A Moment of Calm

I am sitting in my living room, the kids are napping.  I should be packing for our camping trip but instead I'm taking a little breather.  I know the next few days will be both fun and exhausting and there won't be many quiet, solo moments to be had so I'm taking advantage of this one. 

I went to the gym yesterday (Tuesday) and rode the bike for 25 minutes, doing Level 7 for the second time.  I ended up chatting the whole time with the woman next to me, which made the time fly by.  And each time I glanced at the bike I was going faster than usual...sweet!  I hopped off the bike and dug into chest/triceps/core work.  I noticed my shoulders were a bit sore and I have this weird twinge in my bike.  Weird because it's off to the side, which is not where my back usually acts up.  It feels like it might totally rebel at any moment and drop me to the floor in total agony if I make any sudden moves.  So I'm moving gingerly and mindfully engaging my core when I pick-up/put-down kidlings.  Let's hope it heals quick.

Anyway, my workout went fine.  I did more jackknife ab stuff and the trainer was there so he showed me a variation where you keep your legs straight and pull your feet toward your head, which shoots your butt in the air.  Hard!  AND you do pushups between each one!  Of course I loved it.  I'll throw those into the rotation.  I wonder what they're called?  As far as chest stuff goes, I think it's time to move to the bench and do real chest presses with a bar.  Maybe next time. 

After the gym I went for a 1:1 Pilates session. Yes, because I'm crazy like that.  Neurotic is probably a better term.  Part of me felt like I should skip the weight training given I was going to Pilates but I didn't want to feel like I missed anything since I'm short on workouts this week.  The Pilates session was all mat Pilates, no reformer stuff, so I can do these on my own later.  I was affirmed in my conclusion re: Pilates though, it's quite nuanced and you really need to practice to get it right.  It's like golf, or swimming - a ton of stuff to remember at any one time!  Toes pointed, breathe, drop your shoulders, ribs into the mat, neck down, you're not breathing, drop those shoulders, stabilize your core.  Ack!  I can see myself getting into it, especially if I had the funds to take several classes a week.  Of course everything was a bit harder than it might have been given that I just did all that stuff at the gym right before.  Next time I'll have to share some of the specific exercises she taught me.  Right now I've got to get back to my quiet time before the kids wake up.

Here's the plan for the rest of the week:  Gym tomorrow at the crack of dawn.  Maybe a run on the camping trip.  Fun, water, sand, fun, beer, food, fun.  Oh and sleep.  Please pray for me that my kids sleep this time!

Breathing Hard and Balance

When I realized I would miss some workouts this week (because of our camping trip) I decided I'd workout Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed and possibly Thursday to hit my goal of exercising 5 times per week.  I went to the gym yesterday and today (Monday) so two down, three to go.  But when I got home from work today I had a moment of insight and realized the error of my ways.  I know my body.  My body does not like to exercise more than three days in a row.  When I do, my body gets stiff, sore and tired.  So if I followed this plan I'd leave for our camping trip with a stiff, sore and tired body (probably grumpy too).  Forcing myself to do what I know doesn't work to hit my goal doesn't make much sense.  So I have a new plan.  I will go to the gym Sun, Mon, Tue, take Wed off and possibly go Thur (depending on if I have time).  Much better plan - both balanced and realistic.  And maybe, juuust maybe, I'll sneak in a run during our camping trip.  If the weather's nice (as in, not windy and cold) and the mood strikes.

Ok, back to today.  Today I went to the gym and did a nice 3 mile run outside.  It was a bit windy and I spent easily 1/3 of the run with wind in my face.  But I pushed myself to keep moving and I realized something.  In the past, whenever I'd start breathing hard I'd figure I was going too fast and I slowed down until my breathing became easy again.  But I think I've been too focused on this and I don't let myself work very hard as a result.  I ran the whole three miles today breathing hard.  Not gasping for breath or anything, but I also probably could only speak in short sentences if I had to talk.  I think for a three mile run it's perfectly fine to push myself like that.  And I'm learning I can be breathing hard and it's not necessarily a sign that I'm over-reaching.  Anyway, I ran 3 miles in 33 minutes, maintaining another 11 minute mile run.  Nice!  

After the run I did back/biceps/core for strength training.  I tried out an ab roller, I was able to do two sets of 8, though I wasn't sure my form was right.  I talked to a trainer at the gym and he told me they are bad for you.  Something about it being hard on your shoulders and your back in a bad way over time.  I came home and watched some YouTube videos and saw what correct form looks like.  I don't know, I might do them every now and then for fun.  They were a nice change and definitely a challenge.

I finished up my strength training routine and then headed home.  I have to say, I'm tired as heck tonight.  My cold is almost 100% gone so I doubt that's it.  Maybe just a too-busy weekend.  Like I said, I should have taken the day off today. 

Go, Go, Go!

Wow!  I haven't blogged since Thursday night and now it's Sunday night.  Well, it's been a busy few days.  I worked on Friday and then had to hurry home to do some volunteer time with my mother's club.  We were having a rummage sale on Saturday and I helped with set up Friday night.  I got home around 9:30 so no exercise on Friday.  Besides, I was feeling like I needed to rest given that my cold wasn't going away.  Saturday was more of the same.  I arrived first thing in the morning and stayed until around 4pm.  It was a good day, the rummage sale went great and I got a chance to pick up a few things for the kids too.  But oh boy, I was exhausted afterward.  And I missed the kids.  Since Thursday morning I'd spent less then 3 waking hours with them.  Saturday was a no-go on the gym too.  It was about missing the kids, being tired and figuring it was probably better for my body to get a little bit more rest too given the recovery from the cold. 

All that means I only went to the gym three times last week.  I don't feel bad about it really, it was a crazy busy week and I had a cold for most of it.  To top that off I was pms'ing, which doesn't exactly help with motivation. 

But today is the start of a new week.  I had a great morning with the kids, playing at home all day.  The weather was great so we spent a lot of time in the back yard.  My back was sort of hurting so I took some ibuprofen.  It was hurting a bit during the rummage sale, maybe all the standing did it.  In any case it didn't hurt a lot but just enough to make me waiver on the gym today.  I felt like I'd been going, going, going and I liked the idea of resting while the kids napped. 


Fortunately my smarter self kicked in and I started getting ready for the gym while Miguel put the kids down for a nap.  The weather was ridiculously gorgeous today so I decided to ride my bike to the gym.  I even chose to ride over a medium sized hill instead of taking the easier bike path route.  Once I got there I started in with legs/shoulders/core for strength training.  A bunch of lunges, shoulder presses, squats and russian twists later I decided to hop on the treadmill just for fun.  I thought I might run a mile but about 1/3 of the way in I knew that was a bad idea.  I still needed to ride home after all.  So I ran a 1/2 mile in 5 minutes and then rode home.  I was all blissed out riding home.  The weather was just so beautiful and the easy bike path route felt effortless.  I almost tagged on another few miles but then remembered I had to go grocery shopping and wanted to do that before the kids woke from their naps.

A fresh swipe of deodorant and a quick change of clothes and I headed out to the grocery store.  There was a time in my life when I would have thought not taking a shower after the gym was disgusting.  Now it's just another thing that's got to give when time is tight.  Besides, I probably keep that post-workout glow a little longer this way.  Anyway, off to the grocery store and then home to make dinner.  The kids woke up not too long after I got home.  I was so happy to spend the evening with my wee family. 

I can't believe it's Monday already tomorrow.  If I was a better planner I'd have taken tomorrow off.  But it's a short week because we've got something planned for next weekend.  Which I just realized will make me miss at least two days of exercise this week on Friday and Saturday.  Oh dear, something tells me I'll be breaking my rule of not working out for more than three days in a row.  Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.  I'm off to bed!

A Good Choice, Some Good Fun and Bad Timing

Fair warning...I am writing this post after a couple glasses of wine.  Add to that the pms, and that I have a cold and let's just hope I can write in complete sentences. 

But before I tell you about the wine I want to back up a tad and tell you about my gym visit today.  I was on the fence about going, mostly because of having the cold and it leaving me feeling so tired all day.  When it came time to make a decision I decided to go but do a modified workout.  I planned to do a short run, 10-15 minutes, and then do weights.  Several minutes into the run I made a new plan.  I decided to follow Couch to 5k but instead I'd use the walk intervals to run at my current comfortable pace, 5.0mph, and use the run intervals to run faster, at 6.0mph.  So I ended up running for 25 minutes after all.  The good thing was I felt fine.  Having a cold didn't seem to be holding me back.

A buddy of mine showed up and she was feeling sort of bleh about her workout so I gave her a little pep talk.  Not that she asked.  Oh dear, I'm the "isn't this fun?!" crazy gym lady!  But it's so easy to start feeling like the gym is just another chore, another thing that we should do.  Ok, off the crazy lady soapbox.  For now. 

Anyway, after the run I hit the weights for chest/triceps/core.  I did my pushups, still holding steady at three sets of 4 on the floor and 4 modified.  Then on to the rest of my stuff.  I found myself getting bored with the dumbbell chest press.  I think it's time to move to a bench and do the press with a bar.  Even if it's just an empty bar (I think the empty bar weighs, what, 25 pounds?).  Maybe next time I'm at the gym I'll give it a try.

I came home and was making dinner when Miguel asked me what time I had to be at my thing.  What?  What thing?  Doh!  I almost forgot I had a dinner with the mother's club at 6:30.  And it was 6 and I was still in my workout clothes.  Quick shower and change and I was headed out the door.  I made it just in time.  And oh boy did I have a good time.  There were a mix of women there that I knew and I met some new women as well.  All of them were great fun, those ladies had me cracking up with laughter.  I'm sure the wine didn't hurt.  And boy did I eat.  Pizza, cheesy bread, fried calamari, sweet potato fries...there was an endless amount of food!  You know I have no willpower when I drink so I had a bit (or, maybe more than a bit?) of everything.  And after all that we shared a chocolate brownie sundae.  Yummmy! 

And all I can say is, thank goodness I went to the gym!  I would feel like a total slug if I hadn't worked out today.  Unfortunately my timing sucks though because tomorrow is weigh-in Friday.  I have a feeling it's not going to be the week I drop into the 160s.  But at this moment, I feel it was totally worth it.  Tomorrow, when my head is clear, when the wine has totally worn off and the stark reality of the scale is staring me in the face - well, hopefully the memory of the laughter and chocolate sundae will help ease the pain. 

Night all!

Fat on the Brain

I just took a second dose of DayQuil so that makes it official.  I am definitely sick.  But so far it's still only in my head, no chest symptoms, which is good.  Though my buddy Katie, who is a nurse, pointed out that she's not aware of this symptoms in your head = workout, in your chest = rest theory of mine.  I don't remember anymore where I read it but I'm thinking maybe it's an old wives tale.  Or a new wives tale.  Oh boy, my head is buzzing a bit, I think I might have over done it a bit on the cold meds.  I think I'm skipping the gym today.  I can almost hear your collective, DUH!

Since I'm not exercising today I'll use this post to write about what's going on in my head (no, not the cold).  I think my mental self-image is stuck and I need to get it un-stuck.  I was overweight for so many years of my life.  I spent decades seeing a fat Michelle in the mirror.  In the several years before getting pregnant I finally made what felt like real (and permanent) changes to my body, and my mind seemed to be catching up to the idea that I wasn't fat.  Which is good.  Not just good, but absolutely mandatory if I'm going to keep the weight off.

I'm sure I've written about this before but I am convinced that the mental image, the feeling of being overweight or fat, is one of the reasons so many of us eventually relapse and go back to actually being overweight.  Think about it, if I make all these great changes, do all this hard work and lose all this weight, get fit, change my lifestyle etc - but inside I am still fat, I am still that big girl, I'm left with this feeling of not being there yet, of not having reached my goal, of perpetually being not good enough.  You're left with always striving to get "there" - to some magical place where you are thin and fit and feel good about your body.  But there can be here.  It's exhausting to be forever striving to get somewhere and yet never getting close, let alone arriving.  Who wouldn't give up eventually?  If I don't go through that mental transformation in addition to the physical one, I think that's a major red flag for relapse.

As I write this I am reminded that I used pictures of myself to shift my mental image when I lost weight before the kids.  I made a collage of "before" and current pictures and put them up on the fridge.  I think I need to do that again.  I took these pictures of me in my Gap jeans yesterday.  I didn't end up posting them because they are so fuzzy (and the kids hand prints are all over the mirror!) but I think I'll post one now next to a 2011 picture.   

This is a comparison of late February 2011, when Myra was 5.5 months old, to now.  These post-Myra pictures are probably the best representations of how I think I look in my mind.

And one from April 2011, when Myra was 6 months old, compared to now.

I can definitely see a difference in the top picture and also in the bottom picture, though less so.  I don't have a ton of pictures from the first half of 2011 but the way I look in these pictures is where my brain is stuck.  But seeing these images really helps.  I might have to put these up on the fridge for a while.  I need to start taking and posting more pictures of myself.  I think that will help get my brain in gear.

Thanks for humoring me as I stumble along this journey.  The kids are napping so I'm going to cuddle up with a blanket and hopefully get an hour or so of rest.