Treading Lightly

I'm watching myself very carefully. When you're in that formation stage of a new (or re-established) habit something that disrupts the momentum can throw you right off track. This back ache issue is the type of thing that could derail my whole routine and send me back to the couch for who knows how long. But I am watching myself and don't plan to let that happen!

On Tuesday I got to the gym with just enough time to get my workout done only to find I forgot my gym bag. Grrr. Fortunately Miguel stepped up and changed his plans so I could workout. THANK YOU HONEY! This is my second time to the gym since the back pain forced a couple days off. I did the bike for 25 minutes on Level 3. The first random route was actually too easy so I forced it to choose another one. That was a bit harder but still on the easier side - I decided the universe was trying to tell me something and I went with it. With my new rpm scheme I still got a good cardio workout.

After the bike I did legs and shoulders for strength training. I skipped the plank (but did my other ab stuff) in case that would be too much for my back. After the weights I did 5 minutes on the stair climber. I think I'll make this little boost of calorie burning part of my routine whenever I have the time (this is how my gym routine got up to two hours pre-kids). I left feeling good, only a few little reminders that my back is fragile.

Today was my day home with the kids. I really wanted to get out so we went to the BADM this morning. I carried Myra in the Ergo carrier for a good part of the morning (sometimes with Marek riding piggy back at the same time!) and about the time my back starting aching we wrapped it up. Poor things were wiped out after all the fun and I returned home for my "time off" during their afternoon nap. I was on the fence about going to the gym but as the evening wore on it seemed like a better and better idea. I checked in with Miguel and he was fine with me going (I have to leave before the kids go to bed, man how I wish my gym were open a half-hour later!).

This was the big test because back and biceps were due up on strength training. But first, I did c25k Week 3/Day 5. Only one more day of Week 3 before I move on to Week 4. I just took a peek at Week 4 and all I can say is, I hope I can do it. I felt pretty good today on the run so that's promising. After that I took a deep breath and headed to the back extension thingy. It went well. Only on the last couple of the third set did my back say "enough!". I also did lat pulldowns and seated rows without much pain. I decided to go ahead and see how a plank would feel. I told myself I would do only 30 seconds but darnit, I'm stubborn and held it for 40 seconds. I hope I don't regret that in the morning. My back hurt a bit during the last 10 seconds and a bit more during the last 3-4 seconds. Needless to say I didn't do two sets. After strength training I hit the stair climber for 5 minutes. I really enjoy that.

So sitting here on the couch and I'm having definite back achiness. We'll see how I feel in the morning. The most important thing to me at this point is that I'm still exercising. Maybe the most important thing should be my back and insuring that I don't create more pain by pushing through but I can't handle the thought of being sidelined so I'm forging ahead. The pain isn't really pain so much as it is achy and stiff. There's one aspect of it that's more stabbing pain but that's actually easier to deal with.

Alright, I feel like all I'm writing about is my friggin' back. Back this, back that. But nothing much else going on these days, let's hope I can stop writing about it soon! Wish me luck that I can get out of bed in the morning!!

Rest, It Does a Body Good.

I made it to the gym yesterday. I could tell I had gotten some rest, in general my body felt ready and able to tackle my workout. My back felt pretty good too, I only noticed a couple very slight twinges of pain during the entire workout. I did c25k Week 3/Day 4 and it was a challenge but not painful. Afterward I did chest and triceps. Instead of doing the chest press and dumbbell flys on the ball like I usually do I did them lying on a bench. Hopefully that helped my back. I definitely noticed some soreness in my arms from the swim, which was a good thing. I like that workout sore feeling. I skipped the plank to spare my back the workout and did some other ab work. I was reading about the benefits of stair climbing the other day so I threw in 5 minutes of the stairclimber before a nice bit of stretching. I left the gym feeling positive.

My back felt pretty good the rest of the day but I woke up this morning with it feeling tight and hurting a bit again. I don't know if I should exercise today or not?? I know inactivity is not good for back problems so I probably should do something, just maybe not my full routine. I hate that. I struggle with an all-or-nothing brain. We'll see, I'm waiting to see how my back feels as the day goes on and will decide. Swimming would probably be good, just not sure how I'd get to the pool with my crazy schedule.

So I finally found my Tanita body fat scale. I weighed and analyzed myself yesterday afternoon. According to that scale I am 195 pounds and 42.5% body fat. I am very near what I was on 12/27/07 when I also weighed 195 and was 41.5% body fat. Anyway, a few notes on my current stats:

Weight: 195
% body fat: 42.5
Pounds of body fat: 83
Lean body mass: 112

If I can maintain 112 pounds of lean body mass while I lose 45 pounds of body fat I'd be in darn good shape! I would weigh 150 pounds with 25% body fat. Nice. Too bad it's not as easy to lose body fat as it is to gain it. I'm going to have a lot of fun on the journey to losing this weight, I just know it.

Chin Up, It's Only Been a Few Weeks

That about says it all. Thanks for the encouraging comments folks, they really do help. Yesterday (Sunday) my back was still feeling out of sorts when I had the brilliant idea to go swimming! I figured it'd be a good way to get some exercise that would be easy on my back. I arrived at the pool in the late afternoon. It's been a long time since I swam more than a lap or two so I went nice and slow because I wasn't sure what my swimming endurance would be like - I hardly felt like I was "exercising" at all. I swam 26 lengths (13 laps), about 1/3 of a mile, and then took a rest. Laying in the sun with a magazine was quite a treat. After resting awhile I was ready for more, I got back in the pool and swam 25 laps, a little less than 2/3 of a mile. Then I swam a "hard" lap, going all out just to see how it felt. It felt hard.

Back to my towel and magazine. I don't know how long the first swim was but the second was about 45 minutes. While I was swimming my back was fine but my shoulders hurt. I've had shoulder issues for years, even went to physical therapy in 2008 (my blog sure is a nice history of these things). I wonder if I still have the stretches and exercises they gave me? Anyway, my shoulders hurt some but not enough to make swimming too uncomfortable, at least at a slow pace. Anyway, I lounged around for a while longer and then went home.

My mood was still on the crappy side, even after all that. I stopped at the store to pick up some veggies to grill with dinner and also bought a pack of peanut M&Ms. They actually helped my mood I think. I know I'm not pre-menstrual, maybe I'm pre-menopausal? All I know is chocolate seemed to help. And I don't feel guilty about it. The comments I've been getting have been chock full of really good advice. Skipping the guilt is one of 'em. If I'm going to feel guilty about a food choice then what's the point? I need to choose, eat it and don't feel guilty or skip it. And I'm thinking about getting off the scale for a while. If I can find my darned body fat scale I might use that instead for a month or so and see how it goes.

On to today, Monday, and my back is feeling almost completely better. It still twinges when I do certain things, like bend over to pick something up from the floor, or get up after sitting for a while. I am planning to go to the gym though. I want to do a c25k run and will decide about strength training depending on how I feel. I'll try to do some abs/core work and definitely get some stretching in. I wonder if something I'm doing at the gym is causing my back problems? I think I'll lay off the ball maneuvers and just do my lifting either standing or in a chair - at least for a little while. The plank will also go on hold until the back pain is gone altogether. I really just want it gone.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. I'll let you know how the gym goes. Oh, I want to share an awesome pic from our amusement park trip on Saturday. This is little mister and a giant walrus!

Adding Injury to Insult

What? I haven't blogged since Monday? Well, it has been a crazy busy week I suppose. A quick run-down:

• Tuesday: Gym - c25k Week 3/Day 2, chest and triceps, abs/core
  
• Wednesday: Gym - Recumbent bike 25 min, legs and shoulders, abs/core
  I was away at a conference and had to use the hotel fitness room to work out. The recumbent bike was old and HARD! I was on Level 1 and thought I wouldn't make it. I was pleased that I got to exercise though since we all went out to dinner. I tried to make half-decent food choices but also had a vodka tonic and a glass of wine. No desert, not for lack of trying, we couldn't find an open ice cream shop. Thursday morning breakfast was at the hotel and I made ok choices at that.
  
• Thursday: Gym - c25k Week 3/Day 3, back and biceps, abs/core work, plus I added 25 minutes on the bike.
  So at the gym on Thursday I noticed my body was feeling a bit worn out. I looked back at my journal and realized that I had exercised for 8 days straight. No wonder. I decided that I would definitely take the next day, Friday, off from the gym. It's a good thing I did, which I'll tell you more about in a bit. Thursday evening was a dinner out with the mother's club. My choices were less than stellar (read: bread/butter, crab cakes, french fries, etc, etc, etc) and I had champagne and wine.

This brings us to Friday morning. Weigh-in. Despite all of the dining out (and alcohol) I really thought the scale would go well. It didn't. I don't know, maybe I'm in denial. I am telling myself it's not a big deal, that the point isn't to lose weight. I'm telling myself that this is a lifestyle, something I will do forever so momentary setbacks are both expected and surmountable. But no matter what I tell myself it's still hard to swallow. I am up 2.5 pounds this week to 196.5 pounds. Ouch. Two point five pounds. Honestly, seeing that number on the scale was a bit of a shock. Here are some of my thoughts...

Reasons I thought I would lose:
- I have exercised every day. Burned 2500+ calories at the gym.
- I tried to balance dinners out with a very light lunch that day.
- My period was nearly gone.
- I also added extra cardio twice in an effort to balance all the food.

Fine, I didn't lose. But did I have to gain half the weight I'd lost so far? So I had to face that and, of course, try and figure out what happened.

Reasons I had a gain:
- Two big dinners out, including alcohol
- My period was ending but still possibly a factor
- I didn't take off my undies or take my scrunchie out of my hair for my weigh-in. Maybe they are heavier than I think?
- The scale hates me.
- Life is not fair.

Admittedly, I got a little weird in my thinking and explaining. But what a slap in the face from that scale! I have half a mind to throw the damn thing in the garbage! There was some definite backlash in response. I moped around all day with this, "Screw it" attitude. I had to eat lunch at a restaurant on Friday (work related) and almost ordered fish and chips as a result of my bad attitude. I reigned it in somewhat and order a BLAT (BLT with avocado). Instead of the fries it comes with I had onion rings. Better than fish and chips? Hard to say. And I've been in a bit of an eating free-for-all since then. Friday night (last night) I went to a party and ate whatever and had plenty of desert. Today, Saturday, we went to an amusement park and I ate a bunch of chips. Ugh. Self destructive revenge is so irrational!

I forgot to add that my body is not doing so well. I was feeling achy on Friday but today, Saturday, I woke up with my back actually hurting! I had to take ibuprofen to get through the day and then this evening it started hurting again. What's the deal with that? I hope it stops hurting soon. Needless to say I skipped the gym again today. I feel like this is just adding insult to injury - or I suppose it's the other way around, injury to insult.

So here I am, Saturday evening, and I'm calling a truce. I will get back to eating better starting tomorrow and I will go to the gym if my back is better. This has been a rough week. I'm used to having Wednesday off so working 5 days, missing my day home with my kids, staying at a hotel, working my butt off at the gym, nights out (which were fun but still tiring) - whew! The good news is I am taking Monday off. I have an action packed day planned...kidding! I plan to catch up on some things around the house and generally take it easy.

As far as my weight goes I am reminded of two things. Weight Watchers is there if/when I need it. Two steps forward and one step back will still get you there eventually.

A Turtle with a Complex

I have noticed an interesting difference between my pre-kids weight loss journey and my current one. Well, there's been more than one difference but the most notable is impatience. When I was losing those 75 pounds I rarely felt any sense of urgency. In general, I didn't get bummed when I only lost x amount of weight, I didn't have any deadlines (as in "I have to lose 10 pounds by next month), and I often didn't get frustrated with the amount of time to go before I was "in shape". I find myself dealing with those things now.

Last time, when I started the journey I was beaten down and feeling nearly hopeless before I even started. I think starting from that point led me to feel grateful with every little accomplishment. I could generally celebrate a victory of any sort without feeling cheated or frustrated by some other setback. It wasn't the first time I'd lost weight but because I started at that, I guess you could say, bottom, it was a novel experience. Because I started the journey with such low expectations, even suspecting it would probably not work, I was hardly ever disappointed. Expectations - that's it, that's what I need to work on. It's a bit of a catch though. Isn't it good to expect results? I suppose the idea, and what I had before, was to approach it with a "I'm am going to put in the work, do the right thing, and results with naturally follow."

That's how I want to feel again. I don't want to be feeling impatient, feeling like things need to move along faster. I want to enjoy the journey, slow down, smell the roses, find the joy in the process again - because there is a lot of joy to be found in transformation. Arriving is only a small part of the journey. I also strongly believe if I do this with the end result in mind, if lose sight of the process, then I am engaging in some risky diet-mentality behavior. IT IS ALL ABOUT MAINTENANCE! If that is true, then this is not me on a trip to somewhere (fitness, weight loss, fill in the blank), this is me living the life I will live for the rest of my life. Writing this is already helping. I am not in a hurry, I do not have a deadline, I am making permanent changes, returning to a way of life that actually makes me happier, brings me to a calm, centered place. I get so very much out of leading a healthy lifestyle. I do not need the "reward" of weighing a certain weight, of fitting into a particular pair of pants, or running x number of miles. My reward is the way I feel right now.

Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. I really do feel better about this. Now, just to make it stick. Funny, I've been dealing with this and today WW posted this an article about slow weight loss. This was my favorite paragraph (I bolded the parts that really spoke to me):

Why slow weight loss lasts

"I'm glad my weight loss was slow for me because I feel like I really have made lifestyle changes," says Lyn, a meetings member. "I just keep at it. I continue to see slow progress but overall a great deal of success. Slowly but surely the weight comes off."

It's that kind of "through thick and thin" attitude that will take people from thick to thin for good, says Mandel. Losing weight slowly isn't just healthier, she says, it's a better investment. Not only are you dropping pounds, you're working on building habits that you'll be able to maintain. And those habits will help you maintain the weight you lost, so you can stay at your goal weight for good.

"Plus, you have more energy to live life in the present, because you're not starving and focusing on food," says Mandel. "You're creating a healthy relationship with food." That's the key to lifelong success.

Lifelong success - yes, that's what we're after.

So as far as exercise goes I went to the gym today and did the bike. I decided I was ready to try Level 3 and it was a great success! I came up with a new RPM scheme. I do the random program on the bike and Level 3 goes anywhere from Level 1 up to Level 8. Here's my plan:

Levels 1-2: RPM 100+
Levels 3-4: Optional between 90-100+ depending on how I feel
Levels 5-6: RPM 90+
Levels 7-8: RPM 80+

How's that sound? That's what I did today and it worked out well - kept me working hard but not too hard. After 25 minutes on the bike I did strength training, back and biceps. I mixed in core work as usual. I felt like a champ when I was done. Sometimes I wish I could go to the gym twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. I think I'm getting addicted to the post-gym high.

Finally - I'm thinking a header change is in order. As much as I love that picture of me standing in the lake after my triathlon I feel like it's not accurate. It's not me now. I will be keeping an eye out for a good web header picture.

Well, Happy Monday folks - I hope you all have a fabulous week!! Thank you for cheering me on this past month, it both means a lot AND helps a lot.