What a Difference a Year Makes!

Yesterday, Tuesday, was a good day.  In my insanity Monday I missed the fact that it was my one-year anniversary of being "back" on track.  What a year!  I lost over 40 pounds and got back to my pre-baby weight.  So yesterday I did a little mental happy dance and celebrated my achievement.  Fortunately there was no cake involved in this celebration.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch...things are slowly returning to normal around here.  My eating is returning to something in the sane realm, I'm tracking everything and I'm feeling better about things in general.  My mind still jumps back to Sunday and Monday and the choices I made but I quickly remind my brain that we're moving on.  I am so appreciative of the support I got from all of you.  It's sometimes maddening that you can be at this for as long as I've been and *still* have those days when you feel like all is lost, like you're doomed to failure, like you've done irreparable harm - despite all the historical evidence to the contrary.  I guess that's what makes those days and the thinking that goes along with them irrational.  I just wish that intellectual knowledge took the bad feelings away - maybe one day.

Oh!  I almost forgot, the MudFactor pictures were posted.  There was one of me!  This is going over the medium-sized wall, I think.  I love the view in the background, it really was a gorgeous day.

So today is a day off from the gym but I went yesterday and did 25 minutes on the upright bike and chest/triceps/core work.  The core work was kicking my butt for some reason but I did it.  My free year is up at my gym soon.  I have to decide if I'm going to stay or not.  Miguel is going to a 24-hour gym a few towns away but we're thinking about joining something local together.  Problem is, mine is only open until 9pm and he needs one that's open until 10 because he sometimes works out when the kids go to bed.  I visited a few so we'll see.  I'm sort of emotionally attached to my gym so this is going to be hard.  But I hope we can find one we both like that's not going to break the bank.  I already told Miguel I want to cut down our cable bill, we hardly watch tv at all anyway.

I have some fun news.  A few weeks ago I received an email from the George Foreman grill people.  They are running a 12-week "diet" challenge using the George Foreman grill.  I filled out the application and just received word that I'm in!  I'll get a free George Foreman grill, meal plans and recipes, support from a registered dietician and "other incentives" throughout the 12 weeks.  Once I get the starting kit I have to send them my measurements, weight, pictures, etc.  The contest officially starts on June 18th and there are prizes. To be honest, I don't have high hopes of winning anything, I'm just looking forward to trying out the grill and having the support for 12 weeks.  I've actually been considering buying one so I'm excited to try out the grill.  I hope I can put a frozen chicken breast in it.  And I hope they send me one big enough to cook for the family!  I see they have one that holds four burgers at once, that's what I need.  Though there is no requirement for me to blog about the challenge but I'm sure I'll be telling you all about it.

Two Posts in One Day? (that's never a good sign)

Two posts in one day, what's going on here?  I'll tell you, I had a horrible food day today and I need to get it off my chest.  Horrible.  I should start by saying I was in a grumpy mood all morning, a bit of a headache and still crampy and, well, it's Monday.  My plan for lunch fell apart and I decided to go to Taco Bell and get two fresco chicken soft tacos.  At 4 points each they are not a bad choice for fast food.  Except I didn't get that.  Instead I got one regular taco with sour cream and one fresco chicken soft taco.  According to WW the regular taco was only 4 points too (+1 for the sour cream).  Not sure I get that but whatever.  But I didn't know that at the time and the taco bell made my bad mood better for a moment, then worse. 

I got back to my office and the girl scout cookies that have been sitting in my office for months suddenly started tempting me.  I opened up a box and ate an entire roll of peanut butter cookies.  Turns out that's about 9 cookies, 14 points in all.  My mood was in the tank.  I ate a ton of food over the weekend, my weight is up by a gazillion pounds (I know I'm being totally irrational) and I'm eating crap. 

I was in the midst of talking myself out of going to the gym when I gave myself a stern, "Snap out of it!" and left for the gym, albeit late.  I got on the treadmill and ran for 15 minutes (that's all I had time for) and then started into legs/shoulders/core for strength training.  I was doing shoulder raises in front of the mirror when I had a moment, "Why do you doubt yourself?".  I'd been doing a lot of negative self talk all day and really questioning my ability to reach my goals.  Then, at the gym, seeing my shoulder muscles move to lift the weights, I was feeling a bit stronger, a bit more capable but also disappointed with how quickly I sold myself down the river.  I hope that by continuing to do the work I'm doing with the Beck book and by growing and learning through this blog, I hope these wild fluctuations go away altogether one day. 

So by the time I was done with my weights I had a few minutes left so I decided to get back on the treadmill.  I did another 5 minutes and got up to 6.5mph toward the end.  In the end I only missed 5 minutes of my run and I didn't get to stretch.  Just realized I never did stretch like I planned to do when I got home.  Anyway, on my way out of the gym I saw a fellow gym-goer that I sometimes chat with.  I told her I felt like crap after eating a bunch of cookies.  She tells me she ate a pint of ice cream before coming to the gym!  This woman is one of the fittest women at the gym, her body is amazing.  I'm actually hoping to interview her soon for the blog.  We only chatted for a moment but it was just what I needed.  A reminder that life happens, that I am human like the rest of us, and that it's ok.

Whew, I'm done.  I went to bed way too late last night, probably part of my grumpy mood today, and I don't want to make that same mistake again so I'm off to bed.  Thanks for listening. 

Camping, Food, Running, Food, Beach, Food...you get the idea

Camping was a success!  We arrived on Thursday and set up camp.  A friend and her daughter, our regular camping buddies, joined us.  While they were putting the finishing touches on our campsite I snuck away for a 25 minute run.  Several miles of the Cross Marin Trail, following the old Northwest Pacific railroad line, cut through the park - perfect for a scenic (and flat) run.  I didn't wear a gps so I don't know how far or fast but I do know I was pushing myself to run hard, which felt good.  When I got back I did as many leg/shoulder exercises as I could with no equipment.  I did some squats, lunges and used liters of water for shoulder raises.

I will spare you the blow-by-blow on my eating but just know that I ate like a person without a care in the world.  Between that and it being TTOTM I am up a whopping 5.8 pounds this fine Monday morning!  Wowza.  I'm back on track starting this morning and hoping that come Friday I will have at least dropped a few of those pounds.  I am going to take a pass on an official weigh-in for last week.  No need to add salt to the wound.

So the food intake was unbalanced but the exercise was good.  On Friday I did another afternoon run on the bike path.  We'd spent the day lounging by the water at Tomales Bay and I'd had a beer and I really wasn't feeling like running.  So I told myself to just take it easy and that something is better than nothing.  I did a 30 minute run and barely got my heart rate into the 150's the whole time.  Afterward I did some chest/tricep/core exercises - pushups, planks, situps, dips - whatever I could think of.  Myra climbed on my back while I was holding the plank so I did 20 seconds instead of 40!  Holding a plank with an extra 20+ pounds of moving toddler is not easy.

Saturday I took my customary day off from exercise.  We spent the day hanging out next to the creek.  The kids had fun throwing rocks and splashing water.  It was a beautiful, leisurely day. 

After breakfast on Sunday morning we got to packing up.  Mostly Miguel packed while I kept the kids entertained.  Our campsite was overlooking the creek so I took the kids for one last rock-throwing party.  It was so nice to be unplugged from the world for a few days, watching the kids wear themselves out with good, nature-filled fun.  I forgot to mention the park had a lot of poison oak and I react horribly to that stuff.  Fortunately there was none growing directly around our campsite or in the creekside spots where we played. 

We got home at lunchtime so I fed the kids and put them down for their naps before heading off to the gym.  I could have easily skipped it but I knew the damage I'd done with food needed to be balanced with some exercise.  I did 25 minutes on the bike and then back/biceps/core for strength training.  It felt good to be back in the gym.  I was figuring I'd leave the "bad" eating behind but after dinner I ended up going out for a quick hello to my mother's club mom's night out.  I had some red wine and more chocolate based food than I had any right to be eating at that point.  Oh well, I'm chocking it all up to a weekend well-lived and getting back to my routine this morning.

The number on the scale this morning was disheartening.  But the good news is, it's no mystery.  I know probably half of it is due to my diet this weekend and the other half is hopefully from TTOTM.  It might take me a week or two to drop the camping weight but in the grand scheme of things I know it doesn't mean a whole lot.

Last thing - have you noticed I haven't shared a single picture?  That's because I didn't take any.  Marek broke our small camera and I didn't feel like bringing the big one.  Miguel took a few on his phone so maybe I can get those and post some later.  It's ok though, sometimes it's nice to just be.

6.3 is the new 6

I'm going to start this blog post knowing that I probably won't be able to finish it.  And times are tight these days because we're leaving on a weekend camping trip tomorrow.  Ok, so I better get to it.  Monday was a good day.  Miguel went to play golf and I got to hang out with the kids at home.  Marek had a friend over all morning and they had a lot of fun playing.  But, man, those kids are exhausting!  When Miguel came home I did not feel like going to the gym.  The thought of sitting on the stationary bike wasn't very exciting.  But the thought of riding a real bike sounded fun so I decided I'd ride my bike to the gym, lift weights, and then ride my bike home.  Cardio + Strength Training + some outdoors = Winning.  On the way there I decided to bypass the new "easy" bikepath route and take the old route which includes a hill.  I got there and did chest/triceps/core for strength training.  Pushups are still a nice challenge.  Miguel tells me I should start doing them every morning if I want them to get easier.  I don't know, pushups before coffee doesn't sound like my style.  I rode the bike home and again opted to take the route with a hill.  This is a big hill and it's actually getting easier.  I'm getting closer to being ready to try a really big hill soon.

My eating has been pretty good, I'm spreading my points out more evenly throughout the week and I have to admit, it feels weird.  I'm used to indulging big on the weekends and then having to be near perfect the rest of the week.  This way I feel like I'm indulging every day (though in a smaller way).  Different.  We'll see if/how this affects the scale.  Though not this week.  I'm about to start my TTOTM and between that and missing my normal Friday weigh-in day things will be wonky this week.  I'm trying to decide if I'll go to a meeting tomorrow (a day early) or Monday (3 days late).  Probably Monday just because of lack of time.

On to Tuesday...I went to the gym in the late afternoon and I was SUPER pressed for time.  I had to pick the kids up in 45 minutes so I did a 15 minute run on the treadmill.  I wanted to squeeze all I could out of it so instead of starting at 5mph and working up to 6mph I just started at 6mph.  It was a challenge but I was able to do it and didn't feel like I was dying.  In the last 30 seconds or so I increased the speed to 6.3 and was surprised it felt manageable.  Happy dance, happy dance.  I can get faster!  Granted it was only for 30 seconds but I'm going to start working that pace in for intervals.  I someday want to get up to 6.7mph, I'd LOVE to be able to maintain a 9 minute-per-mile pace for a 5k!

Anyway, after the 15 minute run I started into strength training.  I didn't have time to do my full workout so I did two sets of everything instead of three.  I got another question from a fellow gym-goer asking me if I'm training for something.  Are these guys all conspiring to make me feel like a rock star?!  I told him about my upcoming events but what I should have told him is that I'm usually in a hurry and have to move quick, which is obviously making me look hard core when really I'm just rushed.  And hard core, of course, right?  Ah, just go with it.

So I finish up and rush to the car and see a text from Miguel - he can pick up the kids.  Hallelujah!  I go back inside, do the rest of the sets I couldn't do before and then hop back on the treadmill for 10 minutes of running at 6.0mph.  I again upped it to 6.3 for 30 seconds at the end.  Good stuff, and a good husband.

Baby #2 is awake so I'd better run.  Next time I check in will be post-camping.  Have a great weekend everyone!

Downhill in all Directions!

I've been riding a wave of satisfaction since Friday after reaching my mini-goal.  It was sort of surreal at first but it's not now - I did it, I got back to (and under) my lowest weight ever.  And I did it before the one year anniversary of being back on the wagon.  I started this current post-babies fitness journey on June 4th of last year.  And I've lost over 40 pounds since - I couldn't be happier.  Why people want to lose weight so fast is beyond me.  Well, no it's not, I understand - but slow will still get you there.  Slow is feeling great to me right now!

So Friday I went to the gym and did 25 minutes on the bike.  That bike really makes me work!  I don't know if I'll ever move past level 7.  After the bike I did legs/shoulders/core.  I've been adding sit-ups in, old school without hitching my toes under something, and I like it.  I do them slow, controlled and they are a challenge but fun.  I need to mix things up a bit with my routine, I've been doing the same things for months on end.  I clipped some stuff out of Women's Health and I'm going to see if I like them.

My mother came over Friday evening to visit the kids.  She usually stays the night because she doesn't like to drive at night.  My mom wanted Chinese food take-out so that's what we got.  I had already planned to eat salmon so I stuck with that.  Salmon and roasted broccolini with a little vegetable fried rice.  Oh, and multiple bites of sesame chicken and honey walnut prawns.  I tracked it all and felt fine with my choices.  Miguel and I talked about going out dancing or something but by the time the kids were asleep we were too tired.

Saturday was a fun family day.  We took the kids to the zoo.  We spent all day walking and lifting the kids up and down.  I had a moment of gratitude for my body, for being able to do these kinds of things with ease.  I don't know the childhood my kids would have if I hadn't gotten back on track but I think it wouldn't be as good as this one.  I snapped a picture of Miguel with the kids that I just love.

I am such a lucky girl.  So fortunate and so very grateful for the love, health and well being of my family.  And I'm grateful for the waffle ice cream cone I shared with the kids.  Portion sizes really are out of control, one cone was plenty for all three of us.  Miguel tried to buy a smaller version but they said they can't.  So I just wrote to them on Facebook asking for that.

Dear San Francisco Zoo - Please consider selling smaller sizes of ice cream at the Lemur cafe.  We bought a Dreyer's waffle cone and it was at least 3 serving sizes so my two kids and I shared it.  My husband wanted one scoop for himself and the cashier said they can't sell one scoop, only the huge version they sold to me.  With the obesity epidemic being what it is I think smaller portions should be an option for people that are trying to be sane with their food choices. 

Maybe if more people speak up change can happen eventually.

So the Golden Gate Bridge is turning 75 years old this weekend and we got stuck in some horrible traffic coming home.  The drive turned into nap time.  Back at home and we spent the rest of the afternoon doing house chores.  Then dinner - we were starving!  We had our "tipico" meal of black beans, cream, pico de gallo, avocado. I had some salmon leftover so I had that too. Yum!  I was feeling some mild urges to snack after dinner, though I was not hungry at all so I decided to do some Beck homework.  I did the chapter on the excuses we give ourselves to eat when we're not supposed to. But I don't like that language, not supposed to (too paternalistic for me) so I changed it to excuses to eat when I truly don't want to but am compelled by urges.

My excuses were...

• It's not a whole piece.  It's only a bite.  It's better than eating the whole thing.
• I'll only eat it this one time.
• It's not that fattening.  It's a better choice than what I could be eating.
• I'll make up for it by eating less later (or) I've been "good" all day, I can have/deserve a treat.
• I earned it.
• Everyone else is indulging.
• I'm celebrating (or) It's a special occasion. 
• I really want it.  I can't resist the urge.
• I'm upset and I just don't care*  (this is the most common lately)
• I'm craving it and I'll probably eat it eventually anyway.

So I wrote my responses to all of them. I won't bore you with all my responses but I'll share the first one to give you an idea:

"Even eating a small amount of something not on my plan - something I don't really want but feel compelled to eat - is not helpful.  It strengthens my giving-in muscle and I am left feeling bad.  It is better to resist and stay on my plan and feel better."

I found this exercise very helpful.  Writing out a true response to those excuses brought my awareness level up and gave me mental ammunition for the next time I'm feeling compelled to eat when I truly don't want to.  For me it's tricky, sometimes I think it's ok to indulge an urge to eat.  It's those times when I am feeling out of control, when I know I'm eating for the wrong reasons.  In the sidebar of my notes I wrote, "It's not pleasure, it's a release of tension.  It doesn't feel good, it just feels necessary."  And later in my notes I wrote, "I can do whatever I want.  The question is, what do I want?".  Good thing I know the answer to that question.  I want a healthy, fit body.  I want an enjoyable relationship with food.  I want to feel good about what I put in my mouth.

Whew - this is a lot of writing.  Ok, so while I worked on my excuse responses I watched Dean Karnazes' film UltraMarathon Man: 50 Marathons - 50 States - 50 Days.  It was inspiring and it made me appreciate running even more.  So many amazing recovery running stories out there.  In the movie someone says, about the obesity epidemic, "We're so comfortable, we're miserable."  It's true.  We have gone overboard on the efficiency factor and now our couch potato butts are getting out of control big.  I'm happy to be bucking the trend in my own life and with my own family.  That's a perfect segue into my fun today, Sunday!

I met my friend Laurie for a brick workout.  We're doing the Tri for Fun in a few weeks so she thought it might be good to actually train.  We did a 10.5 mile bike ride in a little less than an hour, followed by a 30 minute trail run (2.54 miles).  It was great.  I had an AccelGel between the bike and the run to keep me going.  I was feeling super tired toward the end though.  We did some stretching and then headed home.  While I was driving home I felt terrific!  It was like some sort of post-exercise high.  I amped up the music and was drive-dancing (something I am usually embarrassed to see people doing, but I didn't care!).  Oh, and I was hungry.

I made my go-to sandwich of late (same thing I packed for the zoo the day before).  A turkey breast avocado sandwich on Alvarado Essential Flax seed bread (3 points for two slices!).  Unfortunately the "meat" is super-processed Oscar Meyer stuff but I haven't had a chance to find a better alternative yet.  I ate that with some fresh pears and apple.

Mustard, avocado, tomato (campari - the best!), Mâche greens and turkey.

The final product.  This sandwich is really making me happy these days.  I put it on a salad plate so it looks more filling.

And now the kids are sleeping and it's several hours later but I'm still feeling good from my workout and my healthy lunch.  I got hungry a bit ago and had some leftover roasted veggies.  I've always said, when you're motivated, healthy choices are like riding a bike downhill - everything is easier.  And I'm motivated right now.  And I'm going to fly down this hill as long as I can.  Because I know there's a hill out there (hopefully a small one) that I will have to ride up one day so I'm going to enjoy it while I can.  Wheeeeeeee!