym. Ah, the wind in my hair while my legs power me down the road - nothing else like it. Once at the gym I took it easy, not even logging my workout. I focused on back and biceps and even foolishly tried to do a plank (took me only 10 seconds before I realized my mistake). But I was able to do side crunches so some part of my core muscles are still intact. I told you, a fine line. I rode back home happy to have done something in the body building department.

Now it's 11:15 so I'll close by telling you that in addition to the above we've also been here there and everywhere this weekend. For people with few plans we managed to keep things moving. We had a pizza/movie night at a friends, a playdate at our house, a Lego outing and a pool party (it was a touch too windy for me to get in the water). It's been a lot of fun and a lot of work. Thankfully today was low-key. Tomorrow I'm taking the kids for their first-ever run event! It's a "youth track race" that starts with the (parent-accompanied) toddler dash up to 12-year olds. So cool! I'll be sure to tell you all about it.

Oh snap! Just remembered I also did this last week:

That's me getting a PFT, pulmonary function test. Interesting results, which I'll have to tell you about another day but can summarize by saying my lung functions are normal but still not. I'll say more about that next time. That's it from me!

PS - I'm 147 pounds. Two pounds over my goal weight. Sure hope I rise in time for that run tomorrow morning. 'Night all!

Happy Miles

I've had a few roller coaster days here. Thursday started out bad, I had a terrible morning. You know how things just sort of catch up with you sometimes? A variety of stressors that seem to hit you all at once? For me, not being able to exercise just compounds any stress I might be feeling related to work, family, you name it. As evidence of how bad my morning was, I give you Exhibit #1.

Yes, that's a huge muffin and a to-go coffee half filled with cream and sugar. Not a breakfast of champions. My day got worse before it got better with lunch being two bowls of AppleJacks (don't ask), but the good news is, it did eventually get better. I stopped digging the hole I was in and dragged myself to the gym.

At the gym I decided to tackle my first real post-surgery run. I really needed to run. Initially I told myself I'd "just go on a short run, maybe around the block" thinking I didn't want to push my body the first time out. Almost before my foot hit the ground I decided I'd try for 3 miles. That's just how my athlete brain works (see what I did there? ...and I just made myself teary calling myself an athlete).

I embarked on the goal of 3-miles, prepared to reconfigure the plan if my body wasn't up for it. I ran slow, easy, paying no attention to my pace but instead listening to my body, listening to how it felt and what it was telling me. Fortunately, it was all good news. Around mile two I started to feel achy but I knew I could continue. I got back to the gym feeling refreshed, renewed.

It felt so good to know I could still run. I know the fear that I might not be able to run anymore seems silly but there you go. So guess how long it took me to run three miles? Who cares, I ran three miles! I picked up the kids and we had a great time going over the 4th of July 1-mile fun run I'm hoping they can do. We did a bit of training, I had them running up and down the block. They are definitely off to a good start. We went to dinner and I made a choice that I thought balanced out the earlier crap - a salmon chef salad.

Friday was a day to recuperate from the emotional low of Thursday morning. I helped a friend buy a new car and ended up with a new (used) car for myself. I've been wanting a car with more seating so I can fit more kids for outings. The dealer we visited just so happened to have an older model Acura MDX that was similar in value to my slightly newer CR-V. So I did it!

The Acura has more miles and is a bit beat up cosmetically (I'm pretty sure the prior owners had kids) but it's perfect for us. It being older and already scuffed up, I won't be paranoid about the kids trashing it. I hope to get a minimum of 5 years out of it, 10 would be ideal. The good thing about those cars is, if you take care of them, they run forever. Want to see it?

You can't see the slightly cracked bumper, chips and scratches, or the nicks in the windshield, but no matter, it has all the bells and whistles my old car had - heated seats, sunroof, bluetooth, navigation - plus a bonus of a ceiling mounted drop-down screen for watching DVDs in the back seat. The kids (and I) will LOVE that for long trips.

As you know, buying a car takes all friggin' day so I skipped exercise. I'd already hit my goal of three workouts and I figured my body could rest after my first run outing the day prior. And then came Saturday. The weather was beautiful, warm with a cool breeze, and it was shouting out for me to run. I decided to try a five-mile route. Ambitious, I know, but again, I figured I'd just take it slow and easy and listen to my body. If I do that, I'd be ok. Besides, I can stop anytime if needed.

The route included some easy rollers, except since I haven't run in five weeks they weren't easy. This time I wore my Garmin but I tried to avoid looking at it during the run. I wanted to listen to my body, not my Garmin. In the end I ran five miles in 52:14 for a 10:27 pace. Works for me! Oh, forgot to mention I stopped at a shopping center for water in the middle of my run. I had a little break while waiting in line at Peet's for a glass of water (that break is not included in my time).

That's what happy looks like after a successful five mile run. My post-surgery midsection seems to be cooperating with running. I can feel some slight pulling now and then but nothing painful. Speaking of surgery, want to see a few tummy selfies? I took these after my run, hence all the sweat.

I'm pretty happy with how my recovery is going. What more could I want? I'm running, getting back into the weights, and just waiting on my abs to feel ready to work. All good, it's all good.

Well, that's it from me. I'm off to get more weekend-stuff done before Monday hits. Ugh, Monday, why'd I have to bring that up? Forget I said that...it's Sunday, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I'm enjoying the moment. Much happier thought. Later!

Starting Fresh, In This Moment

I had so much more I wanted to get done yesterday. I bet most of you can relate.

So I had an appointment with my doc in the morning. Not only is she a great doctor, she indulged me in a selfie! Gotta love that.

Anyway, this was a follow-up to my appointment with Dr I'm-so-busy three weeks. Can you tell I'm still irritated? I need to get over it.

Anyway, yesterday we talked about how I'm not coughing and the wheezing is much improved but still sometimes flares up. So she's sending me for a pulmonary function test to see what's happening there and to an allergist (thank you to the reader that suggested I ask about that) to see if there might be allergy triggers.

Other than that, I got a haircut...Thanks Susana!

And also did a lot of blog-related stuff. Blog maintenance work is surprisingly time consuming. And then...I went to the gym. I started with 25 minutes on the elliptical. I'm always surprised at what a tough workout you can get from that machine. I got off all sweaty and out of breath! Then I did a little bit of weights again, taking a stab at some shoulder and back stuff. I'm so wanting to be able to do what I did before and also know that's going to take time. The fact that I'm so enthusiastic about it is a great sign though!

Ok, last thing...my eating. Last night...do we have to talk about this? Yes, it always helps when I put it out there. I'm just going to write it...two bowls of Fruit Loops (don't ask why these are even in the house (hint: it's Miguel's fault) - lame excuse, I am entirely responsible for both keeping them in the house and for eating them), two chocolate chip cookies (the rest of which are now gone) and a random mix of snacks while cooking dinner (food I found left in the kids lunch pail - granola bar, string cheese) and other food I just sought out for no good reason - pita chips and possibly something else I'm not remembering.

So today I woke up feeling disappointed in myself. Mostly that I'm in a hole and yet continue to dig. I  did a lot of self talk.

"What's done is done, don't let it bring you down today."
"Yesterday's mistakes are already in the past, let them go."
"I've done nothing that can't be undone through making healthier choices."
"THIS feeling is why I want to make better choices, I don't feel good. The food was a temporary feel-good, this negative feeling is worse and not worth it."
"There are other ways to soothe myself in the evening."

You get the idea. So today I'm making better choices, right? Not so much. I'm on a lunch break at an all day training. Someone brought Girl Scout cookies and Almond Roca. I've been snacking on those. I brought a Fage, a banana and mandarins. I am committing, right now, for myself, to eat no more GS cookies or Almond Roca. I'm going to think out loud here for a moment..."I know I will feel better at the close of the day if I keep my commitment to myself, I can do this, for me, because I want something more, something that Girl Scout cookies and Almond Roca won't give me."

There, I feel a bit better already. Thanks for listening.

Two Piece Update

First off, I have to tell you, I am loving this Instagram thing. If you're following me then you already know, I'm going a little crazy with the picture posting. For those of you not familiar with Instagram, it's a photo-sharing website. A little like Facebook but instead of just following your friends (or vice versa) you can follow whoever suits your fancy (unless they have their page set to "private"). And then your "feed" is filled with pictures posted by the people you follow.

Here's a screenshot of my page to give you an idea of the pictures I'm posting. Mostly food and selfies but once I'm back at the exercise thing I'll start posting more pics of that too. And yes, that's a margarita.

So I have two pieces of news, no pun intended. The first is...I wore a bikini in public! This is not the first time (I did it once before), but it's the first time post-tummy tuck. What a difference! I still felt a little funny, in a I'm-not-quite-wearing-enough-clothes sort of way, but I got used to it as the day went on.

This was on Mother's Day. We stayed at my mom's the night before and had a lazy Sunday morning and her house. Then we went to the pool and met up with my mom-runner-friend Catherine and lounged there for most of the rest of the day. Don't get me started on all the food I ate. And we're not talking salads and carrot sticks either. But I'm going with the flow. I know once I get back to my regular exercise routine things will improve overall.

Which...brings me to the second piece of news...I went to the gym today. Yippee! I'm five weeks post-op today and while I have to wait one more week before I can start lifting weights, I'm clear to do anything else that feels good. So I started on the upright bike. I decided to just set the time/level to my old one, 25 minutes level 8, and go for it. I couldn't quite keep up my old pace but I lumbered through the whole 25 minutes and felt better for it.

After that I decided to do just a wee bit of strength training. Shh...I did a couple set of squats (no weights), some cable triceps stuff, bicep curls and one set of chest presses. Light weights, no pressure. Except that I tried to do a pushup. Bad idea. I got into position and that was fine but when I started to drop down, no bueno. Ok, so hold off on the pushups. But everything else was good. All-in-all I was there for about 40 minutes. The stress had been building, it was so good to sweat a little. Can't you tell by my post-workout smile?

I came home and decided that since I was in my gym clothes and it was really warm out, it would be fun to take the kids on a cruise around the neighborhood. They rode their bikes/scootered and I ran. Slow and easy with lots of starts and stops, but still running. My new shoes were comfy, though I wondered how they might be after several miles given how minimalist they are (not a whole lot of padding between my foot and the ground).

inov-8 runners. aren't they cute?!

It was fun to run, even under those circumstances. I'm looking forward to my first time back out there. And it will definitely be an "out there" run, not a treadmill one. I'll need to listen to my body and be able to make all those micro-pace adjustments you make when you're running outside. So I'd set the goal to exercise three times this week. One down, two to go. Easy peasey!