Teaming up with my Subconscious

First off I want to thank my good friend Kristy for her endless support on my journey.  I also want to thank Lyza, Cherry, and Sheryl for giving me some support after my last post.  It always helps to be given tips, support and reminders to keep things in perspective.  Despite an expected gain this week (I'm up .8 pounds over last week) I'm actually doing pretty well.  I went to the gym after work yesterday and started with a 25 minute run on the treadmill.  My treadmill runs lately have been to run at 6.0mph most of the time but every 5 minutes I run faster for one minute.  Yesterday I ran the "faster" at 7.0mph!  Would you get ahold of me?!  So at minutes 5, 10 and 15 I ran at 7.0 for one minute.  But at minute 20 I ran at 7.0 for two minutes.  That about killed me.  Except it didn't.  I did my cooldown and then hopped off the treadmill feeling quite pleased with my speedy self.

After the run I did legs/shoulders/core for strength training.  I'm still getting accustomed to change in my routine.  I was doing curtsy lunges and I think I lunged a bit too far back because my left glute was not happy.  I had to baby it for the rest of the workout.  Which was a better option than pushing through and then possibly landing on the DL for a couple days.  The DL, for those that don't watch sports, is the disabled list.  That's the term in our household, picked up from one too many SF Giants games.  Anyway, my workout was fabulous.  I got home late and had to scrounge together a weird dinner of string cheese, 2 crackers, 1/3 of an avocado, and a corn on the cob.  Oh, and lots of fruit salad.

Oh, but I'm forgetting to tell you about the most interesting part of my day yesterday.  I went to see a hypnotherapist.  I have been interested in hypnosis for a while now.  And not the cluck-like-a-chicken TV version but the real deal, which is more like a deep state of relaxation.  I saw a Plum District deal for a session with William Song in San Francisco so I went for it.  And he was amazing!  He did a consultation first and then the session.  He spent over an hour explaining the hows/whys of hypnosis as well as getting a solid understanding of what I wanted to address.  And what did I want to address?  Food of course.  But very specifically, I wanted to address those "episodes" I used to have about once every month or two where I would start eating and couldn't seem to stop despite a conscious desire to stop.  Those food meltdowns, as I have been known to call them, really bug the heck out of me.  I think it's the overwhelming feeling of being out of control that really unnerves me.  In any case, that's what I chose to work on with William.

So the first hour or so were spent learning about how William practices and identifying my issue.  The main goal is to get the subconscious and the conscious working as a team.  Powerful idea, right?  After a short stroll around the office building, we started the session.  William taught me how to get to a very relaxed state so my subconscious mind was accessible.  It wasn't about waving a watch in front of me and putting me into a trance, it was about getting verrrrrryyyy, relaaaaaaaxxxxed.   Then the conversation ensued in which ideas, thoughts, beliefs, etc, were exchanged.  I don't feel capable of explaining the whole process but I can summarize by saying I walked out with a plan to change the habit by changing my beliefs about the habit, as well as my belief about my control over the habit, as well as my behaviors.  I have to say I feel I was ripe for this type of experience.  So much of what I've learned goes hand-in-hand with what William espouses.  Self efficacy, gentleness, non-judgmental encouragement, and being willing to take an active role in your own change process.  Or THE active role in your own change process.  I don't expect it will be too long before I say, "Who was that woman that stood at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal (and getting angry about it) at 11 o'clock at night?".  One thing that's already different is I can think about those episodes without feeling tension and frustration.  I am managing it.  I can manage.  That's a positive thing already.  I have a feeling I'll be back.  If you're curious about my experience and have more questions feel free to email me.  My email link is at the bottom of my FAQ page.

I'm off to the gym after work today.  Miguel is going fishing with some friends so I'll be on my own this evening.  And he works tomorrow so I'll be on my own tomorrow too!  I'm taking the kids to a pool party.  I think I'll pack my own food for snacking.  And in the evening I'm doing a homemade Thai dinner with a friend.  I went to the Asian market and got all the fun, exotic ingredients.  That should be fun!  That's my only social meal planned for this week where I'll be less than particular about what I eat.  The rest of the week - game on! 

Slump, Plateau, Stuck...call it what you want, I'm knee deep in it

I'm doing my workouts, all is good with exercise.  But my weight is hardly moving, my motivation is stale and my eating is wobbly.  So I'm focusing on maintenance, trying not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and gain 5 pounds while waiting for my motivation to come back.  But if that happens, I'll survive.  It's not like I'm in a bad place really, I'm just not in a great place.  Treading water and continuing to take my own advice is where it's at.

So I'm totally out of points and I'm going out to dinner tonight.  I've been working on a bad habit of weighing myself too many times throughout the week so I know I'm not going to lose weight this week, maybe even gain.  But I shouldn't let that knowledge lead me to go off the rails tonight with the food.  I shouldn't...but I might.  Man, it's hard to stay focused in the summertime with all the social stuff going on. 

Though like I said, things are rolling along with the exercise.  I had a nice treadmill run on Monday, followed by chest/triceps/core work.  Yesterday I did back/biceps/core followed by 30 minutes of a spin class.  Those spin classes are no joke!  I was working my butt off for those 30 minutes.  I left the gym feeling good. 

Well, that's all I got.  Hang in there with me!

The Positive Talk Breaks Through

I'm in the middle of a (well-earned) lazy Sunday afternoon.  The kids are napping and I'm watching bad TV.  Yesterday was an action packed day of fun that wore the whole family out.

But before yesterday there was last week so I'd better catch up with that first.  Wednesday was a rest day so I didn't exercise, though I did take the kids for a little stroll around the neighborhood.  Toddler pace doesn't cause me to break a sweat but at least we moved some.  My eating last week was so-so, I stayed within my points but I didn't always make the best choices.  I know a calorie is a calorie but I feel such a big difference when I eat healthy, wholesome foods.

Thursday I was feeling a bit run down.  My body was sore and I felt tired.  I started wondering if I should skip the gym.  I don't do that sort of thing very often, the gym is a priority for me.  But I know my body pretty well by now and when I'm feeling sore and tired it's more rest that I need, not more exercise.  So I took the day off and felt certain I'd done the right thing.

Friday was weight-check day, 152.8 pounds.  Almost lost the whole 3 pound gain from the week prior, still .2 to go.  I think this weight loss thing is getting a bit tougher.  Or maybe not, who knows.  Anyway, I was happy to be back in the 152 range.  I went to the gym on Friday and had a fabulous workout.  I rode the bike for 25 minutes, level 7.  Any day now I'm going to give level 8 a try.  Then I did legs/shoulders/core.  I threw in a few of the moves Bridgett (the trainer) taught me.  I did curtsy lunges and jump squats.  Oh, and I did some brutal core stuff - namely, the double crunch.  You lie on your back with your knees up and a medicine ball between them, with your hands back behind your head holding a dumbbell.  Then you crunch up, reaching the dumbbell toward your knees and your knees up toward your chest.  Ouch!  This is the closest video I could find, but put a dumbbell in his hands and a med ball between his knees (with bent legs).  I also took my hanging leg raises from the captain's chair to those arm hangy things - much tougher.  I'm sure I'm forgetting something, which reminds me I need to update my current workout page here on the blog.    Anyway, I had a fabulous workout.  After that I had to run some things over to a friend's house and...wait for it, waaaaiiiit...I wore a tank top.  In public.  First. time. ever.  And my friend was so nice, "you should wear tank tops more often because you're stacked."  Ha!  (Thanks Laurie!)  Anyway, I think people telling me that my arms are not as bad as I think finally helped me to settle down.  If you tell enough people about your fat arms and all those people squint back at you like you're crazy, you start to think you might be crazy.  So I did it.  And you know what?  I felt a little weird but I survived.  And not one kid pointed and yelled, "look at that lady with the fat arms!".  Don't get me wrong, I know my arms are disproportionately big, but they are not that big and certainly not so big that I can't wear a tank top.  Gasp!  Thank you to everyone who's given me positive feedback about my arms, it helped me have a breakthrough. 

So I was feeling groovy on a hot Friday afternoon.  And then came Friday night.  A friend (Hi Wendy!) called about going out for a drink, which sounded like fun.  Her husband came over to play poker with Miguel and his buddies while she and I headed out.  I'd had dinner already but it was fairly light and by this time, maybe 8:30 or so, I was hungry again.  So we shared two appetizers, a wedge salad (with vinegar as a dressing) and bruschetta (with avocado on it, that's a first).  Thank goodness I ate.  We had a few drinks and came back home.  That's when I made my mistake.  I started drinking beer.  I think I had 2 but I can't be sure.  All I know is I was drunk.  Really drunk.  Before I went to sleep I tried to drink water and have some bread but my body wasn't having it.  I'll spare you all the ugly details and just say I ended up paying for my reckless alcohol intake.  That's a lesson I won't forget for a while.

Thank goodness Saturday is a rest day.  I woke up feeling groggy and with a headache.  Food was a tenuous venture and I felt nauseous for most of the morning.  I managed to have breakfast though before heading out the door.  We actually had a busy day planned.  The local athletic club had an open house for my mom's group so we took the kids.  It was a super hot day and they had tons of fun in the pool.  I had a burger and some chips for lunch.  That and some pink lemonade and I was starting to feel better.  Playing in the pool with the kids all day was work but we had a fun time.  We headed home for a quick turn around because we had plans to go to a friend's house for a bbq dinner/pool party.  Yep, more pool time.  I can't tell you how much more I enjoy the pool when I'm not busy feeling self conscious about my body.  Fortunately these friends are super healthy so we had grilled chicken, grilled veggies and other healthy stuff for dinner.  And I stayed away from the alcohol, obviously.  What a day!  So much fun, and friends, and sun, and water - I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Sunday swim session at IVC college

I woke up this morning thinking maybe the 8am swim workout I'd signed up for was a bad idea.  I had intended to ride my bike the 5 or so miles to the pool but that didn't happen.  But I did make the swim workout.  It was a beautiful morning and swimming was a nice change of pace.  I was talking to another swimmer about how frustrated I am with my swimming, I just know I'm wasting a ton of energy because of poor form.  She suggested I do a video coached swim with Coach Neil.  She said she did it because of her own frustration at being so slow and not being able to get faster and that it made a huge difference.  You do the first session, watch the film, make changes.  Then you go out and practice your new swim for a week and do another video session.  I'm seriously tempted, I need to make some serious breakthroughs if I want to step it up in the swim department, which I do.

After the swim workout it was back home to spend some time with the kids while Miguel played soccer.  Marek ended up going to a friend's house for a while so I took Myra to Goodwill to look for, what else?, tank tops.  I found a couple but nothing to write home about.  But I did find a really cute J.Crew bag that's perfect for beach days.  Score!  I hope to have at least a few more of those before summer ends.

Well, that's it for me.  I'm getting hungry and the kids will wake up any minute now so I need to get back to my movie (Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead) and grab a snack while I can.

Food, Drink and Fun

Has it only been four days since my last post?  Seems like that was weeks ago.  I think that's because I've packed quite a bit of activity into these last few days.  On Friday evening my mom came over and helped me make an English trifle for a welcome baby party I was co-hosting the next day.  I was perfect and didn't take one bite while making the trifles.  I had my fair share of tastes.  I did my best to guess how to track it.  By the way, I had to skip the color run for this party, which was fine. The color run seemed more fun than run for my taste anyway.

On Saturday morning my trifles and I went to the party.  It was a brunch and there were all sorts of yummy stuff, including a french toast casserole.  Have you ever heard of such a thing?  Oh my, seriously good stuff.  In addition to that we had quiche, fruit salad, yogurt and granola, pastries...and the trifle of course.  Oh, and bacon!  How could I forget the bacon.  I definitely indulged.  If I don't lose the whole 3 pounds I gained last week then I will probably blame the brunch.  That and the alcohol, but that comes later in the weekend.  Want to see my trifle?  It's a crappy cell phone pic but you get the idea.

Layers of yummy goodness.  And hey, there's some fruit in there so it's not all bad.

After the shower I went shopping.  Trying on clothes was a definite boost that helped alleviate any negative feelings I had about the brunch food.  I don't feel guilty/shameful/bad/etc after I indulge but I don't feel that extra good feeling that comes from eating on plan.  And by plan, I mean my own plan.  If I'd not gone back for that extra piece of bacon (or two) and some other nibbles I would have kept that extra good feeling.  I'll have to try to remember that for next time.  That's something the Beck book reinforces a lot, "remember, you'll feel better if you follow your plan."  The good thing is, I didn't go crazy with the food, just a tad more than I needed.  And I ate pretty light for the rest of the day to balance things out, which was helpful.  Sheesh, we're still on Saturday?!

On Sunday I spent the morning at home with the kids before heading to the gym in the afternoon.  I did a run from the gym around that neighborhood and I really pushed myself to run fast.  That 4th of July run convinced me that I'm capable of more than I thought.  I didn't have my garmin with me so I had to map the mileage later.  I ran just over 2.8 miles in 25 minutes.  That means a pace of 9:10 per mile, which is 6.5mph.  Damn girl!  When I stopped running I felt sick, like I might throw up.  Guess that means I was pushing pretty hard out there.  I have to be careful not to set this as the new standard though, I don't have the mental energy to run that hard all the time.   After the run I did chest/triceps/core for strength training.  I threw in a few extras to mix things up - held the plank for longer, did a side plank twist thing.  I've been feeling like I need to make some changes with my strength training routine, I've been doing the same thing for a while now.  More on that in a bit.

After the gym I had to get ready quick for a concert. Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney!!!  You might not find this sad but I was bummed I didn't have any tight jeans to wear.  Too big and saggy.  But hey, at least I was comfortable.  I brought a healthy burrito to take with since vendor food was not on the agenda.  The concert was awesome!  We left town a tad later than we'd planned and then there was a ton of traffic so we missed the opening acts but Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney didn't disappoint.  And Steve Miller joined in on the fun too!  I went from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, LA.  Oh my gosh, we had so much fun dancing and singing the night away.  Tim didn't sing my favorite song though - Don't Take the Girl - which is probably good because it's not exactly an upbeat song and I was in an upbeat mood!  And I have the pictures to prove it ;)

Pre-concert. Erica, me, the other Michelle and Monique.  Don't we look harmless?

Still looking civilized.  Thanks for a SUPER fun time ladies!

Look at that body!  My friend said he's been working out 3x a day on tour.

Starting to unwind a bit.  And...this is the last picture I'm posting.

What fun!  I had a few drinks but stopped a couple hours before we left since I was driving.  It was perfect - enough alcohol to cut loose but not so much that I had a hangover.  I tracked as best I could between the alcohol and the tailgate snacks I ate on the way home (tortilla chips and cheddar cheese).  After the three pound gain last week I'm trying my darndest to stay within my points.  It's just hard when there's all this food, drink and fun to be had!  And don't tell me food and drink aren't all wrapped up in the fun, sometimes, it's a package deal, right?

Monday morning came bright and early after the late night.  A while back I purchased a groupon for a one month pass and a free training session at another gym.  After work I went to that gym and did 25 minutes on the upright bike before meeting the trainer, Bridgett Sullivan, for the session.  Best training session ever.  I told her what I wanted and she delivered.  I told her I was getting bored with my routine and that I wanted to learn some new moves I could mix in with what I'm already doing.  It was a whirlwind of activity as she taught me probably 10-15 new exercises.  And they were almost all free weight/body weight exercises, which is, again, what I asked for.  The only "machine" we used were the cable weights.  The only bummer was that my left hamstring tightened up early on in the session so I was kind of limited in what I could do after that.  Still, I learned a lot.  I'd love to walk you through each new exercise she gave me but it's getting late.

Today, Tuesday, I was home with the kids (my daycare provider is closed).  Thankfully my mom came over to see the kids so I was able to go to the gym.  I did a 25 minute run on the treadmill.  My hamstring is still a bit tight so I didn't push myself too hard.  I did 6.0mph with 6.5mph at every 5 minute interval.  Then I did 6.5 for four of the last five minutes.  My glutes were sore from the training session the day before but it was the good kind of sore.  After the run I did back/biceps/core.  I did a few new things Bridgett taught me including bent over rows while standing on one leg with the other leg straight out behind me (video example), Bicep curls/shoulder press done with a step up to a bench on each rep (video example), Swiss Ball exchange (video), and some other stuff I couldn't find YouTube examples for and can't explain.  It was great to be doing some new stuff and I'm looking forward to trying out the other stuff she taught me.  Tomorrow is a rest day and I'm sure my body needs it.  I'm supposed to do legs and shoulders on Thursday.  We'll see if my hamstring is up for the task by then, it's still a bit tight.

Oh geez, it's almost midnight.  You know these kids won't let me sleep in past 7am (6:30 if they're bad, 7:30 if they're angels) so I'd better call it a day.

Following My Own Advice

For a couple different reasons I had a weight gain this week, 3 pounds.  I know I often think I'm going to see a weight gain and then I don't, but this week I did.  I'm doing a little food experiment and that's mostly the explanation for the gain, that and the side effects of the experiment.  I'll have to go into that more at a later time, it's not quite ready for print.  Gaining weight is a downer, and I'm finding myself feeling bummed out/less excited about following my whole plan, at least this week.  I always tell people to think of weeks like this as practice for maintenance and to focus not on losing weight, but on maintaining your weight. So I need to take my own advice and ride this out.  I can't expect to lose weight every week, at least not the way I'm doing things.  I'm not following a strict plan, I'm not on a deadline, I'm not depriving myself, and I like doing it this way, it keeps me happy and feeling alive and whole.  So if that's the way I want to do it, I need to live with weeks like this.  Let's just hope the scale isn't too painful next week.

Now, let's get off that evil subject (the scale).  I'm having a great week otherwise!  Wednesday I took the kids to the beach.   We visited Chicken Ranch Beach on Tomales Bay in Inverness.  We're so lucky to live in an area with tons of outdoor options.  It was a blistering hot day but cool and breezy on the water.

I forgot my camera so had to snap a picture with my crappy cell phone camera.  There's a little river that runs into the bay here, perfect spot for the tots to play in the water.  I mostly just sat around watching them play, which was nice.

As far as my workouts are concerned I did end up taking a class on Tuesday, a Core Conditioning Swiss Ball class.  We did a fair amount of supermans, crunches, supine hip extensions and the like.  It was a fun change of pace.  After the class I did a 15 minute walk on the treadmill.  I upped the incline .5 every minute for a challenge.

Yesterday (Thursday) I did 25 minutes on the bike but dropped it down to level 5 since this is still a recovery week.  Afterward I did back/biceps/core with reduced sets.  I need some new core exercises.  I like what I'm doing but it's time for a change.  I have one more training session to use so I think I'll do that soon.

And finally, today, Friday.  The last day of my recovery week and the first day of my WW week.  I'm excited to start a new week. At the gym I did a run/walk, finishing up with 5 minutes of running at 6.5mph.  Then I did legs/shoulders/core but reduced sets.  I've enjoyed my recovery week - it's nice to have it "easy" now and then. 

I have a baby welcoming party tomorrow and a concert on Sunday evening.  Time in between will be spent with my little angels.  I love the weekends...who doesn't, right?